to not like my children being referred to as "the twins"

[pjmama]

I'm sure it won't scar them for life but, it is a pet hate of mine! I don't like the idea of them being referenced as a single unit instead of by their names. But then again people refer to their children as "the kids" or "the children" all the time, so I wonder if "the twins" is really any different and I'm just being silly?

Call mine the twins, twinnies, the babies, the wee ones, (DT's/ DT1 & 2 on MN) to distinguish between them & their older sis. If talking about all 3 I say the girls. Too much of a mouthful to list all names. It's only a general,convenient term, as in I'll take the twins in the pram, DD can walk. I call them by their names when talking to them as does everyone else.

My middle two are only 14 months apart and are therefore in the same class at nursery - they've made a point of giving them their individual identities (ie, not sharing the same peg, being in different groups for activities and sitting at different tables for snack and calling them by their first names rather than referring to them as "The surname kids"). It's been invaluable because at their previous nursery I'd get the daily report and it would be, "Yeah the surname's were fine today or the surname's did this today" - absolutely no individuality whatsoever and it's hard enough trying to establish with them that they are each an individual unit.

So - YABU in the sense that them being twins is a feature, but YA def NBU to be annoyed at it in general terms. It might be cute while they're younger but when they get to secondary school and you're attending parents' evening you want to be sure that the report you're getting for each of your children is individual rather than collective so I say GOOD ON YOU and keep fighting the good fight.

• BCB, not at all bitter about being referred to collectively with her sisters as a child ;)

There is a pair of identical twins in DD's nursery class. They're always dressed absolutely identically (you can only tell them apart because one has a mole on his face) and the staff never seem to call them by their names but always call them "twinnies". E.g. "Come here twinny". I don't like it but they're not my kids so it's none of my business. Just wanted to say that YANBU IMO. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, then it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Having said that...I often refer to my cousin's twins as "the twins" . I'll make a conscious effort not to now!

OT here but does anyone else find it a bit strange that it's considered a good idea to dress twins differently to maintain their individuality but there are many people who support school uniform and think that schools should be stricter in enforcing uniform rules?

My mother still refers to my two older brothers as "the boys' and they are 58 and 63!

Juule, very interesting point about dressing twins and school uniforms.

Pjama, yabu. People often speak how it's easiest so "the twins" will be with you forever, I'm afraid. Unless you want to spend time correcting everyone?

My two older brothers (now in their forties) are still referred to as 'the boys' whilst my younger brother and I (in our thirties) are called 'the little ones' which I find hilarious considering we're all 6ft+.

I wouldn't want people to call them twins as a name, as in 'come here twins' but referring to them as 'the twins' I can't really take issue with any more. I used to worry about it when they were smaller, and I rarely call them 'the twins' myself but I don't think it makes sod all difference to their individuality. They've developed personality jsut the same as any other siblings, similar in some ways, mostly individual.

I'm with you, reasonable or unreasonable, I hate the phrase "the twins". I call mine the girls, or the babies, or the nippers, but never the twins. I don't know why, I just don't like it.
I don't take issue with other people doing it (yet ) but most people don't tbh. Twinny, however, would send me over the edge, it's right up there with hubby with words that make my teeth itch.
I dress them similarly but not identically. I want them to see themselves as individuals rather than a unit.

Well thank you everyone, its been great to get lots of opinions on this!

I have twins and I totally get what you're on about. To the people who say 'they're twins, so get over it'; I'd suggest that maybe if when your child walked into school, the teacher said 'hello boy' rather than hello Tom or whatever, you might feel slightly peeved. I think this is the issue. Not that you want to deny their twin-ness or have them referred to in passing as 'twins' like the collective 'kids', 'bears', 'monsters' etc, but that when people address them, it would be nice if they used their individual names as they would with any other child.

Nicky, that's awful. While I can't see the problem with the collective 'twins' I think it's downright rude and bad manners to address them as 'twin' rather than their name when speaking individually.

Could it be that with some identical twins people get confused as to which is which and can only narrow it down to 'twin'?

I only have a singleton but I don't think YABU (in response to someone who posted that only parents of multiples seemed to get this). It would annoy me too. It's probably passive-agressive, but I think in your position I'd find myself doing a lot of that broken-record response thing to try to get people to stop doing it - you know,

• "How are the twins today?"
• "Oh, thanks for asking, X and Y are just fine."

... and repeat.

Just to add weight to the YANBU side - as a mother of identical girls - whom people can not tell apart I detest 'twins'! Just like Nicky, I've suggested that if I addressed other people's children 'Hello boy' or 'Hello girl' they would be upset, so they should not address mine "Hello twins".

The other thing I hate is when DD1 & DD2 are standing with me and people address me saying "which one is which?". My answer to that is "Ask them!".

Unfortunately my '2 girls' (for the purposes of this board) have identity / attachment problems anyway and so 'twins' really doesn't help.

If they weren't twins they'd be referred to as "the kids", "the girls", "the boys". People are lazy, they look for abbreviations. It's much easier to say "the girls" than "How are Ophelia and Antonia liking their new school?"

No, you're not being unreasonable. Not at all. But it's a topic that a lot of people who don't have twins just don't get what the fuss is about, simply because they don't spend every day trying to get people to treat them as individuals.

And the nursery staff should NOT be calling them the twins. If two siblings attended the nursery who weren't twins they would be called by their first names. Your name is a massive part of your individual identity.

I'd have serious words with the staff.

Just don't do what my dh's parents did (and admit they did) which was to always buy a 4pack of cakes etc then give one to mummy, one to daddy, one to older sister and one to "the twins" to share - he still hates sharing food!!

I have a friend who absolutely hates her children being called 'the twins' and she will ask people not to do it saying they are individuals. She has done her best to ensure they never have the same things, although she did give in with car seats (as all seats in the car are the same so why buy different car seats for them to sit in). She has done research into individuality and truly believes that this will enhance their individualism. They are both extremely different and extremely happy. So I think do what makes you feel right! It is not silly or strange!

My children have been called by their sibling's names at school. One year one in particular was regularly mistaken for another sibling.

I have a twin sister and it used to drive us mental to be described as The Twins. It became our (singular) defining characteristic, which is a bit rubbish.

Yes, I don't like it either. Me and DH deliberately went for simpler names than we had on our top list, so that it wasn't a mouthful to say them together, and I almost never refer to them as 'the twins', I will always say 'X and Y'. I am proud to say that it was only when they started school that they even became aware that the word 'twins' was referring to them.

Why does it annoy me? I had twin cousins who were each referred to as 'twinny' and it did my head in. Also I hate the twee-ness that is associated with twins - the Little Miss Twins book for example [shudder].

Anyway, I've tried to avoid it for as long as possible in the hope that they won't get irritated by it too quickly.

My two year old identical boys Matthew and Alexander, are always called the twins by the tourists (we run a restaurant in Crete), but I guess it's fair enough as they only get a week or so to work out the difference. They usually try to make a competition out of working out which is which. Although they do ask the usual questions like 'which one is the naughty one' or 'which is your favourite (?!)