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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not like my children being referred to as "the twins"

97 replies

pjmama · 27/05/2009 13:23

I'm sure it won't scar them for life but, it is a pet hate of mine! I don't like the idea of them being referenced as a single unit instead of by their names. But then again people refer to their children as "the kids" or "the children" all the time, so I wonder if "the twins" is really any different and I'm just being silly?

OP posts:

knockedgymnast · 27/05/2009 14:22

I used to love calling my boys 'the twins' (when they were younger) and also used to put them in matching outfits!!

Fastfoward ten years and the eldest 'twin' is 3 inches taller, has a paler complexion and is over a stone heavier.

I did love the days when they were so visibly 'twins'.

No, I didn't get out much

anniebunny · 27/05/2009 14:35

YANBU. I hate it when my boys are called 'The Twins'. I do frequently call them 'the boys' however! But I have always been very keen on emphasising their differences, have never dressed them the same etc. If it's any comfort the fact that they are twins seems much less interesting to people now that they are nearly 7 than when they were sat in a double buggy!

Trikken · 27/05/2009 14:47

My sisters and I used to get referred to as 'the triplets', which bothered my mum as she wanted us to be individual, it didnt bother us in the slightest tho. It wore off as we got older and did different things and had seperate friends.

throckenholt · 27/05/2009 14:49

there is a difference between referring to them as "the twins" and calling then twin to their face rather than their names.

I sometimes refer to mine as the twins, but never call "twins" when I want them, in that case I use their names.

DH reads famous 5 books to them and it always jars with me when all the twin characters (and there are a lot - maybe she had a thing about twins) - are all treated as a unit and often just called twins (as a name rather than a group).

TheProfiteroleThief · 27/05/2009 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ceolas · 27/05/2009 14:53

I can understand that this would annoy.

However, DH has twin nieces. They are often referred to as 'the twins' and their mother gets really angry about it. Yet she insists on dressing them identically at almost 10 years old. They do the same activities and seem to have nothing of their own identity. Seems a bit weird to me

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 27/05/2009 14:56

DS1 has best friends who are identical twins, I never refer to them as the twins but DS1 refers to each of them by both names because he can't tell the difference or he calls them the twins. I find it wierd when he says (names changed) simon or peter is my favorite friend.

SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 14:57

When I was little - my parent's used to refer to me, my 2 sisters and brother as "kids" or "rent-a-crowd"

Calling 4 names just took too long!

roneef · 27/05/2009 14:58

They will soon say if they don't like when they're older! I do understand you though.

foofi · 27/05/2009 14:58

Haven't read the whole thread - but do call /have called twins 'the twins', and similarly do call my dcs 'the girls' or 'the children'. Can't see what the problem is.

FabulousBakerGirl · 27/05/2009 14:59

It certainly isn't a derogatory term so you are being a bit U.

Do you dress them alike?

I would lvoe to say here are my twins but unfortunately one died so I accept I am not rational about this.

Poledra · 27/05/2009 15:00

pjmama, I have a twin brother. I absolutely hated being called 'the twins'. I have 2 older sisters, and my parents would talk about 'the girls' and 'the twins'. So, they were girls, my brother was a boy but I was just a twin. I detested the fact that we were always in the same class at school as I never got a chance to be an individual. In fact, I went so far as to make sure I didn't apply to the same first choice uni as my brother as I was so desperate to be on my own

Mind you, children will always find something to be pissed off about - if it hadn't been that it would have been something else.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/05/2009 15:14

I have two boys and everyone refers to them as flibberty's boys or the boys.
I am one of four girls and everyone just called us the girls.
Even on xmas cards etc it was to 'fibbertymum, flibbertydad and the girls'.

You've got twins, so thats what people call them!

rasputin · 27/05/2009 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleSarah · 27/05/2009 15:22

I don't see it as a big deal but my mum went through a phase of getting annoyed when we called my brother and sister 'the twins'... even though my sister and I were often 'the girls' and the four of us together were 'the children'. (Oh another good one were 'the Canadian Hunters' who were our cousins from guess where?)

Bizarrely a university friend who I have known for four years now only just realised that my youngest brother and sister are twins! They would never get called 'the twins' now as my brother - who has many issues and to sum up is a juvenile delinquent - is so separate from the rest of the family.

summerparade · 27/05/2009 15:29

YANBu at all. My dads a twin and he has alway said that its one of his pet hates especially when he was a child. If he ever hears anyone refer to twins as twins (even parents of twins) he always says did you mean x and y (giving their names obviously.) So having grown up with this I understand exactly what you mean. They are afterall individuals!

SummatAnNowt · 27/05/2009 15:56

My sis and I were always called "the girls" and I hated it, still do, but it's just so easy to refer to my friend's daughters as "the girls"

retiredgoth2 · 27/05/2009 16:01

.....I should add that my oldest child (the Geeky Urchin, 12 tomorrow!) has Asperger's Syndrome and is unable to (or is uninterested in) tell my twins apart.

Or remember their names, usually.

...therefore, on the few occasions that he refers to them, he does so by gesturing, and saying 'that twin there'.

Tortington · 27/05/2009 16:04

pmsl@ puppetmonkey - literally laughed out loud!

yeah umm - no biggee here b/g twins - it's easier to reference them that way as i have an older son - or it just saves time straight off by mentioning it.

Original poster

pjmama · 27/05/2009 16:48

Thanks everyone for opinions so far!

To elaborate a bit, it's not so much friends and family I have an issue with (mostly they call them by their names anyway). It's more that I hear them being referred to as "the twins" at nursery quite alot by the carers and so the other children end up calling them that too. When they start school, they'll be in the same class (small school) and I'm wondering whether to ask the staff to try and avoid calling them "the twins" so the other kids don't pick up in it and they don't end up being labelled that way for the rest of their school life?! I've no idea whether it will bother them or not as they're too young to worry about it at the moment.

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 27/05/2009 17:10

Labelled as twins?

Oh fgs. They are twins. Nothing can change that. If it bothers you that much, tell the staff but expect quizacle looks.

forkhandles · 27/05/2009 17:22

YANBU I would have an issue with my nursery referring to mine as 'the twins' it's lazy and unnecessary. How much longer does it take to say their names and how are the other children going to learn their names if they hear 'the tiwns' all the time?

Quattrocento · 27/05/2009 17:23

I'd be annoyed if they were triplets

throckenholt · 27/05/2009 18:05

mine also go to a small school and are in the same class. I don't think they are generally referred to as the twins - and certainly not to their face. They do often get called both names by their friends because they don't always know which is which.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/05/2009 18:06

its a label and yes can be annoying

they are twins, but they also have names

my friend has twins (am i allowd to say that) or should i say has 2 children and it bugs her sometimes

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