Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that Daniel Merriweather's song Red sounds like the sort tripe spouted by emotional abusers?

26 replies

duchesse · 06/06/2009 20:06

Lyrics here. He just sounds like a weak man, blaming his ex for everything. Is this a good role model for young girls?

OP posts:
QueenofSpleen · 06/06/2009 20:40

What empowering lyrics

Devendra · 06/06/2009 21:21

I like it.. maybe his girlfriend was to blame!!!!

mrsmaidamess · 06/06/2009 21:25

I agree, his girlfriend could have wrecked the relationship. Could you be reading too much into it?

Original poster
duchesse · 06/06/2009 21:28

Yes, but, there are always two sides to every story, and relationship breakdown is very rarely one-sided.

And the relationship having broken down, is our courtly hero making every effort to forgive, forget and move on? No, he is putting the boot into his ex and blaming her for everything, no trace of self-doubt. I ask you, does this not sound like the behaviour of a cad?

OP posts:
Devendra · 06/06/2009 21:31

It is very catchy though

beanieb · 06/06/2009 21:36

YABVU

I think it's a great song. It's nice to hear a song which isn't about how great everything is, and actually looks at how some relationships really are when one person destroys everything by their behaviour or their insecurity.

I think you are being a bit weird if you think that just because it was written by a man then that man must be an emotional abuser. Surely it is completely possible that the relationship in the song was ruined by the emotional abuse by the other person who may well be the female in the realationship?

If it was sung by a woman I suppose you would say isn't it great that someone is singing about what shits men are.

beanieb · 06/06/2009 21:40

and, what exactly do you think he means, then, when he sings

"No sympathy
When shouting out is all you know
Behind your lies"

and

"And I can?t do this by myself
All of these problems, they?re all in your head"

and

"You take the best things from
Then everything gets empty
That?s not a world that I need"

if these were sung by a woman would you be applauding her for getting out of what sounds like a very horrible and destructive relationship?

Original poster
duchesse · 06/06/2009 21:42

No, if it was a woman I would also think she was blaming the man far too much, with not a trace of self-doubt. Women can be emotionally abusive as well.

OP posts:
beanieb · 06/06/2009 21:44

so why don't you think that the woman in the song that he is singing about has possibly been emotionally abusive towards him and that is what he has written the song about?

Original poster
duchesse · 06/06/2009 21:48

Because he is blaming everything on her, basically saying she has ruined his life, without calling his own behaviour into question in any way.

If I may quote "All of these problems, they?re all in your head" - that is a classic tactic employed by emotional abusers to grind down their victim.

OP posts:
beanieb · 06/06/2009 21:51

maybe it was all her fault?
It's just a song. Maybe all of the problems were all in her head?

I don't know.

Personally I think it's wrong to assume that the song is about him being an emotional abuser.

sleepymommy · 06/06/2009 21:56

ffs.
He's written a song, possibly based on how he feels/felt at the time of a relationship breakup.
Do you really think there would be any good songs if every one wrote about how they were both to blame?!!!

WOMEN CAN BE TO BLAME TOO!!

It is this sort of man hating bollocks that gives true feminists a bad name.

Nahui · 06/06/2009 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Alambil · 07/06/2009 01:24

ah now see, I read it that SHE was the dangerous one and he's lucky to escape.

DV perps have all the issues in their heads, victims can't change to be someone else to suit their demands.... she took it, she ruined it....

the victims are never to blame - no matter what they do or say or act; dv isn't so black and white as "two sides to every story" unfortunately

IMO

"you take the best things from me
Then everything gets empty
That?s not a world that I need"

I could / have said that about my ex.

Original poster
duchesse · 07/06/2009 09:10

Yes Lewis, but at the time you were leaving that relationship, and shortly after, I'll bet you weren't filled with self-esteem, anger and self-righteousness. My betting is that in fact you were rock-bottom, and blamed yourself for everything, which is what abusers try to achieve.

Clearly there were issues in this relationship, or it would not have broken up in the first place. The man however is outwardly denying any such problems, and throwing it all back on his ex. How can there not have been problems though, if the relationship has broken up? And if she was the screwball in the relationship, surely he should be glad to be away from it, not blaming her for breaking up what he saw a perfect situation (which it evidently wasn't) and making no attempt to do anything about it?

OP posts:
NotmyELFtoday · 07/06/2009 09:18

do you ever over analyze songs written by a woman?

Original poster
duchesse · 07/06/2009 09:21

Yes. I don't post about them on MN though. It's just this one that's particularly bugging, dressed up as it is a perfectly straightforward loss of love song. But I think it has sinister undertones.

OP posts:
yama · 07/06/2009 09:28

Actually, I do think he seems a bit bitter.

He is certainly blaming her totally which isn't nice.

beanieb · 07/06/2009 09:51

what if (and this was my interpretation of the song) the woman in the relationship was extremely posessive and jealous and every time the man went out, spoke to another woman, had contact with female friends etc, the woman in the song accused him of having affairs that he was not having? What if she continually accused him of looking at other women or cheating on her or told him he didn't love her? Perhaps that is what he means by all the problems being in her head.

There are people like this and IMHO this could be exactly what he is writing about.

Perhaps he did everything he could to stop her paranoia and deal with her insecurity but still she couldn't stop herself from constantly bringing it into the relationship which effectively made it an impossible relationship for him to be in.

I know women like this. It must be a nightmare trying to hold a relationship like that together.

NotmyELFtoday · 07/06/2009 09:52

What if it isn't even about him and somebody he had a relationship with, but (for example) about his parents relationship?

AnyFucker · 07/06/2009 12:43

I think you lot (apart from Nahui and Elf) need to get a life

PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2009 12:46

I haven't listened/can't hear all the words to this song properly. But whenever I hear him sing: "You took something perfect and painted it red" - am I the only one who thinks: "Ooh, I like red, lovely colour." ??

lucky1979 · 07/06/2009 17:18

I'm glad someone else has had the same reaction to me as this song, because I grumble every time it comes on the radio and everyone at work thinks I'm mad.

It' so WHINY!

You took something perfect, and painted it red, and it was all your fault and I was perfect and YOU spoilt it, wah wah wah.

We are both being unreasonable though

SillyDaisy · 07/06/2009 17:22

what isthe painting red ment to mean though?
made him see red?

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 07/06/2009 17:24

LOL have just listened to it.

Yes it does sound self-indulgent and whiny.

If she's bonkers, he should be singing about how relieved he is he got away, and if she's bonkers then it obviously wasn't perfect was it, unless he's bonkers too...