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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect parents to RSVP to an invitation?

19 replies

curlygal · 06/06/2009 19:33

I distributed invitations to DS' birthday party over two weeks ago.

His party is next Saturday so I am keen to know the numbers for getting things organised.

Out of the 14 invites issued only 7 have replied to let me know whether they are coming or not.

Should I anticipate that the ones who have not replied are just not coming, or should I expect them to turn up?

I gave my home phone and mobile no on the invite that clearly said "I will/will not come" etc

OP posts:

crokky · 06/06/2009 19:36

Personally, I'd call up those who hadn't responded. I will disclaim this by saying that my kids are 3 and 1 so I haven't had to deal with these issues yet!

crokky · 06/06/2009 19:37

Perhaps it would be a good idea to put an email address on next time. I often find myself dealing with things at midnight when the kids are asleep - I could send you an email at midnight, but it wouldn't be appropriate to phone!

NooNoo5 · 06/06/2009 19:39

I would account for the non-respondents. I did this with my DS's party and they turned up!! or you could make a point of mentioning it when you see those parents at school/playgroup. I know it's rude of them not to respond but if you want definite numbers just ask them.

Lotkinsmummy · 06/06/2009 19:41

Had party for ds couple of months ago invited 10 children, only a couple answered to say they were coming. Mentioned to 1 mum who did respond that had to assume everyone else busy as had not heard. Most people answered within 24 hours. Had good party, only 1 didn't come .

hullygully · 06/06/2009 19:41

YANBU, but you are being unrealistic..sadly they just don't rsvp, but yes, they usually turn up.

TreeTrunkThighs · 06/06/2009 19:41

YANBU in principle. However I think you need to wait until about Wednesday before getting in touch with the ones who haven't replied yet.

IME people either rsvp straight away or just before the event. There is usually a 'dead' time in between where you hear from no-one - I'm guessing you are in that now

Understand completely your wish to get things organised.

cariboo · 06/06/2009 19:43

I have exactly the same problem: same date and only 6 have replied. It's so rude! I told dd to ask her friends' parents to RSVP me before Monday, otherwise I take it that they aren't coming. Even not welcome, although that would be hard to enforce!

Original poster

curlygal · 06/06/2009 19:47

Thanks will give my email next time.
Most of the ones who haven;t replied are ones whose parents I don;t know or who I never see at nursery to ask.

DS is only three so don;t reckon can trust him to ask his friends to ask their parents to rsvp

Was dreading having so many children and actually only asked so many so as not to exclude anyone which backfired as still missed some and it's mainly the ones I wouldn;t have invited who haven;t replied so perhaps lesson learned?

OP posts:

asicsgirl · 06/06/2009 19:50

I too distributed invites weeks in advance (as party was at the end of half term week so I thought people would make other plans if I didn't warn them well in adv!) Several did not respond and when I cornered them at nursery/ school, said they had lost invite! (I can totally sympathise with this as everything disappears into the pile on the kitchen table in our house, never to resurface). So I was able to tell them time/ place again and everyone showed up and had a great time

asicsgirl · 06/06/2009 19:51

oh yes take point about not knowing kids' parents. I ran after one guy at nursery shouting 'Ruby's dad!'

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/06/2009 19:52

Well, I put tel number, mobile number AND email, so they could phone, text or email me, or see me at school and STILL only 30odd out of 60 rsvp'd!

Since I wouldn't know the parents if I fell over them, and presuming that it would be pointless to write again, since they'd not responded to a brightly coloured invite!! I ended up assuming that everyone who hadn't told me they weren't coming, would show up and catered for that, and bought party bags for that.

Good job, cos I ended up with 59 kids - 40-odd of the invited and the rest siblings or other kids who'd probably been invited by ds without telling me!!!

Original poster

curlygal · 06/06/2009 19:54

wow that's some party and here I am worrying about 14

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/06/2009 19:56

It was lots of fun, and no hassle really. Once you've hired the entertainment and then on the day set the hall out and done the food, you just sit back and hide relax

Original poster

curlygal · 06/06/2009 20:05

am still impressed. am having DS's at our house (small) and am nervous of how I will cope with that many pre-schoolers.

I have some games organised and just hope it will be ok

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 06/06/2009 21:02

oh, preschoolers are totally different! My 59 8-11yr olds is probably the same as 14 preschoolers!

helpYOUiWILL · 07/06/2009 07:12

my ds1 birthday is august so falls in the long holidays. last year i gave a deadline for rsvp and then sent out reminders. i also asked for a mobile number so i could "contact them if there were any unforeseen problems" as it was school holidays. I got the numbers reslly so i could text a few days before to remind them of the party - and lucky i did as 4 text back saying they had forgotton about it and were going away instead.

Original poster

curlygal · 10/06/2009 19:11

I think that's pretty off helpyou! Do these people not have calanders?

Cariboo have you had any more replies?

I chased up a couple whose mobile no's I had.

One of who I don;t know v well so I kind of aaplogised for texting her and asked if she hhad received invite etc.

She came back saying - I;ll let you know on Friday (ie day before party)! No mention of thanks for invite or sorry to not reply.

Plus two who have not replied at all.

feel I;ve made a bit of an mess of the party invites - ends up there were other children we could've invited (who's parents would actually be polite enough to reply) and have invited ones who DS isn;t actually that keen on and only invited as teacher suggested them and they are the ones who didn;t even acknowledge invite

Hope your party goes well

OP posts:

alarkaspree · 10/06/2009 19:19

I think you have to nag people unfortunately - as someone else said I would leave it until say 3 days before the party. Could the nursery give you a list of their numbers if you don't have them?

I felt uncomfortable chasing up, because it's hard to do without seeming like you're pointing out their bad manners. But they have bad manners, so there you go.

Original poster

curlygal · 10/06/2009 19:37

Yes, I did feel uncomfortable chasing this woman I didn;t really know up/

I do think it is v rude - if you get an invite you should rsvp within a week of receiving it if you ask me.

The party is on Saturday - I;ve already got a lot of stuff like party bags organised and need to get food so I suppose the fact that I may or may not have three extra children whose parents didn;t reply doesn;t really make much difference food wise but would prefer to know who to expect on the day!

OP posts:

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