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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really dislike my cousins daughter

20 replies

Kimi · 14/06/2009 20:00

My cousin had a DD who is 3 months younger then my DS1 she will be 13 this year.
Her mum and dad divorced when she was very small, her mum and my aunt poisoned he mind against her dad, (fair play he is a shit, deals drugs and so on) but...

My cousin lets her DD rule, ok cousin has had a lot (and I do mean a lot) of boyfriends but the Daughter puts the spoke in to all of them, the DD drinks alcohol that my cousin buys for her (reef), but this little girl tells the adults what to do, is queen of the hissy fit and is sly and sneaky.

The thing that has really made me go (hmm) this time is that the child has just given her gran a mouthful because my Aunt is ill and they were unable to go on holiday as planned and she has had to go to scholl and do exams instead of going on holiday.

I really have no time for this little girl and think her mother needs to tell her that yelling at an ill woman is NOT on

OP posts:
starlightexpress · 14/06/2009 20:05

Sounds like the girl has had a bit of a bumpy ride, parenting wise. If she's not given any boundries, then it's not suprising that she behaves badly.

Maybe it's better to reserve your ire for her parents?

Confuzzeled · 14/06/2009 20:06

I'm not sure it's all the girls fault, her mother sounds like she's not a great parent either.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 14/06/2009 20:07

I don't think you're unreasonable to dislike her, she doesnt sound like a charmer, but then again maybe she is a product of her upbringing and circumstances. It can't have been easy growing up like that.

Yes, yelling at an ill woman isn't on - have you mentioned how you feel to her mother? does she ever take a stand with her? Frankly there's not much else you can do other than speak to the girl yourself, but her mother might feel this isn't your place. Although your aunt is your family too. Sometimes a kick up the arse is needed (I'm remembering a time in my teens when I hit my mum and my much older brother gave me a right bollocking and I felt humbled and never did it again) It's a difficult one!

Seabright · 14/06/2009 20:10

YANBU, but it does sound like she's the product of her upbringing, and has been unlucky with the genes she was dealt.

Doesn't mean she can't change though - this isn't a lifelong get-out clause for her.

Original poster
Kimi · 14/06/2009 20:15

I love my aunt to bits that is why I am cross, however Aunt and cousin think sun shine out of this child, and let her get away with it all.

I love my kids but they get brought to book if in the wrong, and if my 13 year old went yelling at my mother he would be one sorry little boy I can tell you.

My aunt has always thought she was better then my mum (who was an un married mother, and her kids were better then me and my sibling) and it is the same with her grandchild, I am just disgusted she can get away with it

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 14/06/2009 20:18

Poor kid - she has had no guidance/upbringing or parenting except the very worst sort. Not her fault IMO. I am sure she knows very well that no-one likes her. She is a child. I agree - your attitude should be directed towards her mother.

I am shocked, BTW, that she is given alcohol by your cousin. That is abuse IMO.

Original poster
Kimi · 14/06/2009 20:31

I have never shown any dislike to her, always send cards and gifts and so on, try to speak to her chat about school and so on, but I just think she is too old too fast TBH.

Her dad was a mate of ours and we knew he was a dealer and a user.

I am never going to get parent of the year award but at least my kids know I will discipline them, they do not get to drink alcohol and to respect their elders.

Pocket money (and yes I know they are over paid) will be stopped, PS3 will be removed, clubs will be stopped and so on if they step out of line.

My mother is inwell, my children do everything they can to help her

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 14/06/2009 20:34

Kimi - your kids are lucky to have you as their mum - you discipline them because you care about them, and you care how they turn out...........

Original poster
Kimi · 14/06/2009 20:39

LOL I shall go tell them how lucky they are
I love my kids and I want them to have happy healthy lives filled with love, I will not always be able to protect them from the world, my job is to teach them how to be good people, safe people, fair people.

Another thing that winds me up is (cousin lives in a very white place) when they went on holiday to a country with a non white majority cousins DD would not leave the hotel because of all the blacks

OP posts:
curiositykilled · 14/06/2009 20:39

Think I'd be much more inclined to seriously dislike the MOTHER. Poor child, she's had a difficult time and the wrong boundaries.

troutpout · 14/06/2009 20:53

yes yabu...save your dislike for the parents who couldn't be arsed to parent properly.

junglist1 · 14/06/2009 21:05

The way you've worded it, I don't think I'd like her either! Any good points about her? The holiday thing was out of order, what did your cousin say?

Original poster
Kimi · 14/06/2009 21:12

Cousin said nothing.

Yes I know the parents need to do better, I am just venting because of the holiday thing

OP posts:
junglist1 · 14/06/2009 21:18

The thing is, she's young now but will have a very, very hard time in life if she carries on like that. Soon she won't be a child anymore.

Original poster
Kimi · 14/06/2009 22:57

I would lay $ to donuts she will end up a teen pregnant as she is allowed too much too soon

OP posts:
JodieO · 14/06/2009 23:02

I'd be talking to her mother about why she buys her alcohol first and foremost tbh. With a mother like that no wonder she acts up. Yes let's blame a 13 year old CHILD instead of her irresponible mother, guess it's easier to blame a child though rather than an adult

mumeeee · 15/06/2009 00:16

YABU. She is a child who needs proper guidence.

Original poster
Kimi · 15/06/2009 07:11

I am not saying the mother is not in the wrong, I agree she is, I have said that already.

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 15/06/2009 07:21

She is a child-I would say she is a very unhappy one. The mother is the one you need to be annoyed with.

Morloth · 15/06/2009 09:51

I don't think we have to like everyone we know, even children. I can think of some children I just cannot stand.

As long as you are polite and pleasant then you are under no obligation to be anything further IMO.

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