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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that as we are both ill with colds but I am the one with the temperature I should be in bed.

22 replies

BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 14:41

I have spent most of the night bf and have been up with the kids since 6. I feel fairly rotten and have a bit of a temperature, plus my SPD is still lurking around. DH has the same cold but is tucked up in bed, manflu style, although he swears it's not manflu. I am now in the position of having to take DS1, 2 and 3 (8 weeks) to the cinema on my own (with a long walk from the car park disabled parking section, which will hurt) and somehow this doesn't feel fair. AIBU to think that if I have the temperature, I should be regarded as the illest and get the nursing and at least a little help?

OP posts:
Dumbledoresgirl · 07/06/2009 14:42

Why on earth are you committed to taking the children to the cinema?

fuzzywuzzy · 07/06/2009 14:43

yes you should, do you not have family or friends nearby to help.

Boot hiom out of bed, colds do not warrant nursing of any kind!

FabulousBakerGirl · 07/06/2009 14:43

Oh posts like this make me so cross.

Stop treating your H like the boss and go and tell him to get his arse out of bed and act like a grown up. When you are a parent you can't just take to your bed when you are ill.

And why are you going to the cinema when you feel crap? Plus you will be sharing your germs with everyone. Nice.

Dumbledoresgirl · 07/06/2009 14:47

I have no objection to grown ups taking to their beds with a cold if they feel the need for it. I know I certainly do on occasions.

But if you both feel you should be in bed, obviously one of you has to be up to care for the children, so perhaps you should take it in turns to be the one who is downstairs on the sofa. The children can play in front of you or watch a dvd or tv. I can see no need for the cinema at all.

hester · 07/06/2009 14:48

You KNOW the answer - you don't need us to tell you. The real question is: what is going on in your relationship that you two haven't sorted it out between you?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 07/06/2009 14:49

Urgh this is crap! Seriously? You let this happen? And I CANNOT BELIEVE your DH! What sort of man would behave like this? I'm not sure why anyone would put with someone who behaved in such a manner!

Sorry for the rant, but these posts.....

belgo · 07/06/2009 14:50

Agree with FBG.

Take it in turns to go to bed, on a two hour rotation.

And for heaven's sake don't go to the cinema

SerendipitousHarlot · 07/06/2009 14:52

Why the hell do you have to go to the cinema?

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 18:20

Back from cinema. Sat apart from other people.

Didn't take it up with DH because it's an old argument. He is the professional hypochondriac in the family. However he had peeled the potatoes and tidied up the lego when I got back so he's not totally hopeless.

Kids needed to go to the cinema because they had been promised, and they had their hearts set on it. They had also been cooped up all day because of the rain, so needed a distraction (they have mild ADD).

Just wanted to post to see if I was really being that unreasonable. Thing is, every bloke I have ever lived with has done this and it totally baffles me. None of the blokes in my family do it at all.

OP posts:
belgo · 07/06/2009 18:33

You don't seem to be making things easy for yourself. I don't understand why you went to the cinema - if they have ADD I can't imagine that the cinema is a particulary good place to distract them.

I have three children under five and going to the cinema on my own with them is my idea of a nightmare. It's easier taking them swimming ot to the park - at least they get to use up their energy and make as much noise as they like.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 18:41

I can't walk much because of the SPD, and I can't go swimming at the moment for the same reason, so most sensible options like that are closed to me. It's a killer because I was very active before and loved swimming, bike riding, hiking and all that stuff.

The cinema did work quite well actually, the baby and I slept a bit while the older two were captivated by the film. There isn't a lot else to do around here in the rain and we don't have any relatives nearby, which doesn't help.

I do get fed up of apparently 'lost' weekends like this, where I am in limbo hanging around the house with the kids waiting in case he deigns to get better, and basically being some kind of nurse. I have tried having it out with him but always end up feeling like I am in the wrong somehow, and not sympathetic enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 18:44

Reminds me of this really

OP posts:
burningupinspeed · 07/06/2009 18:46

Then maybe you need to grow some balls. Why is he more deserving than you?

ginnny · 07/06/2009 18:46

Well he's had his day in bed today, so now tell him he can sort the dc out and you go to bed now and have a good nights sleep.
The reason these men get away with it is because we let them.

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 18:47

Have just re-read what I typed about the potatoes and lego and thought "WTF!!!" What am I turning into??????!!!! He tidies a little bit of lego away and peels 10 potatoes (new potatoes so they didn't even need peeling) and I am pathetically grateful.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 18:48

I am going to put my pjs on, encouraged by MN. Ra! Ra!

OP posts:
burningupinspeed · 07/06/2009 18:49

Yes, that's what I thought when I read it - ooh peeling potatoes, hand the man a medal!

It is sad to see these posts on MN, you have an 8 week old FGS! You should be in bloody bed! Please try to stand up for yourself. You have 3 DS's, it's SO important that they don't think you treat women like bloody slaves.

Jux · 07/06/2009 18:51

Sadly, women are able to cope with illness better than men because we have a lot of oestrogen and they only have testorone (or mainly). Poor things. Their lack of the oestrus product makes it hard for them to cope with adversity.

However, they really do need to learn how to rise above their obvious limitations, so turf him out, if you haven't already.

bigchris · 07/06/2009 18:51

an 8 week old desperate to go to the cinema?!!
I'd have stayed home with ds 3 and cuddled up in bed with the lo and sent dh to the cinema with the 2 older ones
you are a saint!

Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 19:00

Hehehe!!!!

I am in bed in PJs. Instant result. Tea is being brought up with paracetemol, have been offered supper on a tray in bed, got some sympathy.

Quite pleased because I am dog tired from feeding on and off all night and I also have that buzzy head thing you get sometimes with a cold. Probably ought to have a bit of kip after the paracetemol.

I don't think I am a slave, but occasionally I do get taken for granted.

OP posts:
Original poster
BoffinMum · 07/06/2009 19:01

Jux, DH had the nerve to brandish that article at me recently. I am not convinced.

OP posts:
Jux · 07/06/2009 19:05

I was only stirring the wooden spoon. Luckily, dh hasn't seen the article, and doesn't know.

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