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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a 8.5yr old to wake up at 6.15am to get ready for school because of my selfish needs...

36 replies

nessus · 04/06/2009 22:55

I need to get her to the childminder for 7ish so I can get the 7.34am train to work on time.

Even as I write I feel sad for DD and it hasn't even happened yet

Worse still, I don't drive so it would be a daily brisk 15min walk whilst most children are still dreaming in bed! (We do this daily anyway but normally 90mins later!)

If only I could find a registered au-pair

I feel so guilty to be even considering it so please tell me I am evil to be even considering it so I can stop!

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 04/06/2009 22:57

I dont think its nasty or evil at all
breathe, its ok
you need to do this and I dont htink she will mind at all

Spidermama · 04/06/2009 22:58

I wouldn't like it but then I'm a late to bed and late riser sort of person when I can get away with it. Some people are fine at this time in the middle of the night morning.

I guess she could go to bed nice and early so she's getting enough sleep.

Or you could go to work later?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 04/06/2009 22:58

Can't you wake her at 7:15, take her straight to the childminder so she can have breakfast there? 7:15 is reasonable.

MrsWeasley · 04/06/2009 23:00

I mind children who are up at that time and are a tad younger that yours because parent needs to get to work early.

They do this everyday! They are used to it now. May sure she gets an some early nights to compensate.

pointydog · 04/06/2009 23:02

My kids get woken at 6.30am and it's been like that for years. It's fine. It's not as if you're then sending her off up a chimney.

It's a bit grim in winter but then getting up at 8 is a bit grim in winter. Get rid of the guilt and the sadness. Not necessary.

MrsMcCluskey · 04/06/2009 23:02

My 9 r old is awake at 6.30 every day of the week, needs must!!

ChippingIn · 04/06/2009 23:02

nessus - where have you looked for an Au Pair? Why do you feel the need for a registered Au Pair - there are some lovely young girls out there who would be great, but aren't registered. Your 8.5 year old is well old enough to tell you if the AP does anything she doesn't like (ignoring her, telling her off etc) and being registered is no guarantee of a good one (or is it money related - can you claim something to help pay for it if she's registered?).

I guess as you are so reluctant to do this, that you have gone through all the other options such as starting later, a neighbour, a school friends mum, letting her get herself off to school etc

However, at the end of the day, if you have no choice, you have no choice and at 8.5 she is old enough to understand that and you will just have to stop feeling guilty! (and that's an order!! )

pointydog · 04/06/2009 23:02

she's to be at the cm's for 7, fluffy

roneef · 04/06/2009 23:03

No need to feel guilty.

Children tend to go with the flow.

On the plus side - that 15 minute walk can be golden catch up time for you both.

As long as she's in bed at a reasonable time at night, she should be as fresh as a daisy

Dysgu · 04/06/2009 23:08

DD1 has been arriving at her CM at 7.30am every school day morning since she was 7 months old. Usually up around half six and panic sets in about quarter past 7!

From September DD2 will be joining her and monings will become increasingly 'structured' in order to get out of the house.

However, DD1 has never complained and loves it at CM's.

You have to do this in order to work so move the guilt to the back of your head (I don't think it ever goes away once you become a WOHM) and ensure that you have a structure in the morning so that it is not a fraught and anxious time with you yelling at her to hurry up.

And a 15 minutes walk will be a nice time to chat but I would suggest leaving 5 minutes earlier so that you are not rushing and are not too out-of-breath to chat.

It will be fine.

paisleyleaf · 04/06/2009 23:10

It's not going to be so easy in the winter months
but YANBU
I work with a girl who brings her DCs in to work, then nips off for school run.
You can wait and see if her teacher has any concerns after a time then think again if there's a problem.

Original poster
nessus · 04/06/2009 23:12

Thank you all so much. I know that the truth can hurt, a lot, and I was expecting a hefty dose of 'you evil witch' comments.

I started off looking for an au-pair (it would save me having to worry about getting DD up and ready and dropping her off etc - I could just focus on keeping my head together at that time of day!) because it would mean that DD could stay in bed later and not be dragged from pillar to post (am I using that in the right context?!) but being able to get some money towards my childcare would go a long way over the next 3years as I am going back to being a starving student.

OP posts:
pointydog · 04/06/2009 23:13

why on earth would the teacher have concerns?

Just get her to bed in good time. There's nothing wrong with getting up at 6.15.

ChippingIn · 04/06/2009 23:18

Nessus - how about offering free accommodation in exchange for the morning run - then using a childminder in the evening. I did this (the morning run) for a while when I was working in London as I could start a bit later and it was a great way to save on rent - plus I love kids so it was nice to live with a Mum and her little girl rather than in a house share.

paisleyleaf · 04/06/2009 23:20

"why on earth would the teacher have concerns?"

I just meant if she starts nodding off in assembly or anything....might be a sign of a problem. But I'm sure she won't.

pointydog · 04/06/2009 23:26

sorry, paisley, I was too touchy there

roneef · 04/06/2009 23:27

6.15 isn't that early for an 8 year old!!!

Have to admit it makes me wince but I am NOT a morning person.

Original poster
nessus · 04/06/2009 23:29

ChippingIn This is one case where I would happily give anything for a spare room but alas we only have 2...I did consider moving DD into my room and giving her room to a live-in helper but you can just imagine the reaction that got from my tweenager

Pointydog, this would be a good time to mention that as the course is vocational late finishes are going to be the norm but as long as she gets dinner at C/M's I can have her home and in bed by 8.30pm - but there is a part of me screaming that 9.5hrs cannot be classed as a good night sleep at that age?! She is in bed by the same time now but doesn't get up until 7.45am and is still hard to get up!

Childcare arrangment is the only thing that has the power to make me feel like a sh**ty mom...

OP posts:
pointydog · 04/06/2009 23:33

Bed by 8.30 sounds fine too but that can depend on teh child.

Childcare arrangements make all of us feel shitty at some time or another. I have felt bad about nearly every change in childcare. My dds are now 12 and 10. dd1 is not past childcare. They are both wonderful girls who haven't been the least affected by childcare.

(Are you looking for a reason to not start the course?)

pointydog · 04/06/2009 23:34

dd1 is now past childcare

Original poster
nessus · 04/06/2009 23:55

"(Are you looking for a reason to not start the course?)"

I have to say pointydog that made me smile...you are good, real good lol it is like you knew the emotional turmoil this decision (to do the course) has had me under the past few weeks.

I am doing the course and that is that!

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 05/06/2009 01:19

Nessus - sorry, when you said you were looking for an Au Pair I assumed you had a room for them - so you are looking for a registered, live out AP, who by the sound of it you can't afford to pay very much... I think then, you may have to get used to getting her up early

If you rent, could you look at renting a slightly bigger place and getting a live in Au Pair (higher rent off setting childminder cost), of course you'll still have to pay the AP something, but maybe not too much as you don't need many hours.

muggglewump · 05/06/2009 01:49

I did this a few years ago. My DD was just turned 4 then.
She had to be at the CM by 7.20am, luckily it's just over the road so we'd leave at 7.15am but she had to be ready before hand so up at 6.45 (time to sit on the couch blearly eyed before getting dressed).
I kept it up 3 days a week for 8 months and then gave in on the college course I was doing. It wasn't really what I'd thought it would be but DD just wasn't DD. She hated it. She hated the early mornings, she hated me not being there. Her behaviour changed, the way she was with me changed.
For something that was getting me nowhere it just wasn't worth it.

Of course your DD is a lot older, so is mine now (7) and I'd be more likely to say "tough, this is how it is", with plenty of love and sympathy of course but only you can know how your DD will react, and how she will accept it.

I know mine would struggle now.

I've just applied for another job which will be 7.15am till after 6 out of the house three days a week and I know she will hate it, but I need a job and this time, as she's older I'm prepared to be a bit tougher on her.
I know I won't like it but needs must.

I'd be lying if I said I won't cry and be a bit POC (precious only child) about it though

Original poster
nessus · 05/06/2009 12:53

I love the term POC and I admit I am guilty of that a lot myself!

I start in September and DD turns 9 in January so she is much older than your little madam mugglewump and I am hoping by the end of the first term we will both be more than used to it (To save some hassle, I might cheat and do cabs in the winter as it is minimum fare...)

I am a lot more optimistic about it all than I was an now see it as a viable option.

OP posts:
PrimulaVeris · 05/06/2009 13:10

Don't feel guilty

We had to do similar for many years (though at childminder slightly later, but not much so). It is tiring at first but you get used to it and perfectly do-able. As other posters say, some children are up and awake at that time anyway.

After relative lie-ins during the primary years we are now full circle again being up at 6.30 for eldest to get to secondary.