Am I being unreasonable to suggest that kids who are faddy eaters have been "allowed" to become so?

[Lucia39]

This will no doubt get me "flamed" but hell, I don't want to watch the Champions League final so have left other half and teenage son to do so on their own - a good opportunity for some "male bonding" with some beer!

So, what do other parents think? Are faddy eaters born or made?

I recognise that we all have certain foods that we don't particularly care for or like but once those dislikes have been identified surely everything else should be accepted and eaten? I always advocated the "taste it and see" approach which generally worked. Although I wouldn't suggest that a two year old be given red hot Indian food just to "taste and see", but .... you never know!

I also often wonder if some children are faddy because their repertoire has been so limited and/or bland that they view anything that looks or tastes "different" with suspicion.

When I was growing up there was always an option at meal-times "take it or leave it" and my mother held to the view that when we were hungry enough we'd eat. I am also quite sure that a day without solid food will not actually harm any child!

I think there is a fine line here..personal experience tells me fussy eaters can be made worse by how the situation is handled.

I was from one of those families where one child was an extreme fussy eater (my brother), and one pretty much ate most things (me). My brother was very sick as a baby with food poisoning and my mum blamed something she'd given him to eat. As a result she was always anxious around food and coddled and cajoled him to try anything new. He lived on an extremely restricted diet of honey sandwiches, and chicken soup. He's a fussy adult, but has gradually realised his habits were pretty socially unacceptable! I was four years older, so while all this fussing was going on, I think I just got on with things! I also remember thinking it was a huge big fuss over nothing.

I think my brother and I are similar personalities, both a bit afraid to try new things and venture outside our safety zone.

Now I have DD I see similar traits - she's got the typical toddler fear of new things and will turn down most of what I offer her. I hope that my ignore ignore ignore approach will work with her. She's given praise for trying new stuff, but I try really hard not to be bothered if she eats nothing at all.

So, yes, I think there are people who are genetically predisposed to fussiness, but I also think they can be made worse.

I was FORCED to eat everything when I was a child and would sit wretching at the dinner table, getting into trouble for being dramatic.

So I am very laid back about food. It is a battle I choose not to fight. My DC's are requested to try something but apart from the 5 portions of F and V a day, I tend to cater to their likes and dislikes. With DS, he is slowly choosing to expand his food choices, and DD is fairly rigid at the moment. She stopped eating meat at two, and nothing and nobody could get her to eat it.

I think that whilst food is obviously important, and eating healthily more so, it is easy to make food more of an issue than it needs to be.

Message withdrawn

oooh, bloss, I'd never heard of that before, but I think I'm one! My sense of smell very acute too. DH and I had eye drops recently, and I could actually taste them in my mouth, very bitter, dh thought I was crazy.

LambethLil - re your daughter's eating disorder - I don't know what this might be but if it has a pyschological origin I suspect it has nothing to do with her diet when she was a baby and toddler. Worryingly, eating disorders among youngsters are becoming more and more prevalent.

Dalrymps Quote ["I'm off"] End quote

Is that a promise?

Really can't be arsed to read the whole thread, but I'm assuming the OP doesn't realise that many people have large families where the children are brought up being offered the same meals, and with the same mealtime 'rules' or expectations, and a child can STILL end up faddy, or with other eating issues.

YABU and ignorant!

Not read all the thread , sorry.

In my experience my Dcs have had different appetites and tastes from the moment they were weanned.

DD1 had an entire grated peach on her first meal (I was expecting her to to lick a bit of the spoon and stop).

DS2 also ate a lot more than I expected on his first meal.

Both of them were weanned at 4 month as the guidlines where at the time.

DS3 and DD4 have got a birds appetite! The guidlines had changed, suggesting to start weanning at 6 mths. DS3 accepted his first spoon of food when he was 9 months old! DD4 took a spoonfull at 6 month but is very fussy (none of the others are) She will lick food to judge the taste and refuse anything that has not been approved on her first try.

They are now 10,8,5 (today for Ds3) and 2 1/2 and their habits have not changed. The the older 2 have a healthy appetite and do not mind trying more "exotic" food, DS3 eats of everything but in very small qtty as he gets full very fast, any attempt to get him to eat an extra spoon full usually resulted in him being sick. DD4 is a fruit bat but does not eat much of anything else and also gets full very fast.

I do not know why they are as they are but it is definitely one of the few things I do NOT feel guilty aboutas I really feel they were born with this "food settings"

Oh Lucia, fgs stop being so attention seeking. You are embarassing yourself. End quote.

Lucia39 If you'd read my post you'd see that I didn't say that reflux and tube feeding guaranteed feeding issues further down the line. What I did say is that recent research has shown there to be a link between the two. This is a fact based on extensive research. Not carried out by me, but by paediatric consultants and dieticians; the experts in their field if you like. I've simply read their articles and spoken to them, which is I suspect more than you've done.

The research so far has found a link between later feeding issues and reflux/ngt feeding (common in premature babies) in around 80% of cases. As I said before, these feeding issues can be mild to severe in presentation and don't necessarily tally to the severity of the initial problem (i.e. severe reflux, long period of ngt feeding). It would appear logical that an infant with reflux or an ngt tube will associate the sensation of being fed/being full with discomfort and/or pain. It's not a massive quantam leap to understand that these associations may continue with solid food. It's a pathological association and therefore not one that can be instantly cured with a week's perseverence with pureed carrot (if only).

RampantRabbit I read your post with interest as I related to so much of it - the absolute despair and panic you feel for your child when they won't/can't eat. We have overcome many of my daughter's severe feeding issues with a steady and oh-so-slow plan. For six months she ate exactly what she wanted to at every meal. This meant that she lived on baby yoghurts and the breadcrumbs off fishfingers. Not the greatest diet and not something that was easy to do, but we were told by her paediatrician to view it as a long game; to look to the end result. The effect of this policy of 'whatever you want to eat' was that mealtimes became something to look forward to (no stress, only the food she wanted to eat, etc.) and, over time, she relaxed about food. She began to tolerate other bits of food on her plate, the lumps of fishfinger breadcrumbs became larger until they contained bits of fish (triumph!!!!), she began to put other bits of food in her mouth. All over the space of six months and onwards. It was agonisingly slow but the milestones were real. I cried tears of joy in the loo the first time she broke a bead of raspberry off and put it in her mouth.

It goes against the grain to "give in" to a fussy feeder, which is why all the posts on here from nannies congratulating themselves on never having a fussy eater (very much in the 'I run a tight ship' camp....) have made me smile. The treatment protocol for children/toddlers with severe food issues is the total opposite of this - give them what they like, take the threat of food away and you allow them to associate mealtimes with pleasant sensations. Over time, a child in this situation will relax and become more experimental and accommodating with other foods. It takes time but it does work.

Very interesting and wise post, kitstwins. Afraid the person you are addressing won't bother to take in on board, though. She doesn't appear to be at all willing to engage in reasoned debate.

She may not be a fussy eater, but she could certainly compete with a small child in the showing off stakes.

kitstwins. Actually if you read my reply you'd see I never claimed you did. What I wrote was:

"The fact that your children were premature and had to be tube fed must also have played a part in their development."

No mention of feeding per se just a comment regarding general "development".

Given the importance of initial bonding between mother and child I would suggest that it is possible that any premature baby may suffer from certain psychologically based problems in later life and these may manifest in a variety of different ways!

edam Quote ["She doesn't appear to be at all willing to engage in reasoned debate."] End quote.

I'd be more than willing to do so but it seems there is tendency on the part of some contributors to (a) not read [or at least fully comprehend] what has been written and (b) to resort to silly/unpleasant comments. So I have responded to those individuals in like manner.

Those who have shown that they wish to engage in a more serious manner have been accorded the same degree of seriousness. That I may not concur with their observations is, of course, an entirely different issue.

some kids are just plain awkward.

i have three kids

two of them will eat ANYTHING not shitting you - ANYTHING.

one - well he wont eat any potato products. -non.

what teenager doesn't like chips? eh eh eh?

he practically tells me he doesn't like anything

he doesn't like pasta.

he likes curry!

he loves rice

he likes beans

he likes sausage

thats it

he declared he didn't like pizza the other day

i am firmly of the don't pander type of mum

so i cook for us three and he can make his own.

its usually toast, cereal or something

but well - hard shit.

the moral of this story is

some kids are just fussy gits - i have never ever pandered.

when money was as tight as a ducks arse- that kid ate anything i put in front of him.

kids eat if they are hungry. they don't starve.

kids are usually inquisitive and will try things.

i have a nephew and he asked for a drink - he is 6 - " i have nothing but milk" says i.

"oooh he won't drink that" says his mum

i once gave him a kiwi and a spoon - kind of on the down low and he ate it " ooh i can't believe he ate that" says his mum

oops eh -up - its kicking off...teach me to not read the thread.

There you go again, calling people who don't like your style stupid.

Many of us have been on MN long enough to see this behaviour before. It's rather tiresome.

Custardo I think your post says a great deal - that for some children eating may be about power struggles with parents. Hence eating things in another person's home that they wouldn't countenance if given it by their parents.

I also agree with your comment that children will not deliberately starve themselves. They are young animals and the survival instinct is too strong. I'm not suggesting a child should be driven to the extremes of hunger before being compelled, by its natural instincts, to eat something it genuinely doesn't like but if a child is seriously hungry I am of the opinion that it will eat a food/meal that on previous occasions [when it wasn't so hungry or was just "trying it on"] it would have refused.

edam: Please tell me where, on this thread, I have called anyone "stupid"?

You need to read what has been written and not what you think has been written. If, by that, you consider I am calling you "stupid" that is your own interpretation. It isn't what I have written.

Hurrah, a reasonable post from Lucia!

(Although other people have given stories of fussy eaters who ARE willing to starve themselves.)

Btw, I was a fussy eater who was very sensitive to certain flavours and textures - I really did find them repellent and disgusting. But was drilled in manners so managed to force them down if someone else's mother served them up. Even snake soup, one horrible day. (Don't be tempted, it really is horrible.)

We all relax at home and display behaviour we wouldn't in company. Children are no different. Just because a fussy eater will eat something outside the home, it doesn't mean they don't have real problems with that food.

Totally agree with you OP!

Yes it's my fault my DS ended up in hospital after 4 days of not wanting to eat because a bloody HV told me no child will starve themselves and yes of course it too is myfault that he just switched off any sort of appetite for anything other than toast and sausages since the age of 11 months.

I allowed him to do all of this I mean it's not like I have tried the cooking 4 different meals every night method just to try and beg him to eat something else, I have'nt spent days wanting to cry through sheer frustration when he will not let so much as a crumb of bread past his lips and yes next time he is placed on a drip because he will end up severly dehydrated and hungry AGAIN I shall remind myself that it's all my own doing so I have no right to moan about it!

Aah yes he is currently on day 2 of not eating so no doubt in a day or 2 the doctors will be blaming me YET AGAIN.

I have better things to worry about than your stupid little opinion but then what am I moaning about if I had'nt of bowed down to his demands and fed him some sort of food he would'nt be like that!!!!

Hey bloss I used to be a supertaster too! As a kid anything other than plain spaghetti or bread made me retch.

9 years of smoking cured me of that. Not quite what the doctor ordered (and supertaste can fade over time, like other senses), but I will now eat absolutely anything and it's me that tuts at my elders for being picky eaters!

mamadiva - I left this thrad because I couldn't be bothered to argue with ignorance any longer.

Just popped back on to let you know you're wasting your time. Lucia only ever starts threads to wind people up, do a search, you'll see. She obviously leads a very sad, pathetic little life. She has no idea what she is talking about so don't let her upset you

Me thinks you are right Dalrymps

Lucia is an oxygen thief and nothing more...

Indeed she is