to be annoyed that my husband has made no effort for my birthday?

[SarahL2]

It is both mine and my DH's birthdays in May. His at the beginning of the month and mine today. I'm now 31

For his birthday, he refused to take the day off work but I tried to make it special anyway but organising his parents to babysit and taking him out for a suprise meal at a reseraunt he loves in the evening. I bought a special "Daddy" card and had our son draw in it for him and got him a couple of presents.

Today, it's my birthday. He admitted last night that he'd not taken the day off and would be going to work - great. I got up with our DS this morning to find he'd slipped a card in his cot but not a speacial "Mummy" one, it's a cheap, nasty, 50p from Tesco's card that I kept in a box of wrapping paper etc for emergencies when I've forgotten to get a card so obviously he'd forgotten to get one and had paniced. There is no card from him.

Added the this, DS nappy was full of black, sticky, stinky poo this morning which did absolutely nothing for my morning sickness (I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant), DS is in a bad mood (was a ray of sunshine yesterday!!) and refused to eat any breakfast, the fire alarm battery is dying so the alarm keeps cheeping and there is no way I can reach it to stop it and it's raining

All my friends are busy and DH works an hour away from home so there is no way I'm going to get a suprise visit at lunchtime.

I asked him last night if I needed to clean the house for babysitters but apparently I don't

DH works really hard and supports us all so that I can be a SAHM and I appreciate that totally but is it really too much to ask to have a little bit of extra thought or effort on my birthday?

I'd hold fire for a bit, you may well get suprised later

Happy Birthday from me, anyway

If he doesn't come through with something spectacular this evening, then I'd beat him with a shoe until he cries!

Happy Birthday!

YABU about the day off work, though. I'm sure he'd take time off if it was that easy. And YABU about the birthday card too. I think you expect too much if you think your DH knows that those were meant to be cheap and nasty cards for last moments of panic (anyway, why do you keep them if even you don't like them)? He saw a card, it fulfilled the purpose.

YANBU about the stinky nappy, though. Also YANBU about the rainy day

Happy Birthday from a fellow gemini (it's my birthday on friday). I learned the hard way with my dh that I basically need to make my own happiness om my birthday. If I want to go out for a meal, I need to book it, ditto babysitter, ditto even staying in with a nice meal - I have to buy the ingredients. It's not that dh doesn't care about me, or not love me, I know he does. But he doesn't care about his birthday, so to think of somebody else's day of birth as a special day is incomprehensible to him. (once you are over the age of say 12)
Perhaps your dh is the same?
It is hard when one of you sets greater store about things than the other

Some people just don't 'do' birthdays.
So may I suggest you get yourself into town,m buy yourself a little treat - some flowers? A book? - and have a nice coffee or lunch with your baby.

Happy Birthday!

I too have had Birthdays like this ....... (not many, but it hurts when the DCs are young and it's all give, give, give).

Did you ask him to take the day off work? Sometimes you have to make it crystal clear .......

He may surprise you, though. Let us know

happy birthday

it's a bit crap isn't it? But you can't really blame your DH for the weather or you DS's nappy contents!

You may have to take matters into your own hands and organise it yourself. As for organising baby sitters - my DH has never done that in 8 years - I would be seriously shocked if he did!

Mine never takes the day off for his OR mine, so YABU about that. But not about the rest. Buy yourself something expensive today .

Its my 40th in just over a week I practically had to force him to get me a present I wanted - nothing special arraged ( I am pretty sure) and to top it all he said MIL could stay - for 5 weeks including my bday as he forgot when it was. So I can sympathise but I don't think I'll ever get a special bday from him. Instead I am going to do as I please on the day and try to enjoy myself.

I am one of those people who does not make a fuss about my own birthday and DP has to make a fuss for himself for his own! He likes to take the day off work and plans what present he wants ages in advance - he even emails his amazon wishlist to close family who then find it easier to get him something that he wants.

I am sure he would prefer for me to make a bigger fuss - he arranged for us all (us with 2DC) to go to London just before his birthday this year - he turned 40! I did get him a card and one from the children that DD1 'drew' in. he bought himself a new flat screen TV as his gift and we bought a couple of things in London that were then described as gifts from me and the children - in fact, he even bought one of them himself!

For my birthday we often go out for a meal - I have not had a birthday since arrival of DD2. He buys me a card, flowers and a gift - something I like but have not had to select myself!

My birthday is the day after my mum's and I think it has always taken precedence over mine. Even now, the family (siblings, sons-in-law and grandchildren) take my mum and dad out to dinner on her birthday and then, as an afterthought, people sometimes give me my gifts too and expect them to be opened!

However, everyone is entitled to feel special om their own birthday and I suggest that you head off and buy yourself something you want, have a nice day and order your favourite take out or buy a nice meal for this evening.

Happy Birthday!

YANBU but that would be a fairly typical scenario in the kiddiz household except I wouldn't have got the card either. The only post I got on my birthday this year was the gas/electric bill!
Like someone else said there are people who just don't do birthdays and my dh is one of them. None of the family would get cards or presents if I didn't organise it. That said he would be mightily upset if we all ignored his birthday!
Have a lovely day ..ignore the weather and go out and treat yourself

its really early wait for him to come home and se if he has made any effort

i never expect dp to take day off but i also wait till the end of the day before i complain about what he hasn't done

as for the card thing the thought was sweet just because we have ideas of cute things to do men dont think in a cute kind of way but in his own way he surprised you

and i find hints work well as men do struggle on how to do special things gradually through out year id drop hints of things i like what i dont like

it doesnt mean your not cared about men just dont think as women do if they did they'd be dangerous lol

happy birthday and i hope when he gets home it'll be nice but dont expect things as there thoughts are normally in the right place

i find training them up works wonders and just being together without expectations then you wont be disappointed

Happy Birthday Sarah

It doesnt sound as if your DH has the first clue about what you want.This is common and no slight on him or you.Its just the way some men are.

You have to make your own birthday special and teach him that this is how it should be. A nice card from the proper card shop. A nicely wrapped present and a special meal.
So your task today is to go shopping for your birthday present and meal ingredients(M&S for both?) and have them all ready for when he comes home.
Show him that although he doesnt 'do' birthdays you do-and for the good of his health he should quickly learn this simple fact.

But kudos to him for putting the cheapo card into the cot -I suspect that this was meant to be a wonderful surprise for you.

I did ask him to take the day off work. At the time he thought it would be no problem. To be honest, I would guess it's still no problem but as mollyroger says - he just doesn't 'do' birthdays and doesn't see the big deal. He took DS's birthday off but then DS is 2.

The card is a kids one with a large green dinosaur on the front. It fulfilled the purpose it was bought for - being a stand in card, probably for the child of a distant relative who's birthday I forgot till the last minute. There were also a load of completely blank cards in the box which he could have had DS colour all over which would have been nicer. He knows I like hand made cards, we made one for his own Mum at the weekend!

I'm happy to admit that it's probably all not quite as bad as I'm making it out to be and that all these pregnancy hormones may be making me a little over-sensitive. Of course he's not responsible for the weather or the contents of DS's nappy but that was just the icing on the cake!

I might pop out this afternoon and spoil myself a little but I'm still holding out hope that he might come through this evening.

If not, I'll be going with pjmama's suggestion and then taking myself out on a shopping spree

Happy Birthday Sarah! I anticipate having exactly the same problem as you next Monday. My dh has never made an effort for my birthday and eight years later I have stopped expecting one.

Which is quite sad, on reflection, but at least I'm not disappointed any more!

well have a good day with the way work is at the moment maybe he is slightly worried on taking the day off

anyway i always buy dp child like cards from ds as i like to see it as a childs veiw of buying a card and it'd be kiddy like maybe he thought this too

anyway see what tonight brings hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised

YANBU - my bloke hasn't bought me a pressie or done anything for my birthday for the last 3 years. Next year I am going to buy myself something nice and give him the receipt to refund me, you should do that

I am really surprised to see that grown ups expects their partners to book a day off work for their birthdays. Really surprised.

I am speaking from the perspective of somebody who is happy to receive a kiss and a "happy birthday". It is enough for me, but I understand that some people are a little more demanding than me.

However, we both make a huge fuss over our childrens birthdays, but they are children after all.

Maybe if you toned down your expectations a little bit you would not be so disappointed?

Happy Birthday!

Sorry you're having a crap day and added morning sickness too. I don't agree that just becausea person 'doesn't do birthdays' it's an excuse for them to put in as little effort as possible. If someone makes an effort for your birthday and you don't reciprocate the effort then I think it's plain rude and very self absorbed. Therefore.......yanbu.

Happy Birthday!

If your DH usually makes a fuss then YANBU, but if he is the sort of person who is not bothered about birthdays and doesn't usually do much, then YABU to expect him to make a big deal of it.

My DH doesn't "do" birthdays but I have always known that and although I would LOVE him to spoil me rotten one year I know it's not going to happen! So I usually arrange something nice for myself to do, like meet a friend for lunch or go shopping etc. This year my birthday was the middle of all the snow and I had a cold anyway so once the DCs were at school I went to the library and rented Mama Mia, bought a big bar of chocolate, put my feet up on the sofa and sang along to Abba all afternoon - fab

to be honest i think its just a male thing girls were made to feel like princesses on there b day boys were slapped on the back in a manly way and sent off with there mates

its the thought that counts i dont expect much from my partner at all just some show of thought a nice card or cook me dinner

having expectations or thinking they should match up to what you do would always leave you disappointed

girls are naturally more birthday orientated out with friends with silly hats on etc men just a few pints down the pub with no mention of happy b day or a card in sight

happy birthday!

if its any consolation for my 30th i got to walk round a car boot sale and was given a lovely bottle of wine from the collection on top of our fridge, which has since pretty much been reclaimed. the wine you see is his, not ours.

pranny.

He took the day off on my 30th and got me a lovely, thoughtful gift which was a suprise and I loved!!

Has just mailed me to say that I might have to wait until tomorrow for my present as it hasn't arrived in the post.

It's not the 'stuff', it's the lack of thought. I know he forgot the card cause I saw the look on his face last night when cards were mentioned. I know he didn't even consider taking me out for dinner like I did with him cause he muttered something about not being organised when I asked if I needed to clean for babysitters last night. I guess he probably meant to take the day off but didn't do it in time.

He knows my birthday is 3 weeks after his and yet it's like it's all crept up on him. I suppose I just don't feel very special to him right now.

Dont worry about it Sarah!

We dont do birthdays at all in our house so anniversaries are a big deal to me!

I got DH a season ticket for rugby (this is 3 weeks ago) and he got me a toaster and a compact kettle to save energy!

I am still not over it.

Oh! and no card from the children.

It isnt about the stuff - it is the lack of thought.