Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2 3

AIBU?

To be upset hurt and annoyed with my so called best friend Warning* its long

64 replies

pingping · 21/05/2009 12:29

Basically My BF is getting married in the next few weeks she asked me to be her maid of honour months back when she found out about the surprise wedding ( I was in on the surprise)
Anyways at the time she was not speaking to a family member and barely in contact with friend (A) So as people found out about the wedding they have all got back into contact and she then said to Family member and Friend (a) she wants them as Bridesmaids fair enough.
So we started filming for the wedding and the lead upto it everything was great then out of the blue a week before the wedding so called Best friend texts me and says Your no longer a bridesmaid as I have to many and we have to keep in with a £12k budget so I dropped you and Friend (c) hope theres no hard feelings etc. Of course I was hurt that out of all her Bridesmaids she picked me. Not spoken to Friend (C) but I can imagine she is pissed as well.

There is alot more background to it but the people she has choose over me always let her down or only want to see her when they want someone to go out with. The Family Member barely speaks to her at all and has only seen BF 6mth old about 5 times since she has been born and there has been very long arguments between the two of them.

I am at a point where I don't know what to do if I should still attend the wedding etc Maybe I am being unreasonable I just don't know... People that know us feel she is being out of order and keep telling me this which is annoying me even more.

OP posts:

Report

StarPlayer · 03/06/2009 15:01

Yes, but did she go? & if she did, what was it like? Did the Bride speak to you? Did the cameras follow your every move?

oldraver · 01/06/2009 14:02

OP said it was this weekend just gone... pity we could of all gatecrashed

StarPlayer · 01/06/2009 12:50

Has the 'wedding' happened yet?

mazzystartled · 21/05/2009 17:45

she's not allowed contact with her dp? and the have little children?

that tv programme is evil. and she was really, really stupid to agree. but can you imagine how hard it would be to not go along with it? he dp must be an idiot.

Stigaloid · 21/05/2009 17:33

She is not a friend. YANBU but i wouldn't waste time or breath on her. Friends don't treat people like that and certainly don't send texts - what a coward.

FabulousBakerGirl · 21/05/2009 17:21

Not imo. She didn' thave to go along with it!

devotion · 21/05/2009 17:18

letsgostrawberrypicking - wise words!

if you dont go everyone will think you are in the wrong so go and look great and dont mention a thing.

make a note "crap friend!"

Sounds like the prog may have got involved to spice things up too.

devotion · 21/05/2009 17:17

letsgostrawberrypicking - wise words!

if you dont go everyone will think you are in the wrong so go and look great and dont mention a thing.

make a note "crap friend!"

Sounds like the prog may have got involved to spice things up too.

ruddynorah · 21/05/2009 17:02

is it 'don't tell the bride'?

pingping · 21/05/2009 17:00

Its a long story but the groom told me he had applied for it before she knew and she found in out in March

So yes she was happy to be on the Tv else she wouldn't of agreed to it.

I do believe that she is very stressed and worked out as she hasn't had her DP around for 3 weeks now ( not allowed contact) she does have a 6mth old and a 9year old so she must be shattered

I dont know anyways I am going to email her again and just check she is ok in herself

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 21/05/2009 16:55

FBG

Weddings should be fun. But this poor woman has had a "suprise" televised wedding foisted on her, and all the pressure that entails, plus has family issues going on. I don't dipute that she has behaved badly, and the op has every right to feel hurt. But these are, surely, mitigating circumstances.

Indiechick · 21/05/2009 16:46

I'm sorry, do I understand this right, you were in on a secret that was basically her wedding was arranged but she didn't know about it? Was she happy about this surprise wedding?

FabulousBakerGirl · 21/05/2009 16:41

I don't buy this weddings are stressful things. They really don't have to be - they should be fun - and they certainly don't need to be a reason to behave appallingly.

If you are in business with this woman how are you going to move forward?

pingping · 21/05/2009 15:08

Thanks for all your advice very much appreciated I had got to the point where I thought I was being out of order and unreasonable for not being so bothered by it all.

OP posts:

MrsFlittersnoop · 21/05/2009 15:04

Don't go to this "wedding" unless you are prepared to risk extremely public humiliation. Your only possible role in this farce will be that of victim, with a manufactured confrontation for added entertainment value.

A dignified withdrawal and complete refusal to discuss the subject is the only way to go. You owe your former friend nothing, because NO-ONE worth bothering with could be stupid enough to sign up for one of these programmes without being prepared to be screwed over.

This couple obviously value money more than their friends. Dump and run.

pingping · 21/05/2009 15:04

Well I have just had a phone call from one of the bridesmaids explaining that the groom has just rang and has said they will have to pay for there dresses because of the budget so maybe there is more to it then BF is letting on or maybe she doesn't know this anyways that Bridesmaid has decieded she is now dropping out

As for our are friendship its hard to cut her loose her Daughters are my god children and we have a long history and been through a lot together but on the other hand its clear that only I take this into account so I have to figure that out after the wedding.

I have just had an email regarding the business from BF who is basically trying to avoid all contact or anytime alone with me she has said she will be at the event but can't meet before that but thats fine I will either tell her after this event that I no longer wish to work with her and ask her to leave if she isn't willing to leave I will hand it over to her the only parts she has played is on the money side so I know I could do it without her but I also know she couldn't do it without me.

OP posts:

squeaver · 21/05/2009 14:36

Good advice from vonsudenfed

Makeda · 21/05/2009 14:35

Is there any way you can possibly talk to your friend personally without there being cameras there (I know that might be impossible)?

mazzystartled · 21/05/2009 14:30

could be right wannabe. but her abscence is also open to interpretation.

having reread his, it think op needs to be as generous as she can with her friend. she is perhaps culpable herself in part for the horrible situation - she was in on the "surprise" from the start, and bride has been pressured into taking part. they will get through this better on the same side than opposite ones.

vonsudenfed · 21/05/2009 14:26

Blimey. What a hornet's nest of stuff. It sounds like you have a whole soap-opera's worth of problems here - not just the wedding and what to do about that, but also the tv footage and the fact that the two of you have a company together (how on this earth does she expect to do this and still work with you I do not know).

I suspect that a lot of this is down to the tv company, who at very least will have been pressuring her to 'cast' family members etc as bridesmaids because of the story - and because they're paying the budget, she has to do what they say. I also suspect that she's pretty embarrassed, and that's why she's not answering the phone. Whether or not you can sort this out in the long-term, I don't know.

But I don't think you can get out of the tv contract (and I say this as someone who's worked in tv for 15+ years). Those documents are designed to be pretty legally watertight, otherwise it would be almost impossible to make any programmes at all.

I think, if I were you, I wouldn't go to the wedding. Even if you refuse to be interviewed, they will still chase you and stick a camera in your face and want a reaction, and will broadcast you saying 'I don't want to talk about it.' And because they have that release form there is nothing you can do about it.

If you do want to go to the wedding, you could call the production office and ask if they would agree not to film you at the wedding (and if they say yes GET IT IN WRITING). But I doubt they will give you such an assurance. You could also ask them for a prior watch of the film to make sure that they don't say anything unfair or defamatory about you in the film - which is where a lawyer or CAB might come in useful.

What a crock of shit. This is why I don't make programmes any more.

wannaBe · 21/05/2009 14:00

I think that if op shows up at the wedding though there is no way she'll be able to get out of being interviewed. There will be cameras everywhere and there will be no escape.

IMO the only way to avoid any more coverage will be to not go to the wedding.

mazzystartled · 21/05/2009 13:57

I would seek proper legal advice regarding the permission that you have given - have to say I think it was very naive of you to go along with it in the first place.

And I feel sorry for your friend. The stress must be unbearable, especially as you say she didn't want to be on the tv in the first place. (Who in their right mind would?)And now it is looking like she will lose her bf because of the cynical bastards. She probably texted you because they have cameras on her most of the time, and its likely that it is them pressuring her to cut the budget.

If they won't cut the footage of you, the only thing that you can do is try to keep your dignity in tact. You can only do that by showing up at the wedding, refusing to be interviewed any further and remaining entirely serene.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

clam · 21/05/2009 13:55

Look, come on. How on earth can your 'friendship' continue after this? And what possible reason can you have for wanting to go to the wedding now anyway? It would be too humiliating, apart from anything else. I wouldn't view it as 'showing them' you don't care by turning up looking fabulous. View it as you having too much self-worth to have anything to do with someone who can treat you so shoddily. And she's rubbing salt into the wound by not returning your calls. Bang out of order.

Deal with her in future in the most limited, professional capacity you can, for as long as it takes you to terminate your business with her.

traceybath · 21/05/2009 13:54

I think to avoid being made to look an idiot on tv i would simply text her saying 'Afraid due to a prior commitment i will be unable to make your wedding. Hope all goes well and you get the day you so deserve'.

I'd be worried they'd be showing everything on air so would keep things very neutral. And would avoid wedding as would bet money the company will try and engineer a confrontation on the day.

Glad to hear you're seeing CAB too - wouldn't trust the tv company at all.

Bit worried though for you and your business - how on earth do you work together if she's uncontactable?

pingping · 21/05/2009 13:51

yes the bride knows that they won't cut me out as I have spoke to her Mum.
Wannabe I have booked an appointment with citzins advice for tomorrow

Lol at the objections

OP posts:

Unflip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.