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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really annoyed?

25 replies

naturalblonde · 30/05/2009 06:52

BIL is staying with us for a bit. bil and dh went out for a few beers lat night.

At about 11pm, I discovered dd1 had wet the bed, so changed her pyjamas and sheets.

At midnight, she was really sick. Threw up the chocolate ice cream dh had bought her earlier. (15 mins before dinner time, but that's another story).

It was a mess so I text dh telling him to sober up and come home as dd1 is ill. He was only 10 min walk away or 2 mins in a taxi.

So I get on with sorting her out. Put her in the shower, clean pyjamas, and change the sheets again, while the poor girl sat in our bed shivering and retching and asking for her daddy.

Meantime no sign of dh. I tried ringing but went straight to ansaphone.

So get dd1 back off to bed and I finally get into bed at about 1am.

dh turns up at some point in the night.

Then the kids woke me up at 6am, I took dd2 downstairs to find bil passed out drunk on the kitchen floor. Not what I want to see first thing in the morning on 5 hours sleep. I sent him straight upstairs as did not want to have to explain about drunkeness to a 2 year old. Or have to climb over him to get to my coffee.

So aibu to be really pissed off?

OP posts:

Breizhette · 30/05/2009 06:58

YANBU. I would be fuming.

aGalChangedHerName · 30/05/2009 06:58

I wouldn't have been happy with bil on kitchen floor so YANBU about that.

I wouldn't have tried to get DH home because any of my dc had been sick tbh. After a few beers he would have been unable to help anyway unfortunatly.

However i wouldn't let him sleep too long. In fact i'd get him up no later than 8am and go back to bed!!

BecauseImWorthIt · 30/05/2009 06:58

No you are not!

I think perhaps you were a bit unreasonable to expect DH to come home when your DD was being ill - after all, what use would he have been? He would obviously have been pissed by midnight.

But passing out on the kitchen floor is really not on at all.

I hope you are banging and crashing around in the house now and making as much noise as you can! Suggest that you send kids up to your DH and BIL to bounce on them. (Assuming DD is better now?)

I think you also deserve some time to yourself, so once you know they're awake/up, just scarper!

WinkyWinkola · 30/05/2009 07:00

Erm, no. Going out for a few beers is fine but not getting in such a state. Make sure they're both awake and suffering now. You did all the childcare in the night and now it's your DH's turn.

Your BIL sounds gorgeous - passed out on the floor. Pure class.

cheshirekitty · 30/05/2009 07:13

Think yabu (a tiny little bit) to expect dh to come home when dd1 was ill.

But think yanbu about your bil. I would have dropped a pan on his head!!

Agree with because, you should be crashing and banging around the house now. Make sure they are in charge of the dc today, and maybe do some retail therapy? Or go out with some friends today?

mrsruffallo · 30/05/2009 07:16

YABU to text him to come home becuase your child is ill
YANBU to be annoyed with the bil on the floor

McDreamy · 30/05/2009 07:23

Agree with the others. Your DH would have been no use to you last night but it's horrible when the children are sick and you are alone.

BIL on the kitchen floor is unnacceptable! Think they owe you some time to yourself today or/and a fabulous lie in tomorrow.

I hope your DD is feeling better.

Original poster

naturalblonde · 30/05/2009 07:42

The thing that's really bugged me is that dh didn't even call or text to see how she was. I just said she was ill, which could mean anything from a sore throat to bubonic plague!

Also, since having children, I have never got so drunk that I couldn't sort myself out quickly should the dds need me. I have no doubt that dh adores them, so why does he get so drunk and incapable? I get that he needs time off and to let his hair down, but so do I and I manage to do it whilst always being contactable should something happen.

Is it a man thing? Do other dhs do this? Or am I being silly?

OP posts:

Confuzzeled · 30/05/2009 07:55

Okay, I think that that getting your dh home would've been a waste of time, but he should have texted you back or called to see if dd and you were okay.

I agree that since I've become a Mum I have never lost control of myself because my kids might need me. My dh doesn't think like this at all and no amount of me whinging at him is going to change this. I think if dh's go out and get trashed occationally (and I mean no more than once or twice a year) then thats okay if they need to let off some steam.

I would have been furious to find bil on my kitchen floor, how do you explain that to kids? I also get annoyed with drunken mess which I assume you will have had to tidy up too.

So generally yanu, get angry, open all the windows, turn the hoover on and say your spring cleaning.

traceybath · 30/05/2009 07:57

I'd be pissed off and tired but would accept it wasn't really DH's fault.

BIL on floor not nice at all though.

I'd let DH recover as grumpy tired man wouldn't be much use but then this afternoon send DH and BIL to park with the children whilst you relax/snooze in the garden.

Afraid though i am the queen of the martyred sigh which i know drives my DH potty but i just can't help it

So basically what a agal and mrs r said.

ssd · 30/05/2009 08:01

I'd leave the kids to dh for the day, his head will be killing him

BUT I wouldn't have phoned him to come home from a night out, surely you could deal with your dd yourself?

ssd · 30/05/2009 08:03

oh and I've never been drunk since having kids either, mind you dh hardly drinks either

have you got the hoover going yet, preferably upstairs?

Lizzylou · 30/05/2009 08:06

Completely agree with Mrs Ruffalo, agal and tracey.

I would be making some serious noise this morning and be planning a night out myself tonight in your shoes..

How is your DD now?

KingCanuteIAm · 30/05/2009 08:10

What do you normally do when DH goes out late?

TBH, I am not quite sure why you expect a text back from him, you rang him and it went to answerphone which means the phone is off how could he have even got the message then, never mind replied to it?

You have standards for yourself, that is great, but you cannot expect someone else to live up to those standards just because you do, everyone is different and plenty of people (women included) see a proper night out as being a chance to get totally drunk and incapable, safe in the knowledge that their dc are safe and cared for. If you really have a problem with his conduct in general then it is something you need to discuss but I think you are attempting to impose your standards on your dh and he is not having it - hence the phone being off.

BIL on the kitchen floor - yuck!

idranktheteaatwork · 30/05/2009 08:17

YABU to expect your husband to rush home because a child has vomitted. And would be even more unreasonable to punish him today by banging around loudly, sending kids to jump on him etc unless he does this every weekend.
Why would he text you back even if he had got your message? You said your child was ill, if it had been a full blown medical emergency your message would have been very different and he would have responded.

I don't understand why him having a night out is such an issue that requires punishment afterwards. He is not a teenager that has stayed out past his curfew.

YANBU to be pissed off with the BIL. Not nice.

Original poster

naturalblonde · 30/05/2009 08:21

DD fine this morning, not eating much but cheerful enough and has some colour back in her cheeks.

King Canute - Phone wasn't off, (it's never off) and he got the text just ignored it.

I guess IABU expecting him to come back. I only wanted him back because dd was ill and was asking for him, and if it was me, I would have rushed straight home.

Luckily, bil woke up easily. I expect he'll be really embarrassed later.

Think I'll just take the girls out for the day. I sent dd1 up to wake dh up, but he wouldn't wake up. Won't leave them with him as it's a beautiful day and he'll have a hangover and sit them in front of the tv all day.

Hopefully dd2 will have a nap soon so I can finally get in the shower. and can start planning revenge

OP posts:

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 30/05/2009 08:25

Personally I would have laughed to find BIL on the kitchen floor.

This is a great idea however
"I'd let DH recover as grumpy tired man wouldn't be much use but then this afternoon send DH and BIL to park with the children whilst you relax/snooze in the garden."

KingCanuteIAm · 30/05/2009 08:26

So when you rang, how did it go straight to voice mail?

bigchris · 30/05/2009 08:26

well lone parents cope when they're kids are ill

next tiem get dh to stay at bil's when they're having a night out?

Original poster

naturalblonde · 30/05/2009 08:31

Bil is living with us, I do tell dh to stay with a mate rather than come crashing in drunk at stupid o'clock, but I think was only the 2 of them out.

I think it went to voice mail because i rang a couple of times, first 2 times it rang then went to voicemail, and after voicemail has been activated a couple of times it automatically cuts straight to voicemail.

either that or he had no signal.

I didn't want dh home bacause dd was sick, (although help changing the sheets for the second time in an hour would have been nice). I wanted him home because my sick little girl wanted her daddy.

OP posts:

Original poster

naturalblonde · 30/05/2009 13:55

omg i killed my own thread.

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 30/05/2009 13:57

Glad that your DD is OK now Natural.

How are DH's and BIL's heads?

See, you haven't killed it at all

barnsleybelle · 30/05/2009 14:11

I think if it was a one off then yabu, if they are often out on the lash then yanbu.

If my children were sick, crying for daddy or not, the last thing i would want is drunk daddy even anywhere near the house!!!

ChippingIn · 31/05/2009 00:29

YABU I agree with what 'Idrankthe tea' said, except I wouldn't be pissed off with the BIL either, he moved when you asked...

Your LO had her Mummy, all you had to do was say 'Daddy is out, he'll be back later'. Your husband does not need to be at her beck and call...

vixma · 31/05/2009 00:41

Makes me think how vital you are in the family! You were there, I suppose you got no acknowledgement(not suprised if did not). Your awesome, stuff him.

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