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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that my husband has made no effort for my birthday?

64 replies

SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 09:19

It is both mine and my DH's birthdays in May. His at the beginning of the month and mine today. I'm now 31

For his birthday, he refused to take the day off work but I tried to make it special anyway but organising his parents to babysit and taking him out for a suprise meal at a reseraunt he loves in the evening. I bought a special "Daddy" card and had our son draw in it for him and got him a couple of presents.

Today, it's my birthday. He admitted last night that he'd not taken the day off and would be going to work - great. I got up with our DS this morning to find he'd slipped a card in his cot but not a speacial "Mummy" one, it's a cheap, nasty, 50p from Tesco's card that I kept in a box of wrapping paper etc for emergencies when I've forgotten to get a card so obviously he'd forgotten to get one and had paniced. There is no card from him.

Added the this, DS nappy was full of black, sticky, stinky poo this morning which did absolutely nothing for my morning sickness (I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant), DS is in a bad mood (was a ray of sunshine yesterday!!) and refused to eat any breakfast, the fire alarm battery is dying so the alarm keeps cheeping and there is no way I can reach it to stop it and it's raining

All my friends are busy and DH works an hour away from home so there is no way I'm going to get a suprise visit at lunchtime.

I asked him last night if I needed to clean the house for babysitters but apparently I don't

DH works really hard and supports us all so that I can be a SAHM and I appreciate that totally but is it really too much to ask to have a little bit of extra thought or effort on my birthday?

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 10:49

Ordered myself one of those enormous French Fancy Birthday cakes from Tesco's which got delivered about half an hour ago.

DS has just gotten it off the side in the kitchen and come running into the lounge to throw it top down at my feet!

I'm so fed up

OP posts:
mrsjammi · 27/05/2009 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 11:04

It looks a bit squashed now not here you go cake

Will try to find someone but I think they're mostly busy today. Plus, I'm finding it harder and harder to hide pregnancy so I've been hiding myself a bit. Had a previous miscarriage so am paranoid.

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 11:05

That should have been "It looks a bit squashed now but here you go..."

OP posts:
lovelyboy · 27/05/2009 11:07

Many Happy Returns to you. I would be pissed off as well. But some people make more of an effort than others. I am on your side though.

Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 11:11

Thanks lovelyboy

cake ?

OP posts:
ClaireDeLoon · 27/05/2009 11:15

Happy Birthday!!

Was my birthday on Saturday and I ended up crying because for DP's birthday I organised a weekend away and for mine I was painting the kitchen, so as far as I'm concerned YANBU (but I was and I knew it, because he had got me lovely present etc and I was being precious)

gingernutlover · 27/05/2009 11:21

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

RE the cake: it's a sign - clearly you should eat the cake!

congrats on your pregnancy too and good luck

would second what some people have said about making your own happiness on your birthday - go out and have a coffee and cake with ds or with a friend if you can find someone. Wear a big baggy top if you're worried about bump showing.

gingernutlover · 27/05/2009 11:22

oh and last brithday my dh went to work and left me with dd (not in itself a problem) after she had been up since 3.30 am for the day had a crappy birthday, but fingers crossed this year better.

Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 11:24

Cannot find any friends who are free but think I may take DS and I to Pizza Express to cheer myself up..

Unless of course, the place is rammed cause it's half term!

Ok, I admit it, I'm hormonal and grumpy!

OP posts:
bloss · 27/05/2009 11:35

Message withdrawn

Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 11:47

I've always taken the day off work for my birthday. Only time I ever worked it was one year when it was my first day on a new job!

I just think it should be more special than a normal working day.

Have found a friend for lunch though. We're all off to Harvesters. Should be slightly quieter that the city center Pizza Express

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 14:50

Am much more cheerful now. Had a lovely lunch at Harvesters with 2 of my friends and thier 2 year olds. We had jelly and ice cream too

Also got home to find a card from City Link. Seemed they had tried to deliver my present from DH. Will be sending him to pick it up later...

OP posts:
isenhart7 · 27/05/2009 15:20

It could be worse. My DH forgot my birthday one year because it fell on the same day as the superbowl. I dropped all kind of hints-like I could get a cake for the halftime show but to no avail. Some friends dropped by at halftime for some cake and brought gifts-he was totally oblivious.

slightlyonedgemum · 27/05/2009 15:22

For my birthday this year (the first married and third together), I took the day off as it was school holidays and my DH and DSS were off. Figured if I'd have a day doing nice things, it might as well be my birthday (normally I work).

My birthday present I'd sent him a link to (I'd said I'd like it and he said he wanted to buy it for me) and the other 'thing' was something he'd seen in a shop that he probably thought was cute. I don't do cute.

Two days before my Mum said something about giving me my present the day before and I said 'aren't I seeing you again'. Mentioned this to DH, he invites my parents the day before and rushes off to Sainsbury's in a blind panic (incidentally, on a rushed afternoon).

He did however, a few weeks before say he was thinking what to do as he knows I tend to feel let down by birthdays. Stupidly got my expectations up. Discovered the day before it was somewhere he wanted to go (and is my idea of hell for more than 30 mins) and it wasn't open anyway. My DSS had made me a picture in a rush the day before when my DH obviously thought about it. Spent the first 2 hours of my birthday looking at places to go on the net and wanting to cry. My sister did phone and say could they pop over with my present in the evening which was a definite yes!

Was ok in the end but didn't exactly feel special and in fact, more let down than normal!

To put this into perspective, on his birthday, I took the afternoon off, made him a birthday tea (including cake that took fecking ages to make) for all his family and friends, spent ages choosing his present, took DSS on a special trip to buy his present and then make a card, generally spoilt him rotten.

No he's not been forgiven and I suspect he still doesn't quite 'get it'.

So, totally NBU and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

lalalonglegs · 27/05/2009 15:34

Happy Birthday, SarahL2 - it's my birthday today as well. Can we be MN twins? (BTW, had to get up early today to make my own cake...)

minxpinx · 27/05/2009 15:40

Happy birthday! It's my birthday too and I'm in bed feeling I'll.
Scoff that cake up and have some fun for me too

minxpinx · 27/05/2009 15:41

Ill not I'll darn predicting text thing

Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 15:58

Happy Birthday lalalonglegs and minxpinx !!

Birthday twins, sorry triplets, I like it

Sorry you're feeling ill minxpinx - get well soon..

Will have some cake for both of you

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 17:41

Was going so well but now DH - who promised he would be home on time tonight - is late

OP posts:
AnguaVonUberwald · 27/05/2009 18:11

Oh sweetheart, I like a really big fuss on my birthday too, and if I was pregnant with my second, DH would really know about it if he didn't! I hope its a good present and he makes a fuss of you tonight!

Original poster
SarahL2 · 27/05/2009 18:12

Apparently he was late due to a car fire on the M1. He's just gone to the parcel delivery place to go and pick up my present.

Will let you guys know what it is later

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 27/05/2009 18:23

Happy birthday to all of us on this thread - it's mine aswell.

I ALWAYS take the day off for my birthday, when I was at school it was always in the holidays. I was going out for the day with a friend but the weather was awful so she came over and we all had hot-dogs for lunch, the kids played then we took them over to the park for a run.

My ex left last year so I don't have a partner. My kids (my mum) brought me a photo frame with some pics of them in and a box of chocs. My mum got me some tree lillies and we are going shopping at the weekend for a new bag and a friend dropped over with a cards and some chocs. And I brought myself an orchid and a new mobile phone - I am much better at birthday presents for me than my ex was .

ChampagneDahling · 27/05/2009 18:42

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH !!

I hope your birthday got better and that you did get a special something from DH.

I also think you should have a little "chat" with him about how you and your new family "deal" with birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Mothering Sunday etc etc in the future - it is obviously important to you (and me yay!) and it is important that he understands that and that he makes a bit of effort for you. Everyone is different but you need to have an agreement. I had to do this with DH because for his family Christmas is a BIG thing but they ignore birthdays, anniversaries, Mothering Sunday etc etc etc and I could not work that way. I like to celebrate anything and everything - yay!

Be happy

ChampagneDahling · 27/05/2009 18:43

Sorry - meant to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all the other May birthdays today and anyday in May - the BEST month to have a birthday