To be upset hurt and annoyed with my so called best friend **Warning*** its long

[pingping]

Basically My BF is getting married in the next few weeks she asked me to be her maid of honour months back when she found out about the surprise wedding ( I was in on the surprise)
Anyways at the time she was not speaking to a family member and barely in contact with friend (A) So as people found out about the wedding they have all got back into contact and she then said to Family member and Friend (a) she wants them as Bridesmaids fair enough.
So we started filming for the wedding and the lead upto it everything was great then out of the blue a week before the wedding so called Best friend texts me and says Your no longer a bridesmaid as I have to many and we have to keep in with a £12k budget so I dropped you and Friend (c) hope theres no hard feelings etc. Of course I was hurt that out of all her Bridesmaids she picked me. Not spoken to Friend (C) but I can imagine she is pissed as well.

There is alot more background to it but the people she has choose over me always let her down or only want to see her when they want someone to go out with. The Family Member barely speaks to her at all and has only seen BF 6mth old about 5 times since she has been born and there has been very long arguments between the two of them.

I am at a point where I don't know what to do if I should still attend the wedding etc Maybe I am being unreasonable I just don't know... People that know us feel she is being out of order and keep telling me this which is annoying me even more.

[mazzystartled]

If I were you right now I would ensure that you haven't signed away your life in terms of the tv footage. I would refuse to be filmed any further and if possible withdraw my permission to have footage of yourself being televised.

And, rigt now, I would forgive your friend anything. Weddings are very stressful; add a wildcard family member and a tv crew and the horrible dawning understanding that one of the most significant days of your life is going to be edited (and not necessarily kindly) into primetime telly and she may be clos to losing it.

Go to the wedding, look fabulous and have a great time.

[slushy06]

You could always say another friend has asked you to go to a party on the same day and as you don't have a role you wont be missed at least she will then know how it feels to have another friend chosen over her. Although if I was going to drop a bridesmaid due to difficulties being made I would definately explain my reasons.

[orangehead]

Yanbu. I think it would look better if you go and look fab like everyone has said. But I think I would try and find out if a big deal will be made about it on Tv, if so just walk away. I think I would have to distance myself from her. Not in a funny way, but best friends dont do that esp not by text, bang out of order

[Makeda]

You poor thing, how hurtful. However, I googled the name of the programme, and according to this blogger (don't know how valid a source, but anyway) '...if this person is to be believed, producers of the programme not only edit what goes on to tell a fun story, they actually deliberately cause problems if things seem to be going too smoothly!' So don't take the situation too seriously, you don't know what might actually be going on.

I would take everyone's advice and talk to her, go to the wedding and have a great time .

[Fimbo]

When is the wedding?

[DesperateHousewifeToo]

My first reaction is to tell you to go out and buy a bridesmaid dress and turn up at the wedding in it

But really, I would rise above it. Life is too short. Whilst she went about it appallingly (i.e. texting you), you have to work with her, so try to move on from it.

Go to the wedding, hold your head high and be relieved you are out of the media circus.

Perhaps text her (as she is not returing your calls) to say you are disappointed and surprised that she did not feel she could discuss this with you but wish her a lovely day.

[pingping]

The wedding is next weekend.

I get that she is over stressed and the production crew may be trying to cause problems I just think the lack of communication is uncalled for espeically when we have a business to run.

Orangehead I have requested that any previous footage of me be cut and the production team said NO because I had signed an agreement.

[mrsshackleton]

Yes, the TV producers are looking for a fight. Definitely.

So don't let them have their way. Either don't go but don't have a row about not going just don't show or - better - go and have a great time.

Then start looking for a new bf

[frisbyrat]

My goodness, she sounds as though she's either lost her mind in the run-up top her marriage, or is, in fact, somewhat of a bitch.
Send her this

[wannaBe]

firstly I would be seeking legal advice as to withdrawing your consent to be shown on this programme.

Secondly I would run a mile, and would probably want to disassociate myself from anyone who would willingly go on one of these tacky shows in the first place.

[pingping]

Loool Frisbyrat I will post that on my FB

She wasn't really that willing to go on the show but came round to the idea.

Wannabe I will do that as I don't feel that its a good look for me to be on there as maid of honour then off of it completly

[wannaBe]

I would seriously speak to the producers, and tell them that if anything is broadcast wrt you not being in the wedding party, you will be seeking legal advice with regard to suing for defamation/lible/whatever. Seriously.

These shows broadcast what the hell they want and generally no-one has the nerve to stand up to them. I would.

And I wouldn't go to the wedding. Or speak to the friend. Ever again.

[wannaBe]

or i would hire someone to go to the wedding and stand up at the "if anyone has any objections" bit and shout "yes! He's married to me!" and hope they show it on national television.

[Lizzylou]

that they won't cut footage of you, does the bride know this?
Hmmm, she is just looking more and more insensitive and rude now, that is really off.
Get thee to a Solicitor as Wannabe says.

[pingping]

yes the bride knows that they won't cut me out as I have spoke to her Mum.
Wannabe I have booked an appointment with citzins advice for tomorrow

Lol at the objections

[traceybath]

I think to avoid being made to look an idiot on tv i would simply text her saying 'Afraid due to a prior commitment i will be unable to make your wedding. Hope all goes well and you get the day you so deserve'.

I'd be worried they'd be showing everything on air so would keep things very neutral. And would avoid wedding as would bet money the company will try and engineer a confrontation on the day.

Glad to hear you're seeing CAB too - wouldn't trust the tv company at all.

Bit worried though for you and your business - how on earth do you work together if she's uncontactable?

[clam]

Look, come on. How on earth can your 'friendship' continue after this? And what possible reason can you have for wanting to go to the wedding now anyway? It would be too humiliating, apart from anything else. I wouldn't view it as 'showing them' you don't care by turning up looking fabulous. View it as you having too much self-worth to have anything to do with someone who can treat you so shoddily. And she's rubbing salt into the wound by not returning your calls. Bang out of order.

Deal with her in future in the most limited, professional capacity you can, for as long as it takes you to terminate your business with her.

[mazzystartled]

I would seek proper legal advice regarding the permission that you have given - have to say I think it was very naive of you to go along with it in the first place.

And I feel sorry for your friend. The stress must be unbearable, especially as you say she didn't want to be on the tv in the first place. (Who in their right mind would?)And now it is looking like she will lose her bf because of the cynical bastards. She probably texted you because they have cameras on her most of the time, and its likely that it is them pressuring her to cut the budget.

If they won't cut the footage of you, the only thing that you can do is try to keep your dignity in tact. You can only do that by showing up at the wedding, refusing to be interviewed any further and remaining entirely serene.

[wannaBe]

I think that if op shows up at the wedding though there is no way she'll be able to get out of being interviewed. There will be cameras everywhere and there will be no escape.

IMO the only way to avoid any more coverage will be to not go to the wedding.

[vonsudenfed]

Blimey. What a hornet's nest of stuff. It sounds like you have a whole soap-opera's worth of problems here - not just the wedding and what to do about that, but also the tv footage and the fact that the two of you have a company together (how on this earth does she expect to do this and still work with you I do not know).

I suspect that a lot of this is down to the tv company, who at very least will have been pressuring her to 'cast' family members etc as bridesmaids because of the story - and because they're paying the budget, she has to do what they say. I also suspect that she's pretty embarrassed, and that's why she's not answering the phone. Whether or not you can sort this out in the long-term, I don't know.

But I don't think you can get out of the tv contract (and I say this as someone who's worked in tv for 15+ years). Those documents are designed to be pretty legally watertight, otherwise it would be almost impossible to make any programmes at all.

I think, if I were you, I wouldn't go to the wedding. Even if you refuse to be interviewed, they will still chase you and stick a camera in your face and want a reaction, and will broadcast you saying 'I don't want to talk about it.' And because they have that release form there is nothing you can do about it.

If you do want to go to the wedding, you could call the production office and ask if they would agree not to film you at the wedding (and if they say yes GET IT IN WRITING). But I doubt they will give you such an assurance. You could also ask them for a prior watch of the film to make sure that they don't say anything unfair or defamatory about you in the film - which is where a lawyer or CAB might come in useful.

What a crock of shit. This is why I don't make programmes any more.

[mazzystartled]

could be right wannabe. but her abscence is also open to interpretation.

having reread his, it think op needs to be as generous as she can with her friend. she is perhaps culpable herself in part for the horrible situation - she was in on the "surprise" from the start, and bride has been pressured into taking part. they will get through this better on the same side than opposite ones.

[Makeda]

Is there any way you can possibly talk to your friend personally without there being cameras there (I know that might be impossible)?

[squeaver]

Good advice from vonsudenfed

[pingping]

Well I have just had a phone call from one of the bridesmaids explaining that the groom has just rang and has said they will have to pay for there dresses because of the budget so maybe there is more to it then BF is letting on or maybe she doesn't know this anyways that Bridesmaid has decieded she is now dropping out

As for our are friendship its hard to cut her loose her Daughters are my god children and we have a long history and been through a lot together but on the other hand its clear that only I take this into account so I have to figure that out after the wedding.

I have just had an email regarding the business from BF who is basically trying to avoid all contact or anytime alone with me she has said she will be at the event but can't meet before that but thats fine I will either tell her after this event that I no longer wish to work with her and ask her to leave if she isn't willing to leave I will hand it over to her the only parts she has played is on the money side so I know I could do it without her but I also know she couldn't do it without me.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Don't go to this "wedding" unless you are prepared to risk extremely public humiliation. Your only possible role in this farce will be that of victim, with a manufactured confrontation for added entertainment value.

A dignified withdrawal and complete refusal to discuss the subject is the only way to go. You owe your former friend nothing, because NO-ONE worth bothering with could be stupid enough to sign up for one of these programmes without being prepared to be screwed over.

This couple obviously value money more than their friends. Dump and run.