to feel pissy about having to spend so much on a friend's wedding?

[HangingOnTheTrubliphone]

Am bridesmaid to a dear friend - as she was for my wedding - although since my DS was born we aren't so close (she doesn't have children).

Anyway, she has booked us a hotel room at the venue for the night of the wedding, and has reserved us a room for the night before also. It's a really long drive so I guess we will have to stay somewhere the night before (2 nights away from DS will be the longest I've done so far) but the cost for two nights at the hotel will be £300! Friend said 'I know it's expensive but I only intend to get married once'. Fine, but £300 is nearly two months of nursery fees for me! Not to mention getting there and back (car hire, petrol), wedding present, buying my bridesmaid dress, hen weekend will cost over £100.

Argh, why do these things have to be so bloody pricey, and so rife with things you could end up falling out over?? It's a minefield

I read this and scuttled off to Trip Advisor to have a look and was about to link the one that Sproglett has, great Trip Advisor reviews

There is no way I would pay all that for a wedding and personally I don't think a good friend would ever expect you to. £675 is still way too much in my opinion, I would also miss the Hen night.

We went to a truly fantastic wedding at Claridges recently, where they had really thought about it all and had made sure that friends could stay places for free if they needed to. The stag night (that DH sadly didn't end up making due to DS was ill) was £45. Some of their friends are pretty wealthy but they were very aware that others were not and made sure no one was in a situation where they had to fork out a fortune which is as it should be. They would have been utterly mortified if someone missed out on a family holiday to be at their wedding.

YANBU!

You shouldn't be expected to pay for your BM dress, or your hotel room!

I paid for all 3 bridesmaid's dresses, my uncle, the grandad of the 2 youngest bridesmaids paid for the alterations as they weren't quite right when we got them, but only because he insisted.

Everyone was having to stay over night as our friends and family don't live anywhere near us, but we found a premier travel inn near the wedding venue and negotiated a discount of nearly 50%, and we didn't have the wedding until 4pm so that people had the choice to travel up on the day and still have time to change into their outfits before the big event.

I really feel strongly that yes ultimately the wedding day is about the bride and groom, but I think a huge part of that is making it is easy as possible for your family & friends to attend and enjoy themselves.

I had a fantastic day, made more special when I saw how much my family & friends enjoyed themselves. People still talk about it 6 years on, and the best thing is it cost us less than £6000 altogether - including the honeymoon!

OK I'll stop bragging now

There is a Travelodge just outside Skipton

Not particularly nice of course but really cheap!

Not so cheap on a summer weekend (is it summer?) so you'd def be better off with one of those lovely B&Bs!

Are you joking? £600 - 900 for someone else's wedding???????

I wouldn't go. Full stop - to any of it! None of my friends would expect any of their friends to soend that kind of money - they must be loaded and really stupid if they think it's normal to expect people to lay out a grand for someone else's wedding.

Bridesmaid or not - call her, tell her the sums and say you simply don't have it. No matter that it's your holiday fund - that's your family holiday fund and you don't have to feel guilty by refusing to divert it to her fecking (childfree!!) wedding. She can offer to pay for you - or she can accept that you won't be there.

We went to a wedding last weekend and it was absolutely beautiful. We had a great time However, the whole thing did not come cheaply...

Hen night number one, which was in another city with an overnight stay, cost £220, and I wasn't drinking alcohol so that could have been more.

Hen night number two was local so 'only' cost £65 (I was drinking alcohol this time though)

Wedding, including outfits, hotel for one night, present and the extortionate bar bill (because of hotel prices, not because we were drinking like fish!) came to £485

So all in it cost us £770 Consequently we now do not think we will be able to afford a summer holiday, and we had only planned to go camping in the UK.

It was a great wedding though and I hope the couple are having a fab time on their exotic honeymoon

Cupoftea - see, I wouldn't have gone to the overnight hen do at all (esp if she was having 2!!!)

My hen do was at a friend's house, bring a bottle, plus clubbing after for those who wanted to. Jeez.

I'd just tell her I can't afford all that.

Why do you need to apologise for not spending nearly $1000 on her wedding?

FFS, we're a family of 5 who can holiday an entire week on less than that.

I'd just tell her I can't afford all that.

Why do you need to apologise for not spending nearly $1000 on her wedding?

FFS, we're a family of 5 who can holiday an entire week on less than that.

Family holiday or someone's wedding?

No contest.

I don't care how friggin' fabulous their big day is, if it's going to come at the cost of making memories with the family and the kids getting a break, then the priority is with my family.

You need to suggest to your friend that she goes back to teh hotel and does some serious negotiating. They are taking her (and her guests) for mugs.

ouch @ cost of rooms - my friends wedding last month was the same, though several of us (me included) stayed in the local travel lodge (29.99) compared with £120 a night at hotel

almsot £100 cheaper a night, and all you do is sleep on a bed

i suggest you say to your friend, you just cant afford to stay at the hotel, and hopefully there will be a travel lodge/prem in etc near by, or even 20mins away will be cheaper in a taxi home

regards dress - i brought my bridesmaid dress for her, just as she brought for her one

normally bride pays

Our girls were flower girls, so they were fully involved in the whole day- had they been excluded then we may not have been as willing to fork out the cash. So the OP is in a different situation to us. I wouldn't stay over the night before- if that is at all possible?

Kat- I couldn't get out of it, the BM was very insistent! Trust me, I was going through a mc at the time and certainly did not want to be there. I just wanted to be curled up in bed at home. However, it was my BF's hen night so I went for her sake.

how much did your wedding cost her? It would probably be unreasonable for you not to spend as much as she did. But also unreasonable to spend very much more.

There are hundreds of b&bs in Skipton / Ilkley / Keighley. In terms of finding a cheap b&b, I'd look for something out towards Keighley. Skipton and Ilkley are more 'well off' than Keighley, so you will probably find something very cheap there.

You would be able to get the train (or bus) to all those places, and they are not too far away for a taxi ride at the end of the night.

Don't be too surprised if it's not even more than the £900 odd figure you've got now. Shoes? Bar bills, eating at service staions on the way up can be at least £10 each, etc etc etc. all adds up.

Are you going to have a word with her?
Thing is, even if she offers to pay the dress, and is happy for you to stay in B&B, it's still going to be several hundred pounds.

(I'd have to duck out if it were me).

Ermmm I'm from keighley and while it may be cheap I would not stay there if you can stay in skipton or ilkley - both are much nicer and you should be able to find a good b&b somewhere handy for the wedding.

I have been to weddings where I haven't stayed at the main hotel but have gone over the night before/morning of wedding to help get ready etc. It shouldn't be a problem.

I agree with whoever said she needs to speak to the hotel - if you are having a wedding then you should get a decent reduction on rooms at the hotel - can you tell us which hotel it is?

I'm getting married in October, and have managed to knock hotel rooms down from £180 to £89 a night, its still a lot, esp for SIL and their 4 teenagers who will need 3 rooms for 2 nights - ie over £500, but its their choice, we arranged wedding for 2pm so people could travel, and there are 2 travel lodge/holly inn type things within walking distance.

OMG at £675!

OMFG at £967 !!!

What to do? Do you think she realises just how much you are having to fork out for "her" day.

Whoops sorry have only read first page (have just changed me settings!) Thought the post about the prices was the last one . . .

OP

Is the venue SWINTON PARK?

If it is, can I suggest this guest house to you instead, which looks utterly delightful at a fraction of the cost and it's so much more homely! I used to work in hotels all over the Dales, so if you want anymore recommendations on guest houses, just let me know.

She is being a bridezilla without realising it!

Swinton Park is miles from Skipton isn't it?

I'm guessing the D A as the location.

So was I, WJ

(Fred Trueman's son - or daughter - married Raquel Welch's daughter - or son - there many years ago)

This is the venue - any suggestions Lola?