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Original poster

To find this attitude incomprehensible?

128 replies

whoisasking · 21/05/2009 09:38

Article Here

(Apologies for linking to the Daily Hate)

I simply cannot imagine writing an article which contained the phrase: "I know that, if I were to lose one of my children, even if I were to lose all of them, I would still have my husband.
But my imagination simply fails me when I try to picture a future without my husband."

So, can any of you say that you love your husbands more than your children?

OP posts:
Morloth · 21/05/2009 14:54

It isn't that simple though whoisasking, adults have options available to them in such situations, children don't. If DH & DS were in a burning building I would expect him to be doing everything possible to rescue DS himself, if he was unconscious then because he weighs a LOT more than DS I would get DS out then go back for DH (not because I love DS more but because that is likely to have a better, faster outcome allowing me to save them BOTH). It is a very silly question and the answer proves nothing because there are far too many variables at play.

StealthPolarBear · 21/05/2009 14:55

It's fairly clear that your DD doesn't know this, and it's not something that would affect everyday life unless it comes up, as it has for all of us as a theoretical exercise!
Thanks for explaining, I can't say I understand as such, but can see where you are coming from.

StealthPolarBear · 21/05/2009 14:58

Morloth, that's interesting. Is a lot of this about vulnerability and the urge we get to protect our DCs? I see DS as vulnerable, and DH not. Obviously as he grows up DS will become a lot less vulnerable I hope, but I will always remember him as the newborn who depended on me for everything.

Morloth · 21/05/2009 18:58

I think so Stealth, the love that you feel as a mother for your kids is a different "package" than that you feel for others. I couldn't say who I loved more between the two of them because the way I feel about them both is completely different.

The urge to protect DS came before I really felt love for him.

grumblinalong · 21/05/2009 19:06

She's dumb as mud to publish that article though isn't she? Her dc's are going to be around longer than her dh (hopefully) and if he's the first to go she'll be straight in a care home. Some people just don't think.

Aussieng · 21/05/2009 19:12

Gross- the whole picture of them looks slightly cultish and her personality (as understood from this article) seems to fit with that too - ie weak personality in thrall of some highly sexed control freak/Svengali character.

Frankly the more she witters on about how much she loves DH and seems to feel the need to let him know this in a very public manner, the more she comes across as insecure and needy in the relationship. Blech!!

fircone · 21/05/2009 19:14

Ha ha, grumblinalong. Or if he skips off with someone else, which doesn't seem unlikely. "Er, shame, Mum. Guess you backed the wrong horse, eh?"

katiestar · 21/05/2009 19:24

A few points
I have read in an anthropoloical type book (think it might be Robert Winston's)that it a father was faced with a situation where he could only rescue wife or child from certain death ,he would be more likely to go for 'his baby making machine'.His 'energy expenditure on making another child is minimal.
whearas a mother was more likely to save her children because having another child is a lot more 'expensive' for her wheras finding someone else to inseminate her would be easy (in anthropological terms).
Personally i don't think you can compare love for partner with love for child. It's chalk and cheese. If you do feel you love your DP more then 1 It isn't your fault -you can't help your feelings but 2 you don't have to go round talking about it and certainly not writing articles about it !

MilaMae · 21/05/2009 19:28

Didn't Ronald Reagan's daughter know this about her parents, it was written about a lot and she had serious problems?

I just couldn't love dp(or respect him) as much as I do if he felt more for me than our dc. Strange,don't know why.

And I'd kill him if he saved me instead of the dc,his life wouldn't be worth living

Mulanmum1 · 21/05/2009 19:38

Laurie Fairy Cakes wrote: "Also dd is not our natural daughter though I have to say I could not imagine caring for a child more if she were biologically mine. There may be something (necessarily) primitively biological in a mother's (father's) physical love that explains why everyone on this thread so strongly loves their children more",

I don't think biology has anything to do with it. Our DD was adopted and I love her more than anything. So does DH. We would not want to live without her.

chegirl · 21/05/2009 22:08

I love my husband very much (although I am a bit pissed off with him right now). But I would tie him to a tree and shoot him in the head if I could have my DD back.

I hope he would feel the same way about me.

The woman is an arse.

Agree with Mulanmum I have a adopted child and I love him the same as my biological children - no question.

violethill · 21/05/2009 22:10

I don't think it's sick or shocking or dreadful - just weird that it's something she wants to broadcast to everyone.

thumbwitch · 21/05/2009 23:03

katiestar, that's interesting - when I read that shitty article and That Woman said near the end that her DH felt the same way about her, I thought "well that's less unusual - some men don't have the same emotional involvement with their dc, which is why some of them are immature enough to compete with the dc for the woman's attention and strop off or even leave if they feel the child is getting too much of the woman's time" - so it's good to get some anthropological back up.

For the burning building thing - I would ALWAYS save DS first (and if DH was doing the saving I would make him save DS first) at least partly because he is lighter and more portable, so I could get him out quicker and go back for the heavier, slower choice (DH)

tattifer · 21/05/2009 23:13

I would be devastated if anything happened to either my DH or my DCs. However, there's always the chance to fall in love again. A child once lost is lost.

charliegal · 22/05/2009 12:52

Chegirl- I love your 'tie him to a tree and shoot him in the head' scenario!

Stigaloid · 22/05/2009 13:04

Hmmm - my parents always said they loved each other more than us. We were expected to grow up and grow away whereas they had found each other, chosen each other and made a life with each other. That is not to say that losing a child would have been less difficult than losing a partner. We expect to lose our partners at some stage - we are of the same age and life is life, but to lose a child is unnatural - Both my parents may have loved each other more than us, but they would have been far more devastated losing a child over a partner.

As a mother myself i feel different to my parents. i love my child so completely but in a very different way to loving my husband. I don't love one more than the other but i find their love helps complete me and makes me whole in ways i never knew were possible.

StealthPolarBear · 22/05/2009 13:05

chegirl

charliegal · 22/05/2009 13:29

Oops, sorry if I said the wrong thing. I thought it was a joke.

StealthPolarBear · 22/05/2009 13:49

Well sometimes I'd happily tie my DH to a tree and pelt him with custard pies now for example

NigellaTufnel · 22/05/2009 15:07

I will bet you ALL a jam doughnut that if the husband is not currently boffing a 20 something, he has in the past, or will in the future.

junglist1 · 22/05/2009 15:10

I don't like jam doughnuts. Custard filled?

OrmIrian · 22/05/2009 15:12

How sad.

If anyone loves you uncondtionally it is your parents. Or should be. IMO it's unhealthy to love any other adult unconditionally.

NigellaTufnel · 22/05/2009 15:14

You can indeed have a custard filled one.

However, I think my doughnut money is safe. He is obviously an office junior shagger.

junglist1 · 22/05/2009 15:18

I don't think anyone would shag him apart from wife (look at second picture). So you're on!

TheMysticMasseuse · 22/05/2009 15:19

she's done exactly the same article for the guardian a couple of years ago. she's clearly desperate for a quid or two.

probably julie Myerson's best buddy