to think friend is making life unnecessarily hard on herself by never letting her dd, 2.5, watch TV, when she has a newborn as well?

[emkana]

Friend rang today, stressed, trying to get her 2.5 year old to have a midday rest looking at books by herself. I gently suggested TV but she didn't see that as an option, which made me feel a bit silly. I'm all for limiting TV but when I was in her situation the TV was a lifesaver! And it hasn't made my children into couch potatoes at all, now they are 7 and 5 (the older ones) they hardly watch TV at all, because they are able to do all sorts of other stuff.

I totally agree about being able to watch just for fun. We do, why shouldn't they? I prefer to leave anything educational to a) watch with DS, or preferably b) teach him myself by looking at books, doing stuff or going out.

Thr tv is marvellous for bringing dd (age 3) down if she's been crying. Switch it on, cuddle tight and a little chat about what we're watching is so calming and diverting.
Also there are some lovely programmes on CBeebies. We both adore Aunty Mabel and Pippin. She's really diverted by Poetry Pie. DD is able to concentrate well on things she enjoys, probably partly because she's spent so much time concentrating on the tv!

Think you meant talking in an American accent.

wonders whats wrong with American accent

I wouldn't have survived without a whole variety of specially chosen videos that I wound down to as much as the children. All the Postgate and Firman's (Bagpuss, Ivor, Noggin, Clangers, all lovely) and especially the Eric Carr video with lovely music. We did also have a whole bunch of Thomas videos which were OK, but mostly for ds's benefit. dd got some of the CBeebies stuff too, but I think on the whole the older stuff was much better. We do all still like Little Bear and Wonder Pets though

Nothing wrong with choosing to avoid TV, but it can be very beneficial in small doses all around, and it is asking quite a lot of a 2.5yr old to read stories.

TV, even Children's BBC which I generally approve of, heavily promotes and encourages consumerism and materialism, I don't feel comfortable with lots of that.

We all do something at the end of the day that makes our life harder (as parents) than it might be. Just something to shrug off; our good friends home-ed and travel 3-4 months/yr in a motorhome with their many young children; you couldn't pay me enough money to be willing to do all that!!

You can support and be friends with people who do different from you, just agree to differ about some things.

Phoenix, there is a massive snobbery about American accents. People assume that children pick up accents from the TV, which isn't the case, but can understand that if one is British perhaps speaking with another accent is a bit

I'm American and DD doesn't go to school yet, but definitely has an English accent.

I really admire her.

Dd had never watched television until ds was born, but I feel strongly that is was a bit of a failure on my part, and I still feel guilty every time I stick her in front of Charlie & Lola so I can go and rock ds to sleep in peace.

Her choice. We didn't have one until children were school age.

Other friends banned other things which I was laid back about.

non-issue really

I think you have to be careful with a total TV ban. My DH interviewed a bloke who had actaully written on his CV that his favourite hobby was watching TV . Anyway, the rest of the CV looked quite good so DH interviewed this guy anyway. He asked him about his hobbies and how it was unusual to see a CV which stated that most of the time he liked to watch TV - well bloke replied that he'd had a total TV ban for his whole live whilst living with his parents and he now thinks TV is amazing and the best way to spend his free time! So my personal opinion is that TV is fine in moderation, in fact I sometimes thing it is a good thing - if I have my 3yo doing lots of physical stuff in a morning, vegging infront of the TV for a little while is good for him after that.

emkana, I have no problems letting my kids watch TV esp when they are tired, BUT ds1 is one of those very active children always running about and he had no interest whatsoever in TV for his first two or three years (unlike ds2 who couldn't get enough of it from the word go!), so TV genuinely wasn't an option for him - so do bear this in mind, it might be her dd's choice, not hers!

It's a shame IMVHO to hear so many people saying they feel 'guilty' for letting their dc watch a bit of TV. Why?

If you sat them in front of it day in day out and did nothing else then you should feel guilty, but I can't imagine that's the case.

We're made to feel guilty as parents for so many things and I'm sure that's more damaging in a way than the effects of the TV watching, because we're tying ourselves in knots trying to be perfect parents.

Without it my dishwasher would never get stacked.
My beds would never get changed.
Windows would never be washed.
A big well done to everyone who manages these things without the aid of the wonderous TV. But I cant.

My DS loves Come outside, The lion man, Animal park, meercat manor, walking with dinosaurs...

Well said rachels103

I think kids can grow up totally addicted to TV whether allowed to watch or not. Have to admit, only child I know who comes close to being a TV addict is one who has no restrictions whatsoever.

It's like alcohol. Some who become alcoholics have been brought up by strict teetotallers, others by drinkers. Most people do actually manage to drink sensibly whatever their background.

And that's before we even get onto Mumsnet addiction...

I did this when DD was 3weeks old.

Why?

Because I thought that TV was causing DS' constant night waking and because I felt hugely guilty putting him in front of the television because he wasn't getting the attention I felt he deserved.

I don't think the issue is about television, if your friend is like me she is feeling so guilty for 'messing up' her DC's life. Remember hormones go wild after a baby is born. I'm sure those with two or more will remember looking at their older child and thinking 'what have I done to you'? I ran myself ragged making sure DS had all the attention etc. I felt he deserved.

Now DD is 8 months and the hormones are starting to subside we watch television all the time. Maybe your friend needs reassurance she's doing the right thing. If you say he's allowed to watch some television then it's not the brainwaves research that's bothering her but possibly, I guess, her feelings about herself as a mother?

Sorry, a bit rambly but that's my take FWIW

Not all the time

I have a 2.7 year old and a 9 week old, and don't resort to TV. either I read to DS while feeding DD, or he plays with lego or puzzles etc, or we play a game where he pretends to be on a flight and we're flying somewhere, or I tell him a story. I want to keep TV away for as long as poss. The most he's seen is clips of songs from Mary Poppins on youtube, or clips from Sesame street.. plenty of time for TV later.

It's easy to switch on the tv, like it's easier to do lots of things.

however as he gets to 3 or more I will def let him see a bit of tv, but what I'm trying to say is I refuse to use it as a babysitter..

and also, we've survived millions of years without TV, all those mothers managed somehow. why not tell them a story?

Looks like Gemzooks and I are in a minority - I have 4 dcs and had three of them under 4 and I just didn't find it necessary to plonk them in front of the tv to get things done. All 4 were bf for 6mths and we all sat together when I was feeding and read or played. I did follow GF and they had their naps etc to a routine (I wouldn't have been able to manage without one). The older DCs do now watch but not very often, they can go days without watching anything. I guess its horses for courses but I grew up when tv didn't start until about 4pm and I'm nostalgic for those times.

Direct your friend to this book- Everything Bad is Good for You

There's nothing wrong with quality TV. She could get some Muzzy videos, if she's worried about TV being brainless, that way her LO will be learning a language, not just glazing in front of the TV.

Personally, I just vet DD's TV to make sure she sees some good TV, great stories like My Neighbour Totoro, Spirited Away and the Iron Giant. We had a great "Where the Wild Things Are" DVD, and an awesome "Wheels on the Bus" DVD too.

DD literally learned her ABC's and shapes and colours from out Seasame Street DVD's. Not bragging, cos I had nothing to do with it, but at 15 months old she could point out a square, triangle, circle and ALL her letters. The only supporting activity I personally did was read her the Dr. Seuss ABC's book regularly. And I only did that because she'd shown a clear interest in letters after watching the DVD's.

If the question was is she BU to think that her friend is making it harder for herself, the friend obviously is. It's not about judging or trying to force her views on someone else.

YABU for it to matter that much to you.

Well, OP was not being unreasonable to think that IMO.

I think that in instances like this, people need to be educated on the cultural value of things like TV because they've lived in this world where the accepted wisdom is TV for kids = bad parenting. One should never accept absolutist ideas like that without at least investigating the alternative evidence and opinions first.

YANBU. I think though the arguement isn't tv-or-not-tv.

Of course, as a parent the other mother can make her own choices and lots of people have richer lives for not having a tv at all but I think what the OP was getting at is why some mothers make their lives so much bloody harder than it has to be? If you own a tv, what harm is 10 minutes of cbeebies going to do fgs? These kids suffer additional stress and anguish that could easily be soothed if it weren't for prententious, self-imposed 'rules' constructed entirely by their parents.