sorry - mil one. how to get dp to talk to her?

[bumblingalong]

I hope i'm not & just being practical but dp thinks i am. Just found out we're having twins - still very early, & my mil has started shopping for them already (which has got my back up as i feel its far too soon). She did this with dd & i ended up not using any of the clothes as was completely not my taste & had bought or been given so much other stuff i did like.

The problem is i've asked my dp to ask her not to buy stuff for the babies but as we need so much more stuff than we thought (extra carseat, cot etc)that the cash would be more beneficial & just to get 1 or 2 outfits when the babies are here. He says its just the way she is & let her get on with it but i don't want more crap cluttering up our very small house when we could put all the money she's going to spend towards a double buggy or car seat?

do you get on with her ? Could you maybe suggest instead of her buying things for them, going on a planned shopping trip with her later on into the pregnancy when you can drop very heavy hints about how you will need all the extra things you mentioned and hope she gets the message ? Good luck with the pregnancy - hope all goes well

Just tell her.

no, don't get on very well at all & have to step back & see if i'm over-reacting or have a valid reason to get annoyed with her all the time!
She wouldn't go for that-only buys what she wants - won't ask what dd needs/wants/what we're getting her for xmas or birthdays unlike all the other gp's (me & dp both have step families & gets complicated so everyone but her checks what she's getting).
dp never argues with her & i generally keep my mouth shut but i do feel he needs to tell her now before she goes too mad!

i would jux but our relationship is already strained if i said anything it would cause the biggest row.

hmmm its a difficult one - you could always just make sure she gives you the receipts and then just change the clothes when the babies arrive Seriously though, could you not have a 'chat' with her and make her feel like you're confiding in her about how you're concerned re two babies/car seats/money etc ? She might take the hint that way?
Although she might turn that round and use it against you - sorry I have a bloody difficult MIL and that's the sort of thing she would do. Sorry I'm not being much help at all am I?

I completely understand where you are coming from. Been there done that with the controlling MIL (now EX!!) with terrible taste (fortunately not much money so not too many gifts though!! LOL).

Ebay Ebay Ebay

Get yourself a 'sellers account' sorted out and use it.

Tell your DH that this is what you will do unless he stops her buying this stuff.

Then 'let it go' it's not good for you to stress about it. Just enjoy selling it on ebay and spending the money

YANBU but I do think either you or dp need to have a chat and explain that while you are very grateful etc. Or you accept that she will spend her money as she pleases and just ebay/charity shop the stuff you don't want. Is a tricky one.

i would love to have a good relationship with her like i do with dp's stepmum but she thinks the sun shines out of his ex's backside & i've stolen her boy from her.
as for the receipts she cuts the tags off before giving me the clothes- have taken back the odd 1 or 2 things that she's missed!
its helpful to know I'm not the only one with mil problems & the more reasonable suggestions you say just makes me feel that its her not me thats odd!

i do feel guilty giving the stuff she's given to charity shops (but i do anyway). Just feel that while i always tackle my mum about things dp just ignores his mum. I don't see how giving her another reason to dislike me will help matters but if he talks to her saying he's worried about money she might listen.

Could you try appealing to / digging deep to find a practical side in her?

And saying something along the lines of you've been doing some reading up about the differences between twins and singletons and that they sometimes come early or are a bit smaller, so you don't know what sizes they will need in what season's clothes and wouldn't it be a shame if none of these lovely clothes couldn't be worn or even exchanged because they have been bought so far in advance...

Must admit, I don't know anything about twins, made the above bit up but I am guessing that you will have done plenty of research and will be able to dangle some suitable research - or make it up to fit your requirements if not!

good luck with the pg and with getting your message through to your mil!