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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to be annoyed that my stepmother lets her dogs on my sofa?

18 replies

trellism · 14/06/2009 20:18

She and my dad came to visit this weekend. I do like her, and I do like the dogs, but I was hopping mad when I saw that both of them were sleeping on my sofa.

AIBU to think that you should always check with the sofa owner before you do something like that?

I was very calm and explained that the leather's unfinished and susceptible to scratching, so she let the dogs down. Later on, though, I noticed that she'd taken my nice blanket and had let one of the dogs sleep on that.

Had it just been my dad I would have yelled at him but I didn't want to hurt my stepmother's feelings. Now they've gone I've ranted about it to dh instead.

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 14/06/2009 20:21

I think yelling would have been over the top anyway. Yes ideally she should have asked you, but when you explained that you didn't want the dogs on there, she got them off straightaway, didn't she?

Kimi · 14/06/2009 20:22

I do not think you are being unreasonable in the least, it was rude, I would not like someone to let their dogs on my sofa

LovingTheRain · 14/06/2009 20:22

No YANBU to think she should have checked - was wrong for her to assume they could go on.

Bonneville · 14/06/2009 20:26

YANBU I do like dogs but I would really worry about any "residue" from their rear ends getting on my sofa.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2009 20:27

So, you told explained why she shouldn't let the dogs on the sofa, she got them off and took action to protect it and you're still annoyed?

Perhaps you should just have said "Please keep the dogs off the sofa."

Original poster

trellism · 14/06/2009 20:27

I'm also annoyed about the blanket. I have to wash it now because I am allergic to dogs.

My dad says she doesn't like conflict or arguments, which is why I didn't yell. I love conflict and arguments, me.

OP posts:

Yurtgirl · 14/06/2009 20:27

I would ask her to bring a dog blanket, dog bowl etc with her when she visits

I am not a dog fan and would insist tbh

My blankets are far too lovely for a dog to lie on

ChippingIn · 14/06/2009 20:27

No, YANBU, I love dogs, but there's no way I'd assume this was ok in another persons home (and in my own it would very much depend on the dog - size/hair/drool factor).

Hopefully it wont happen again though. If they stay again, you need to tell her where you want the dogs to sleep and ask her to bring their own blankets.

strawberryplanter · 14/06/2009 20:40

If you are allergic to dogs then you really need to cough and sneeze as much as you can in her presence and not have the dogs in the house at all!

Is there a garden/porch/utility room for them to go in? Failing that say do you mind but could they stay in the car?

You can be nice about it but you need to be firm too.

curiositykilled · 14/06/2009 20:45

I wouldn't have someone else's animals in my house full stop. They should leave them at home!

Haribosmummy · 14/06/2009 21:01

I have to say, I love my dog and happily let him sleep on my bed / sofa... but I don't think it's acceptable to assume other people won't mind.

I think you have every right to feel a bit put out.

I think you politely, but firmly, tell your father that she and the dogs are welcome but that they must bring appropriate bedding for the dogs.

I always travel with my dog's bed, as it's good for a dog to know where it should sit. Where ever we are, I can always say 'on to your bed' and he knows what I mean and where to go.

So, No YANBU

Qally · 14/06/2009 21:12

I was about to post exactly what Haribosmummy has. That saved typing!

YANBU.

welshone51 · 14/06/2009 21:15

My pils are exactly the same with their dog, they treat him as a baby, never set boundaries and allow him to do whatever he wants including barking and snapping at my son, getting up on the sofa, digging the garden and poohing in the garden.

All the things we dont allow our dog to do.

We have tried to tell them several times about the dogs behaviour but as far as they are concerned hes their baby and can do no wrong! I do not think you are being unreasonable as a lot of people wouldnt even allow dogs in their home but at least she did as you asked in the end.

Haribosmummy · 14/06/2009 21:21

But even when you treat a dog as a baby, you still expect it to abide by normal 'rules' and you still bring appropriate equipment - somewhere for the baby to sleep, somewhere to sit and nappies and/or a potty unless potty trained.

So, surely, it's common decency - when you travel with a dog - to bring it somewhere to sleep (dog bed), somewhere to eat (food and water bowl) and abide by toileting rules (pick it up / not in areas used by small children)

That seems reasonable in the extreme.

I feel quite strongly about this, as it's one of the main reasons well behaved dogs (and owners!) get barred from so many places and why many people don't want dogs in their houses.

Bigpants1 · 14/06/2009 21:33

My parents do this-let their dog onto my sofa each time they visit. It causes tension, as Im not happy, but dont want to cause a fall-out, and it really makes my dh cross. We have a leather sofa-the first one we have owned,and want to keep it nice.
When my parents got their leather sofa, I was paronoid,(sp), about the dc spilling anything on it etc.
My parents even bring the bloomin dogs bed etc with them, and she still ends up on the sofa!
Mind you, we dont have the problem now, as youngest ds, has develpoed phobia with dogs-seriously-so they dont bring her when they visit. Shes a lovely dog, but that doesnt mean I want her on my furniture, but think some dog owners just do what they do at home.
So, no, YANBU. Rant over-phew!

careergirl · 14/06/2009 21:38

i love dogs and would let them sleep on my sofa - but would not let them sleep on someone else's even if they said they were comfy with the situation. bit rude really.
to be honest never felt comfy taking a dog into someone else's home anyway as not everyone is a dog fan.

Haribosmummy · 14/06/2009 21:51

LOL, careergirl... I don't really like taking DDog to other people's houses either as he always manages to embarrass himself me, by doing something:

Totally idiotic
totally out of character

Like the time we took him to see some friends and I said 'oh, Ddog NEVER barks in other people's houses'... He did. Loudly. In the middle of the night. And woke their baby. Bastard.

Or the time we took him to the park with friends and he jumped into the river and DH had to haul him out. Wet, smelly dog as house guest. Yum Yum.

piscesmoon · 14/06/2009 22:07

I wouldn't let them in the room at all and then you wouldn't have a problem.It is your house, so just politely tell them that they will have to be shut in the kitchen or where ever you want them to stay.

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