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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at SIL

77 replies

kys · 21/05/2009 15:53

My ds age almost 5 was invited to his cousins 9th bday party at the local bowling alley, they sent him a proper invite so i presumed he was "officially" invited. When we arrived we were told "we havent paid for a place for him so he will just have to watch and he hasnt got a meal"
I was gobsmacked and ds was really upset. I could of understood if he was a bit younger but at almost 5 he loves bowling and couldnt understand why he wasnt allowed.
Surely it would of been better if they just hadnt asked him at all, with the age difference between them i wasnt even expecting an invite to be honest. In the end we handed present over said happy birthday and i took him home, stopping for a great big ice cream on the way.
The in laws have been on the phone this morning having a go at me for spoiling the party.
What do you think? Was i wrong to leave?

OP posts:
MrsMcCluskey · 21/05/2009 16:23

That is so rude an ddownright unkind.
Your poor DS.
You have married inot a very odd family by the sounds of it.

pinkstarfish · 21/05/2009 16:23

YABNU at all, your poor little DS I hope he enjoyed his ice cream

As for your inlaws, if that was me, I'd have asked them exactly what did they expect you to do during the party? Sit there and wallow among the other children having a fantastic time while you and your DS just sit there?! They sounds equally retarded as your SIL

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 16:31

I have to admit i could fill 1000 pages on all the things they've done in the 20yrs we've been together, but this hurt because it was aimed at my son for the first time not me
Glad you all agree that it was sil that was wrong, not me for leaving. Thank you

OP posts:
Sunshinemummy · 21/05/2009 16:35

Agreed.

SamsMama · 21/05/2009 16:41

Of course it was ok to leave! What should you have done, sit there with your poor DS and have him watch? Why did your stupid SIL even invite him? This is irritating me. Poor little guy!

lizziemun · 21/05/2009 16:41

YANBU.

But i wouldlike to know how you ruin a party your not invited to.

I would be unavailable for all further parties.

glitterchick · 21/05/2009 16:49

I am speechless at what a cow your SIL was. YANBU in any way. I feel really sorry for your DC. How bloody utterly disappointing for a 5 year old. You were right to leave.

NormaSknockers · 21/05/2009 16:52

YANBU!

How rude & mean - hope DS wasn't to upset & his ice-cream softened the blow a little.

What was the point in them inviting him but not letting him bowl

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 17:16

Would you believe it mil has just rang dh at work and said that she is unwilling to check on our house while we are on holiday because i didnt make an effort by staying at the party. She says it will be "taking sides"

I feel like i'm back at school, I'm nearly 40 ffs.

OP posts:
Morloth · 21/05/2009 17:22

Bizarro behaviour.

Sounds like you are going to have to run a lot of interference between these people and your DS if you continue to see them. I wouldn't bother with them much more.

beanieb · 21/05/2009 17:24

you need to tell him to tell her, 'ok, thanks very much - we'll find someone else to do it'

what a cheek!

does she have a key? Get it back!!

clam · 21/05/2009 17:30

Er.... is she not already "taking sides" by saying what she has? And what did your DH reply?

karala · 21/05/2009 17:30

toxic - they're all toxic. Run away.

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 17:34

Before i had my ds we had cut ties with them, but when he came along i thought id try again, although my dh was against the idea. I wanted my ds to have his grandparents in his life.

OP posts:
Morloth · 21/05/2009 17:37

If they are like this all the time they are going to do him more harm than good.

Inviting a kid to a party and then not letting him take part is just MEAN. It isn't forgetful or even thoughtless, it is mean.

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 17:37

DH's reply is not printable.
When it comes to his family his fuse is v v short

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 21/05/2009 17:37

Agree with BeanieB if there are any keys floating about ask for them back. You can pay someone to check on your house if needs be.

It is just plain rude to invite your DS but then expect him to sit on the sidelines and watch.

They all sound as mad as a box of frogs and I would give them a wide berth and leave them to your DH to deal with.

Salleroo · 21/05/2009 17:37

I think it's time to go back to your original plan and cut ties again. They sound like a bunch of fuit loops and certainly not worth having in your lives.

bigchris · 21/05/2009 17:39

has dh told his sister and his parents what for yet?

rookiemater · 21/05/2009 17:45

YANBU what ungracious idiots, I wouldn't want them in my house, they sound exactly the type to go rooting round your personal things and tell everybody how much you earn and what bra size you are. LOONS is about right.

Original poster
kys · 21/05/2009 17:53

Rookiemaster its funny you should say that, we went away in jan and when we got back fil said to me, "i see you still have that old tv i gave you" Well it was upstairs in the spare room in a cupboard behind 4 plastic crates and two old suitcases!!
I didnt dare tell dh cos at the time i was still trying to keep the peace, perhaps i will now.

OP posts:
bigchris · 21/05/2009 17:54

what a loon!

CDMforever · 21/05/2009 18:13

Unfortunately I too have a loony SIL and have spent countless hours, days, weeks upsetting myself over her irrational and sometimes very nasty behaviour. It came to the point just before xmas last year when I just thought I cannot be arsed anymore making small talk and pretending everything is ok when I couldn't actually stand her and the way she treated me and talked about other people behind their backs. So I just vowed to attend family birthdays only, no other socialising and only talk to her if necessary. I think she got the message because I very recently got a long overdue apology for her bad behaviour and things are much better. An apology goes a VERY long way in my book.
I hope you get yours. If not just write her off. Life is very very short.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 21/05/2009 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

oldspotraver · 21/05/2009 19:07

Why on earth should you be expected to stay at a party where you are not allowed to join in but watch others having fun from the sidelines. How very cruel of your mad SIL and your IL's for condoning this behaviour

And the grabbing bitch took the pressie ??