Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to be a little shocked at this invite? Well am I?

97 replies

JollyPirate · 11/06/2009 18:38

I am quite prepared for you all to call me an old fuddy duddy if I am out of step here but.....

My 14 year old niece received a party invite this week.

It went like this

"You are invited to attend ........'s 14th Birthday Party
on and at

Then the clincher for me

"All guests will be served ONE (1) alcoholic drink. If you have a problem with this please let me know".

BIL saw this and instantly hit the roof. He has said there is no way DN is attending. DN who was 14 a few weeks back has also hit the roof and a shouting match has taken place with my poor sster in the middle of it all. To be fair to my BIL they have had a few problems with DN recently - not least the theft of a huge amount of money from BIL's work safe which DN owned up to after she realized how much cash she had actually taken. DN says it was just temptation and she knows it was stupid - all money returned.

So I can quite understand my BIL in saying that she is not attending as he will only have her word that she hasn't had any alcohol.

I am utterly amazed that these parents are even offering alcohol (especially as Dad is a police officer ).

They are apparently doing so "to stop the kids bringing their own".

Am I being unreasonable in being utterly shocked? Or am I an old prude (am 43) whose world will come crashing down around her ears once DS reaches his teens.

OP posts:

Miyazaki · 11/06/2009 21:16

so true mugglewump...

womblingfree · 11/06/2009 21:20

I might consider something weak and fizzy (Lambrini anyone?) for 16 YO party, but def not at 14.

Under the circumstances am not surprised yur BIL had hit the roof.

donkeyderby · 11/06/2009 22:13

Wow, I must be living on a different planet! These parents are being totally sensible. Where I live, many many 14-year-olds are already pissing it up on vodka in the parks after dark and kids regularly smuggle strong alcohol into parties. That's 14-year-olds, not 16-year-olds. When I worked in a hospital, 12 year olds were being admitted with alcohol poisoning.

One celebratory drink, under supervision, served by an adult. What is the problem? I'd be much more worried about a party without parental supervision.

They have been upfront and asked if it was ok with you. If it is not ok, don't let your teenager go.

Haribosmummy · 11/06/2009 22:13

Actually, Just thinking about this, the one thing we've totally forbidden under our roof are alcohol-pops.

I disagree with them whole heartedly. If you want to drink something that looks and tastes like pop - then drink POP!!!!

If my DSD wanted a glass of wine with a meal (she has asked for this on holiday in France) or a beer, then fine... but NOT WKDs etc.,

I still would question how many of the people on this thread who think 14 is too young could honestly say they were totally unaware of alcohol at a similar age and hadn't tried it or been tempted to try it.

alicet · 11/06/2009 22:16

Only read first 10 or so posts...

It is not illegal to give children of this age alcohol in a private home. The parents are being upfront in asking if parents of invited children are cool with this or not and presumably won't give any to children whose parents are not happy with it.

And tbh I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of chidren this age have tried alcohol anyway. much better to do in a controlled situation such as this rather than in the park with a bottle of vodka they have nicked from their parents!

So I think YABU to be shocked at the invite and the party. BIL sounds as though he has reasons to distrust DN however so he is NBU to not let her go given her recent behaviour I think. But I don't think the invite in isolation has anything wrong at all!

piscesmoon · 11/06/2009 22:25

I don't really see the problem. The invitation was very honest, so that the parents of the guests are free to make up their own mind. There would be a problem if they served it without telling you.

Nighbynight · 12/06/2009 08:14

Haribosmummy - I also hate alcopops, but after a recent thread on mn, where a teenager got drunk (by mistake, I think), I have been wondering about that.
We tend to drink wine at home, but when my children do go to teenage parties, they will inevitably encounter alcopops. So, I think I'd rather they tried them a few times at home first, to guage how strong they really are. All this is theoretical, as dd1 is only 12, and hasn't been offered alcohol at any parties yet!

msdevine · 12/06/2009 08:37

Hi you are yanbu and not an old fuddy duddy.

I would never let my child attend that party.

Why allow children to have alcohol whats the big rush i mean its a drug at the end of the day.

my little sister is 13 and my niece 14 they would never drink alcohol. Im sorry i just cant see he good in this idea its completely idiotic to me.

abraid · 12/06/2009 08:43

I am much more worried about Smirnoff Ice and Bacardi Breezers than I am about a glass of wine. Actually, I feel so strongly about this I would like the former made illegal: what an incitement to teenage drunkeness.

noddyholder · 12/06/2009 08:44

I would say no at 14 probably yes at 16.Ddon't offer it to them so easily let them smuggle it in like normal teenagers!

Longtalljosie · 12/06/2009 09:01

Chavvy? Oh, for heaven's sake. It's this kind of "my children never drink alcohol attitude" which leads to 15 year old kids necking White Lightning outside the offy at 10pm.

My parents always allowed me to have a small amount of alcohol if I wanted it, from the age of about 11. I would be more than happy with one alcoholic drink at a party at the age of 14. And they've asked you first for heavens sake.

I would argue if she's nicking money from safes, a small glass of liebfraumilch is the least of your sister's family's problems...

kitbit · 12/06/2009 09:04

YANBU. If you're not used to alcohol then even one drink can get you drunk. And make you silly. And give you a hangover. Chances are, most of the 14 yr olds there won't be used to it.

Haribosmummy · 12/06/2009 09:07

I like noddyholder's attitude

nightbynight - I agree - we've spoken to DSD about alcopops but no way would I buy them... or knowingly have them around.

It is easy to get drunk by mistake on them and they are targetted at a younger market with sweeter tastes!

FairLadyRantALot · 12/06/2009 09:55

Hmmm...the people made clear that each Kid would have one drink and they also said that if parents aren't happy wiht it, than to inform them?
Well, I can't see the problem with this...

now bronze mention on eof the last ER episodes...now that was out of order....those parents let the kids get slaughtered with strong booze and no one there to watch over them....that would be iressponsible...

FairLadyRantALot · 12/06/2009 09:57

My son, now 13, had, on the odd occaion a small bottle of alcopop...a few weeks ago, he had a friend staying over, and they asked if they could have an alcopop (as I had some in the house, due to warm weather...)...well..I called the other Kids parents and ask...they were fine with it....but what did shock me was, that they than went to tell me that I needn't have asked, that my son had a drink at theirs at one point.......now that did make me go ...because, I think it is important to have permission, surely?

SouthMum · 12/06/2009 10:39

I'm bloody surprised a 14 year old is having a proper birthday party, shouldn't they be on the local park under a bush with a bottle of Kiwi 20/20 in their hands and a packet of 10 B&H they put to with their 5 mates??

Anyway, it sounds pretty responsible to me, but unfortuately the kids will still probably sneak their own in.

gagamama · 12/06/2009 11:07

It'll probably just be some fruit punch or bucks fizz or a spritzer or something. The hosts aren't going to want a load of pissed-up 13 and 14 year olds any more than the parents do. They'll probably only need to add a tiny amount of alcohol to the drink for the kids to believe they'd 'had a drink' anyway.

The parents seem happy to discuss it so if I was concerned I'd just give them a call and ask what they will be serving and whether it will be supervised, etc.

GentlyDidIt · 12/06/2009 11:42

I think it's a great invitation. Shows that the parents will be present and actively limiting the guests' alcohol intake.

When I hit puberty in the 80s, someone sneaking alcohol into parties was a given from the age of 11 for my circle of friends. One friend had a meal out for her 15th birthday and we were all allowed a very mincey glass of weak wine with dinner. We felt SO grown up, so sophisticated and trusted, no-one bothered trying to sneak in a bottle of 20/20 as it would have seemed so passé, darling!

GentlyDidIt · 12/06/2009 11:44

actually I misunderestimated ages there - it was my friend's 16th, but I was still 15.

mumeeee · 12/06/2009 15:20

YANBU. It is generally illegal for an adult to serve undre 18's alcohol. The expetions are that a 16 or 17 year olfd can have a galss of wine or beer if siiting down for a meal with thier parents in a resturant. Also parents can serve it in thier own homes to thier own children.

pingping · 12/06/2009 15:47

Not sure if YABU I am sure its bound to be a alcopop least the parents asked as well. hmmmm I drank at 14 and was in the pubs and clubs by 15 but I was very grown

Lucia39 · 12/06/2009 16:02

I think it is a little unreasonable. We also gave our son an occasional glass of watered wine from a very young age and he has never "binged" on booze.

I am even older than the OP and I remember teen parties with alcohol provided, in moderation, by parents! Likewise I also drank under age but never got blathered and could make a half pint of beer or cider last for a couple of hours!

Flip

1 2 3 4