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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my child to not be punished by withdrawl of food in his first week at nursery?

85 replies

Ozziesmom · 04/06/2009 18:06

I would really appreciate some fedback here! DH and I have just collected DS (just 2) following his third day at nursery to find him playing unsupervised in a room on his own while other children and staff played together in another. This was quite upsetting as he is normally a very sociable child, I don't have issue with this but am setting the scene!

We were then told (by a child) that DS had been naughty and wasn't allowed a yogurt. Indeed this was the first thing he said to us when we saw him. A member of staff told us that he had not been allowed a yogurt for dessert as he had taken two sandwiches instead of one.

I am angry because, firstly, this is his first week, he does not know the "rules" yet- secondly he has just turned two and this is definately normal two year old behaviour! which, yes I agree needs challeging but I thought that withholding food is a big "no no" it is not something we do at home.

Not only this he was clearly made to sit with the group who were all well aware that he was not allowed to eat with them, which I know would have been very upsetting to him- he is still forming relationships there.
Sorry about the ramble I am so upset I could cry! am I being overprotective and unreasonable? There was nothing in the nursery policy to suggest this would be a form of sanction?

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 07/06/2009 09:18

I think it is unacceptable, the DS was only just 2 yrs and on his third day. He was called naughty, denied a yoghurt and left on his own. It must be confusing enough for him, without having to follow rules that he doesn't understand-it is fairly easy to make sure that a 2 yr old only has one sandwich, if that is what they want him to have.
I wouldn't bother with a meeting, I would be very unhappy and move him.

chipmunk1 · 07/06/2009 09:34

am still seething about this a bit on your behalf this morning! I think the food bit can be easily explained to your son and problems avoided in future provided the staff do not use witholding food as standard practise. What has really riled me is the infighting/ blame culture and the fact he was segregated from his group. surely this is a complete breach of their duty of care?
i hope you get it sorted to your satisfaction, and don't be afraid to voice your concerns as loudly as possible.

Original poster

Ozziesmom · 08/06/2009 15:47

Thanks for your advice/support guys
FYI he is not due back into nursery until tomorrow. We tried to organise a meeting for today and the manager is not avaliable (something else which I had noticed is that she is rarely there) so I am meeting with her in the morning.

However I have spoken to Ofsted who have told me that the information I gave would be grounds for an investigation under the early years foundation statutory framework that "no punishment should have an adverse impact on a child's wellbeing" and that he should also be supervised at all times.
I am concerned that if I do complain she is going to again blame it on the other staff which would be awful for them but I shall talk to her about that in the morning.

For those of you asking, the nursery is one large room divided up by large bookshelves and the like. He was in a part of that room unsupervised and on his own and could not be seen by staff.

The other thing I remembered this weekend is that when I spoke to her on the phone after lunch on the day of "yoghurtgate" she told me that lunch had been so popular one of the children had eaten 4 portions! Now even I am confused about the one sandwich/four portions debarcle!

We are off to look at another nursery this afternoon! Hope this mess is behind us soon I am so upset

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 08/06/2009 17:53

Good luck-hope you liked the other nursery.

rubyslippers · 08/06/2009 17:54

i think you are absolutely right to move him

hope you find a new nursery which is fab

good luck

halia · 08/06/2009 19:58

I'd move him - witholding food is an awful way to punish a child. fgs any child who takes two sandwiches is just hungry not greedy! and at 2?!?!

At no age would I ever punish a child for taking two helpings of their main course - thats just ridiculous.

NetworkNanniesSurrey · 08/06/2009 21:49

Hi, Im in absolute shock after reading your message. I cannot believe that happened I have worked in day care for most of my career life and I have never been so shocked that is appalling what they did to your child.He is only 2yrs old settling into a new nursery and learning new rules,they should have taken that into account. You should definately take this up with management and I have to be honest if it was me I would be reporting them to Ofsted and finding a new nursery.

Ineedsomesleep · 08/06/2009 22:28

How did the meeting go with the manager and was the other nursery any good?

Follow your gut feeling and move him.

purepurple · 09/06/2009 07:21

Ozziesmom, I would be interested in how your meeting went.

Bad practice like this needs stamping out.

Sounds like the manager is pants!
Hope you find a better nursery for your DS

MrsKitty · 09/06/2009 08:05

Really upsets me that nursery staff think that this is an acceptable way to treat a 2 year old!

Interested to know what happened at your meeting & hope you liked the other nursery you visited as I don't think I'd be able to relax with my DS continuing to go to a place like that where there seems to be no ownership of responsibility by either the staff or the manager.

Please do report the incident to OFSTED

And I hope you gave your DS all the sandwiches he wanted over the weekend

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