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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at SIL

77 replies

kys · 21/05/2009 15:53

My ds age almost 5 was invited to his cousins 9th bday party at the local bowling alley, they sent him a proper invite so i presumed he was "officially" invited. When we arrived we were told "we havent paid for a place for him so he will just have to watch and he hasnt got a meal"
I was gobsmacked and ds was really upset. I could of understood if he was a bit younger but at almost 5 he loves bowling and couldnt understand why he wasnt allowed.
Surely it would of been better if they just hadnt asked him at all, with the age difference between them i wasnt even expecting an invite to be honest. In the end we handed present over said happy birthday and i took him home, stopping for a great big ice cream on the way.
The in laws have been on the phone this morning having a go at me for spoiling the party.
What do you think? Was i wrong to leave?

OP posts:
beanieb · 21/05/2009 15:55

did it not say on the invite that you needed to pay something towards the meal, or that you needed to RSVP?

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 21/05/2009 15:55

How odd, why did they invite him? At the very least they should have let you know what was going on. It's horrible when they are disapointed. Could you not pay for him on the day?

Sunshinemummy · 21/05/2009 15:56

YANBU and your in-laws ABVU. I would be furious if anyone did this to my DCs. Your poor DS - no wonder he was upset.

Uriel · 21/05/2009 15:56

What a weird thing to do. How on earth do they think you spoilt the party?

rubyslippers · 21/05/2009 15:57

how did you spoil the party?

If you RSVP'd to an invite then why didn't they book a meal etc?

how weird

Frasersmum123 · 21/05/2009 15:59

YANBU and I hope your DS wasnt too upset

fleacircus · 21/05/2009 15:59

How extraordinary - how could him leaving spoil the party when apparently no effort had been made to welcome or include him?

(I'm assuming you did RSVP...)

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 16:02

I did RSVP, The invite said he was invited for 2 games of bowling and a meal.

Sil said she didnt think he would want to bowl with a bunch of 9yr olds!!
So why invite him then?

I tried to pay for him to have a game but was told by staff the lane was already full with the party children and no other lane was available for 50mins

OP posts:
nametaken · 21/05/2009 16:03

What gracious hosts they are

poshwellies · 21/05/2009 16:04

What a bloody loon your SIL is

2rebecca · 21/05/2009 16:04

If you told your SIL he was coming then they were just rude. You either invite someone to a party or you don't. Inviting someone but not letting them participate is very mean, fair enough if it's a helping adult, although even then if I was helping at a party but not being fed I'd expect to be told. To do that to a child isn't on.
If you didn't reply to the invite then I can understand them not booking a place and food for him.

McDreamy · 21/05/2009 16:06

your poor ds . How odd! I would have left too, otherwise he just has to sit there bored and go home hungry - great!

Could you return the 'favour'? Or is that being petty?

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 16:06

They say the cousin was upset that ds didnt stay. I'm sure he would of loved to stay and watch them have great fun and stuff their faces for two hrs

OP posts:
fleacircus · 21/05/2009 16:08

This kind of thread is so depressing. Obviously there are much worse things going on in the world, but I am constantly amazed at the casual everyday rudeness and thoughtlessness some people seem to think is normal. And complete inability to empathise! I hope your DS enjoyed his ice-cream and forgets all about it soon. Your in-laws are clearly a lost cause and presumably brought your SIL up without any manners.

fleacircus · 21/05/2009 16:09

Sorry, have just re-read my post, I'm not normally that pompous!

nametaken · 21/05/2009 16:10

On NO account should you return the 'favour' - the best thing for you to do now is to leave it. If your MIL brings the subject up again, tell her what you told us. You were invited for bowling and a meal and when you got there you were told there was no bowling and no meal so you left. What were you supposed to do?

On your ds birthday, book him a bowling party, invite his cousin and be the absolute best and most generous hostess there is and show her how it should be done

MIAonline · 21/05/2009 16:12

fleacircus, not pompous, just accurate

You just wouldn't think somebody could do this, being a mum herself. What did she think your Ds was going to do and why bother inviting at all?

Ah well, put this in the box marked extreme rudeness and pull it out when you need to return the favour!

MIAonline · 21/05/2009 16:14

Though wouldn't myself, but love to tell people to do something I wouldn't dare do!

karala · 21/05/2009 16:15

fleacircus - I don't think you sound pompous at all and I agree with you absolutely. (maybe that makes me pompous too

kys - so sorry to hear about this disappointment for your son and it's awful to hear about your in-laws' behaviour.

fleacircus · 21/05/2009 16:15

What nametaken said - obviously your in-laws desperately need some lessons in hospitality!

(and thanks MIA!)

JetLi · 21/05/2009 16:16

Your SIL is a stupid bint. YANBU.
Poor little lad - he can come bowling with us anytime - we take a 3 year old and he's ace at it!!

RedCharityBonney · 21/05/2009 16:18

What an utter twunt she is. YANBU.

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 16:19

The thing i find totally strange was two wks ago we all went out for a meal for fil's bday and they had a go at me and dh for being hard on our ds because we wouldnt let him run around the restaurant with his cousin.
They actually said we were mean to him.
But inviting him to a party and not letting him join is obviously being nice!!

OP posts:
clam · 21/05/2009 16:19

Well, I'd have been livid enough at the SIL's rude and thoughtless behaviour, but I would have gone ballistic to have received a phone call from the ILs complaining about you having left!!!! I hope you put them right. Or if not, that your DH will.

fleacircus · 21/05/2009 16:22

That's interesting though - I'm assuming you were concerned about it bothering other diners to have the children running about? So in fact this is just another example of your SIL's lack of consideration for other people.