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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not like my children being referred to as "the twins"

97 replies

pjmama · 27/05/2009 13:23

I'm sure it won't scar them for life but, it is a pet hate of mine! I don't like the idea of them being referenced as a single unit instead of by their names. But then again people refer to their children as "the kids" or "the children" all the time, so I wonder if "the twins" is really any different and I'm just being silly?

OP posts:
l39 · 27/05/2009 18:41

I've often read advice to parents of twins not to refer to them collectively, but I still do to my own identical girls - and it doesn't seem to have scarred them. They're 8. Their class teacher can't tell them apart which is slightly irritating, but then I'm not all that keen on another teacher who keeps tipping up their chins to do so (one has a birthmark under her chin).

I do point out to them now and then not to let each other get hurt as they're worth a lot more as a matching pair

8oreighty · 27/05/2009 18:41

Totally reasonable. I hate it...but mine are nearly 4 and hardly anyone does it any more. I just NEVER do it, and so it doens't really stick. We told my dh father not to keep saying it though. It's annoying, they are two different people and don't deserve to be referred to by their birth order or whatever. I also HATE it when people ask who is older...drives me mad. They are twins f*cksake.

Sullwah · 27/05/2009 19:14

I agree - hate it when mine are referred to as "the twins". Though I usually smile sweetly through gritted teeth.

And in a nursery setting it's not equivalent to calling them "the chidren", "the kids", "the boys" etc as all the others will be called by their names.

YABU

funtimewincies · 27/05/2009 19:45

Depends - were they born on the same day ?

If yes, then YABU.
If no, then YANBU.

OrmIrian · 27/05/2009 19:48

DB got very cross at a certain point in his life at the two of us being referred to as 'the children'. Personally I think he was a bit daft. As, I think, you are.

drinkmoretea · 27/05/2009 19:52

YANBU

I hate it too, I hate it even more when certain grandparents refer to them as 'twinnies'

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!

swanriver · 28/05/2009 10:46

YANBU, I think it is lazy. I made it a point of honour always to refer them as "the little ones" or "the babies". It is only recently I have sort of realized they ARE twins - it's weird, spent so long feeling they were completely independent beings, that I forgot to recognize their twinniness. Now I say proudly "the twins" to remind myself.

BitOfFun · 28/05/2009 10:54

"The sextuplets" would be more of an issue...did you see in the papers about a new set born this week? No IVF either- mind-boggling!

Sassybeast · 28/05/2009 11:19

YANBU. It amazes me that parents of multiples get slated for dressing twins alike and by the same token, get slated for trying to encourage their individuality. Still, labelling 'the twins' is up there with 'Are they identical' - er no - They're different sexes you muppet and 'Ohhhh - you've got your hands full, double trouble buy one get one free ?' Cos like multiple mums have NEVER heard those original lines before

Toddmummy · 28/05/2009 11:29

i have a 4yr old DD and 2 yr old girl twins. I don't like the younger two being labelled the twins, mostly because it excludes their sister, so i call them the little ones. doesn't esp bother me at nursery at the moment, but i think they call them by name like we do. i understand why people get knarked, and why non-twin people do it.

Toddmummy · 28/05/2009 11:36

however i was thrilled at alton towers when someone said 'ooh look triplets!'. at least all 3 daughters can be a circus attraction then!

juuule · 28/05/2009 11:46

Yabu - they are twins.

As others have said on here other children also get grouped.

Mine are at times 'the boys' 'the girls' 'the little ones' 'the big ones' 'the older ones' 'the teens'.

Toddmummy · 28/05/2009 11:56

so am i right in thinking mostly people with multiples think YANBU but people with singletons think YABU?

cory · 28/05/2009 11:57

My friend felt the same. By the time they got to junior school, she was doing it herself.

Maveta · 28/05/2009 12:06

another vote for YABU! I ask my friends:

friend 1 - "how are the twins?"
friend 2 - "how are the kids?"
friend 3 - "how are the boys?"

Of course I know their names but it actually feels more normal to use the collective noun in this kind of context.

If someone was regularly saying "oh hello twins" "twins, could you come over here?" that would be weird and YWNBU to be annoyed but in the general reference sense it's as valid at "the little ones" or "the babies" what's the difference??!

dairymoo · 28/05/2009 12:51

YANBU. It annoyes me too. Especially when family in particular ask, 'are the twins coming?', when they refer to my DN using her own name. Agree that in some circumstances it makes sense, but I have to say that I always refer to my DTs as 'the girls'.

tkband3 · 28/05/2009 13:02

Another YANBU here - but I have id twins. When they were little we used to call them the babies, but as they've grown up they are called by their names, or collectively with DD1, the girls.

I corrected my mother once, when I was being extra precious about it (a long time ago now ) and she very rarely calls them the twins now, but my father often does - I don't say anything, but I do always make a point of referring to them by their names immediately after. FIL used to actually call them 'twin' to their face, instead of using their names, which I hated, but he was frail and had dreadful eyesight. He was also extremely fond of them so I just bit my tongue. He's no longer with us and I would rather he were around to call them 'twin' than not.

They will be in separate classes when they go into reception in September, but for the moment are in the same nursery class at the school. They wear uniform and it is hard to tell them apart, although I have tried my best by buying them different shoes, coats etc. They do have distinguishing features though and it is easier to tell them apart as they get older. I was horrified the other day to hear one of their teachers call them individually by both names (DT1name-DT2name IYSWIM), said very quickly together - she obviously hasn't got a handle on who is who at all and can't be bothered to work it out so calls them both by both names . It didn't work - neither of them responded .

throckenholt · 28/05/2009 13:20

my twins wouldn't respond to their name at roll call time at playgroup/school - but they would look at the other when their name was called so the teacher used to watch them - see which one looked at the other and think - aha - that is x - and remember what they were waring for that day - then go the name right for the rest of the day

wahwahwah · 28/05/2009 13:21

I used to get that a lot. Any me sister was (still is) 2.5 years older than me!

twinmam · 28/05/2009 13:50

YANBU I don't like it and never have, tho not sure why or why I don't mind them being referred to as 'the girls' or 'the babies'.

mamadiva · 28/05/2009 13:55

I have identical twin sisters and people forever refer to the them as the twins as if it's so hard to say 2 names?!

Annoys me and my mum, the girls (don't want to say their names) are 3 so don't notice yet.

So YANBU they are individuals and just because they share a birthday does not been they should be lumped together at every chance!

BouncingTurtle · 28/05/2009 13:57

PuppyMonkey - how did you know that is how I refer to my own twin brothers

Never really got on with either of them, because of their BNPish tendencies. Though they have started to mellow.

Nyx · 28/05/2009 14:22

I'm an identical twin and didn't mind us being collectively called 'the twins'. However, hardly anybody called us by our names at school, we were just 'Twin' or 'Twinnie'. And I mean, all the time! It got to the point where it sounded strange to me to hear somebody say my real name. It still does, to some extent. DH never calls me my name, he calls me a pet name instead, whether we're at home or out - the only time my proper name comes out of his mouth is if he's talking about me, not to me.

So...if I'd had twins myself (which I wish I had!) - I would probably call them 'the twins' but would be careful that people used their names when speaking about them individually or to them.

Nyx · 28/05/2009 14:31

Oh, and the other thing is - I answer to either of our names now, mine or my sister's My gran and grandad used to call us both by her name (it's shorter than mine). Hmmm.

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 28/05/2009 15:06

YANBU I bristle about this too. I think twin parents are very conscious (rightly according to the experts) of encouraging each child to have separate identities, to avoid them growing up as dependent, same-dressing, still sharing a bed at 84 types.

So I don't think it's the same as calling siblings "the boys" at all - there are identity issues at stake here.

I tend to interrupt people when they do this and suggest they say girls instead of twins. So if YABU, then IABU - and that can't be right .

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