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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to spy on my dh?

62 replies

mrsnosy · 25/05/2009 23:09

I have namechanged because I'm a little bit embarresed about this.

I received a letter from my kids secondary school telling us we were entitled to a free trial of "cybersentinel" to protect and monitor our dcs computer usage.

It occured to me, could I instead use it to monitor my hubbys usage?

Or what that be a horrible invasion of privacy.

Anyone got any experience of "cybersentinel"? anyway.

OP posts:
MamaG · 25/05/2009 23:09

It would be a horrible invasion of privacy

BCNS · 25/05/2009 23:11

it's really not a good look.. and what happens if you find something and then have to expain why you upset and that you have been snooping.

would you like someone to look through your stuff.??

Olifin · 25/05/2009 23:11

Eeek!

I don't know anything about this software but....I take it you have reason to suspect your husband is up to something?

It would be an invasion of privacy, I think.

Probably better to talk to your husband about your suspicions but I can totally understand the temptation to spy.

mrsnosy · 25/05/2009 23:12

but the school are encouraging us to use this to monitor our kids. Why is it OK to monitor them but not my dh? Genuinely puzzled?

OP posts:
whooosh · 25/05/2009 23:12

IMO it would depend on if you had "grounds" for wanting to monitor DH......it is an invasion of privacy but if you have reason to believe he is "up to something",illegal,immoral or otherwise and need proof then....cheaper than a private detective.

memoo · 25/05/2009 23:13

what whooosh said

mrsnosy · 25/05/2009 23:13

Olifin - I don't suspect my dh is up to anything but it's almost as if the temptation is too hard to resist. It would be so easy.

OP posts:
MissSunny · 25/05/2009 23:13

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie · 25/05/2009 23:14

i think it would be odd to want to do this.why would you want to?does he do anything to make you think hes doing thinks you should know about?invasion of privacy imo.

SerendipitousHarlot · 25/05/2009 23:14

mrsnosy, 'genuinely puzzled?'

cheesesarnie · 25/05/2009 23:14

what if he did it to you?

MissSunny · 25/05/2009 23:14

Message withdrawn

mrsnosy · 25/05/2009 23:15

Actually, I do think it's possible he may be having an affair but if I confront him he will deny everything and this will just get his guard up.

OP posts:
poshwellies · 25/05/2009 23:15

Why would you want too?

They monitor the kids to make sure they don't break the school rules on internet usage (ie no over 18 content)

How old is your husband?

BCNS · 25/05/2009 23:16

BTW I said what I did.. having snooped.. but I had a pretty good inclin H was upto something.. and I found the something, and then I printed it off, and told him he was a lieing toerag.
(he was stood there denying everything) .. not a good look.. and if it's just that your being nosey.. don't do it.

dc's need to be kept an eye on.. and tbh.. if they know you can check IME they keep it clean.. or do it on someone elses pc

mrsnosy · 25/05/2009 23:17

poshwellies, I know they monitor the school computers, but this that they have given us it to monitor their computer usage at home.

Does anyone know "cybersentinel"? I'm curious as to what it actually does.

OP posts:
EachPeachPearMum · 25/05/2009 23:18

why would you want to?
How would you feel if he did it to you, and read all your posts?

poshwellies · 25/05/2009 23:18

No doubt it will be a keylogger

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/05/2009 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Olifin · 25/05/2009 23:18

Ahhh...if there's no suspicion then I can't see why you want/need to snoop.

The reason it's ok to monitor your children's usage is because they're children and they may be accessing stuff that is not appropriate for their age, that you, as a parent, would want to know about.

The reason it's not ok to monitor your partner's usage is because he's an adult and, as such, can look at whatever he likes on t'internet.

cheesesarnie · 25/05/2009 23:19

here

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/05/2009 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie · 25/05/2009 23:20

i think in same position if i truly thought dh was having an affair-after contronting him,id snoop.even though i hate myself for admitting it im just being honest.

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/05/2009 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Olifin · 25/05/2009 23:23

Oh, me too cheesesarnie.

Which is why I think it makes a big difference here whether the OP does in fact have suspicions or not.