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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my DS asleep in the car whilst on our drive?

76 replies

cheekster · 19/05/2009 20:05

To cut a long story short, my neighbour thinks IABU?????

Even though the car is on our drive and I was sat in the kitchen so could seen when he woke up.

He has just gone into the next stage car seat (hes 10 mo) and previously I could just carry the carseat indoors. But now I leave him to sleep in the car as I know he'd wake if I had to take him out of the seat to bring him indoors.

So AIBU? Surely other people do this too.

OP posts:
katiestar · 19/05/2009 20:08

Not as long as I could hear him crying or check every so often to make sure he is not distressed.

Weegiemum · 19/05/2009 20:09

I did this all the time with all of mine.

Don't now, as dd2 (youngest dc) is 5 and doesn't sleep much in the car, and we moved and don't have a drive any more - but I used to leave them in the drive (and I couldn't easily see them - had to go to the front door to check every couple of minutes).

YANBU

MinnieMummy · 19/05/2009 20:12

I do this quite frequently. I leave the car alarm on so that if they wake up when I'm not peering out of the window at that exact moment then them waking up sets it off and I know they are awake.
IME they don't sleep for more than about half an hour (if you're lucky!) so it's not a very long time.

MollieO · 19/05/2009 20:20

Never ever ever. But then I wouldn't leave ds in a car unattended whether in the driveway, petrol station etc etc. I won't repeat the story that our local police told our ante natal class about a mother who left her baby in a locked car (and completely in her sight all the time). Suffice to say a very sad outcome.

MollieO · 19/05/2009 20:20

I mean post natal

slowreadingprogress · 19/05/2009 20:26

I'm sure 90% of people do this but I never did with DS.

There are ways round it - if I wanted him to have a longer nap I would sometimes drive round the very long way home. Or I'd sit in the car with him if I was at home and didn't want to wake him.

I mean, I wouldn't come on here and be utterly shocked at others doing it, or say it's abuse or anything, I just didn't feel comfortable with it and there are ways of not doing it if you don't want to!

babybillandsplodge · 19/05/2009 20:28

I would never do it, but know lots of people that do. I'm just too paranoid .

OrmIrian · 19/05/2009 20:29

No.
Neighbour needs to mind his own business,

NotmyELFtoday · 19/05/2009 20:30

I read some horror stories (linked from here) about babies dying in cars when being left due to dehydration and the rate at how fast temperature can rise in the cars. Suffice to say, have never felt comfortable leaving dd alone in the car since

brazenhussy · 19/05/2009 20:34

You can use an adapter and plug your baby moniter into the cigarette lighter if yo are that worried. I however, wouldn't find that necessary and to be honest it wouldn't harm a baby or toddler if they woke up and you didn't notice for several minutes - too many parents believe it necessary to cater to their toddler's every whim and whine.

Slickbird · 19/05/2009 20:36

Hmm. It's a tricky one isn't it. I certainly don't think YABU. I have left DD2 in the car on our drive to sleep, checking on her constantly, but we live in a Hamlet and it's not that busy with passers by as it were. I have locked the car before but she set the alarm off when she moved in her sleep and gave herself a fright! I have a baby DS and always bring him in, but he's in a car seat.

I have also left them at a petrol station and also always lock the car, but that really does sound quite terrifying wheat MollieO said. So now I may think twice. But it's awfully difficult (because I'm having terrible wrist, finger joint and back pain at the moment)getting 20 month old out and 10 week old out and a double buggy out just for a tenner of petrol. But obviously I would never forgive myself if anything happened. I have an 8 year old too and I guess when she's in the car I feel a bit better.

I really am thinking twice now tho.

liahgen · 19/05/2009 20:40

you can overcome the petrol thing nowadays by going to a station that has pay at the pump.

I tend to sit in car with sleeping small one and read.

yanbu though

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 19/05/2009 20:45

YANBU.

I do it and just pop to the front door every few minutes to see if he's woken.

I leave the front windows open a bit too. I guess when (if) it gets really hot this summer then I would have to review what I do.

Our drive is quite big and has a tall hedge shielding it from the road, so the car isn't easily visible by any passers by.

Thank your neighbour for their concern, but politely tell them to mind their own business!

foofi · 19/05/2009 20:45

I used to do this a lot. I won't pretend I was looking out the window all the time either! The car alarm always went off when they woke up. Nothing on earth would have got me to bring them in and wake them up if I could have another half an hour's peace

loler · 19/05/2009 20:56

I do this very regularly - On a risk assessment basis - they are probably safer asleep in the car while I run around checking every couple of minutes than being in the kitchen on their own while I run around doing jobs. I do keep the car locked - if the alarm goes off it normally means they are awake.

The forecourt thing is even more simple (if there isn't a pay at the pump) the dc must be safer in the car than dragged across an area where cars are moving around. I would imagine that if you looked at the stats that more children are hurt by cars on forecourts than are driven away from forecourts (and these would be based on the current trend of children being left in cars while their parent goes and pays). For me taking 3 young dc out of the car to pay would never happen. Like a lot of H&S issues - it's a knee jerk reaction to a very rare problem - that's me off my soap box!

YANBU

Slickbird · 19/05/2009 21:01

Loler You're quite right of course and I'm a firm believer in commonsense prevailing but I guess it's one of those things, when the seed of doubt is planted eh?

But as a couple of you have pointed - Pay at the Pump is the answer! Well, to the petrol problem anyway.

Original poster
cheekster · 19/05/2009 21:14

Thanks for all your comments!

I just couldnt believe neighbours reaction, I am so PFB too (and proud of it )and was sat in the kitchen window watching him all the time!

And yes, it would never be for any longer than half hour, and no I would never leave him in there in hot weather.

I think youre right IwishIwasmoreorganised - I should have said thanks for your concern but keep your nose out in future.

Instead I ran off into the house, tail between my legs and thought Id ask you wise ones!

OP posts:
Tanith · 19/05/2009 21:47

Well, if you really want to risk it...

...it's your choice

mum23monkeys · 19/05/2009 21:57

Tanith - yes I do risk it, and yes, it is my choice.

As Loler said, it's a risk assessment thing. The consequences could be horrific, but the risk must be miniscule. The chances of something with similar consequences happening in the home must be far greater.

I used to take ds1 into petrol stations to pay when he was little (pfb and all that) but he was probably safer in the car, away from the fumes, and not likely to get run over. Needless to say, with 3dc now I love popping in to pay for petrol and getting 30 seconds peace and quiet.

nickytwotimes · 19/05/2009 22:00

I couldn't do it, but most people I know do it. I ave taken a book out to the car to sit with him on accassion, but he is an only atm so I have that option.

Wilkiepedia · 19/05/2009 22:03

Yep I leave DS in the car if he is asleep on our driveway, pulled up so car is in shade and then keep watching from front window.

The car doors are double locked, the engine is not running so no chance of electrical fault firing up and we live on a quiet road. I wouldn't do it in the height of summer due to dehydration/overheating worries.

If I lived on a main road with on-road parking then no, I wouldn't do it.

MamaHobgoblin · 19/05/2009 22:06

I did this for a while. We live in a v quiet cul de sac, in a quiet village. Crime is virtually nil. I went out and checked on him every few minutes, and he was never in a hot car. I just don't think that anything bad is remotely likely to happen, and agree with poster above.

I also leave him in the car - locked - on the petrol station forecourt for a few minutes, keeping the car in my eyeline the whole time. I remember meeting a friend in the petrol station shop once, and her saying 'Where's DS?!' and feeling totally inadequate as a mother, because I assumed everyone left their babies in the locked car while they paid for petrol! And DS is most certainly my PFB.

SarfEast · 19/05/2009 22:14

God the thought makes me ill, I get terrible separation anxiety so wouldn't want her that far away from me. I would also worry about the car bursting into flames, rolling down a hill (insert any other nightmare scenario) So saying it can't be any worse than our mothers leaving us in the back garden for an nap an hour or so each day, it would just feel wrong to me.
I don't think you are being unreasonable per se, but I really wouldn't do it.

MollieO · 19/05/2009 22:16

The story told to us was mum fills up car, locks car with baby inside, goes into shop to pay for petrol. Electrical fault causes car to catch fire and not possible to rescue baby. Cars do catch fire, not often but it does happen.

BottySpottom · 19/05/2009 22:19

I wouldn't leave them any further than the drive, put it that way.

One mother at school leaves her children a fair way from school (15 minute round trip). She has been reported now - it takes no time at all for something to go wrong.