to expect DH to discuss the fact that he's going away for the night

[ItsGrimUpNorth]

especially when his train ticket will cost over £100?

His great aunt died yesterday. He's going to the funeral which is 180 miles away. He's decided that he's going to stay the night at his parents and come back the next day.

Not one word of discussion with me, his OH. I think it would be courteous of him to talk to me about it all first before he makes such plans and spends our money.

I know it's good form to go a family funeral and all that. That's not what I'm objecting to. Although he last saw the aunt three years ago by chance when we were visiting his parents. He hardly ever sees her relatives either so it's not as if he's going to support them. I get the feeling it's all about appearing to be the good guy when it's a public occasion.

I'm just annoyed. Perhaps I should take the children away for a night without talking to him about it first and see how he feels. But he'd probably love it! Pah.

While I sort of understand your issue with him not even calling you, this is one that I'd say you simply chalk up to the moment and move on from.

He's probably feeling guilt from not visiting, guilt that his family are insisting he come home etc etc and he just forgot to talk to you about it. A bit frustrating, yes, but not the end of the world and I'd say unless this is a regular occurence, cutting him a little slack is not a bad thing.

Oh no, I'm not going to harass him about it at all. Thanks for all the input.

I was just very taken aback by it all and irritated. His great granny died last November and we'd discussed all the plans about how to get up north quickly and this was a big departure from that.

Well ItsGrim, I hope that the funeral goes smoothly and DH benefits from the family get together, and that you're not too skint!

YABVU.

I would expect him to tell me his arrangements but would assume he would be gone overnight. It's a long journey and an emotional affair. If he hadn't arranged to stay overnight then I would persuade him to do so.

I am going to my bf's graduation, 150 miles away, next week (or maybe the week after - must check the calendar!). I had assumed I would go there for one night, but he insisted I go for two, that way I can celebrate with her properly, and not worry about rushing off to catch a train.