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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my DS asleep in the car whilst on our drive?

76 replies

cheekster · 19/05/2009 20:05

To cut a long story short, my neighbour thinks IABU?????

Even though the car is on our drive and I was sat in the kitchen so could seen when he woke up.

He has just gone into the next stage car seat (hes 10 mo) and previously I could just carry the carseat indoors. But now I leave him to sleep in the car as I know he'd wake if I had to take him out of the seat to bring him indoors.

So AIBU? Surely other people do this too.

OP posts:
liahgen · 20/05/2009 18:16

when we were kids, our parents would park up in pub car park, pop in, bring us pop and crisps, then bugger off back in pub for couple hours.

Dad would then drive home.

Different world we live in.

halia · 20/05/2009 19:29

yanbu
I'd do this like a shot if we had a) a car and b) a drive

can't see how its much different from leaving DS in a cot/baby chair/playing in the living room whilst I nip to the loo/make a cuppa/answer the door.

Risk assesment folks - its about two things the PROBABILITY of the event and the IMPACT / SEVERITY of the outcome.

When I was 10 my dads car literally blew up - completly unexpectedly. Thankfully no-one was in it at the time but on the grounds that it would have been horrific I should probably never get in a car again in case it blows up.
Or cross a road in case i get run over
Or get on a plane
Or visit london in case of terrorist bombs

you get my point?

wrinklytum · 20/05/2009 19:39

I wouldn't,as dd has sn and no sense of danger etc.If she falls asleep in the car I sit in the car with a book reading whilst she naps,have got some funny looks from passers-by!

I guess it is each to their own,how accessible/observable your driveway is,how sensible your dc is and so on.

verylapsedrunner · 20/05/2009 19:41

YANBU

messymissy · 21/05/2009 06:44

hi minnie mummy

i dont think the analogy of the handbag misses the point - its the definititon of risk

hazard - ie the severity of harm that could ensue

the likliehood that the hazard will happen

times the two together = equals the risk

so with the handbag left unattended, the hazard is not high - you lose your bag, cancel your cards etc etc may have a broken car window hassle but not too bad, likelihood of it happening, quiet high as most theft crimes are opportunist passersby.

so with your baby left unattended, the hazard is the highest you can possibly imagine, the likelihood may be low, but it remains therefore = its up to you whether you consider it a risk worth taking.

so when making your decision that it is a risk worth taking do you weight the severity of the harm that could happen when calculating your risk, or the likelihood that it will happen?

Personally, some risks regardless of the rarity, are just not worth taking in my book.

ps. the rspca frown on dogs being left in cars, even with the windows left open.

leaving the car windows ajar makes it easier to open the door from the outside.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 21/05/2009 06:54

The bag analogy does not work, I think there are a lot more chancers out there who think look handbag, maybe cash rather than look baby, maybe erm? I can sell it?.

Personally , and yes I should mind my own business, I think people who take their DC out of the car to pay for petrol when you can see the car clearly are BONKERS. As for the drive thing, I asked the same question when I was new on MN, I think it's fine as long as you are either able to see the car at regular intervals or you have a baby monitor in the car.

messymissy · 21/05/2009 07:02

Exactly my point libras, the likliehood of losing your bag is higher than someone taking your child, but the severity of the harm is very very different - it what you consider the more important factor when calculating your risk - the harm versus the likelihood.

ThingOne · 21/05/2009 10:16

YANBU

Driving a car is far, far more dangerous than any of these things. Nobody bats an eyelid at driving at 70mph on a motorway.

I would be interested to see how many cars randomly burst into flames. I can only surmise that it is incredibly rare as it was a news story. Deaths on the road are rarely reported. I draw my own conclusions about risk from this.

2anddone · 21/05/2009 10:56

YANBU If everybody worried about what might happen they would never leave their dc alone to hang out the washing, go to the loo, empty the bins or make a cup of tea in case the tv blew up or something similar while they were out the room. Yes it could happen but the chances are so tiny so no I dont think YABU at all

carocaro · 21/05/2009 10:57

I do, but like you, I sit and watch him all the time, the doors are locked with the window slightly open, we have a drive and the car is under a tree.

carocaro · 21/05/2009 10:58

I also get my laptop and sit backin the car as the WiFi reaches and I geton MN!

Spaceman · 21/05/2009 13:43

A few of my friends do leave their children in the car asleep, and I'm always surprised. It's not something I'd do. You've no idea how hot it's getting in there and, even if you leave a window open, who's to say a wasp might fly in; your child may wake up frightened; something goes wrong with the car or whatever. Also, if it's something you do regularly, you never know who may have an eye on your driveway. That sounds really paranoid I know, but it'd make it easy for anyone up to no good to know your moves and take advantage of the fact that you leave your child unattended (probably at the same sort of times everyday as well) for a length of time.

rasputin · 21/05/2009 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mspontipine · 21/05/2009 18:27

yes

Mspontipine · 21/05/2009 18:39

One of my cars randomly caught fire - it does happen.

Saw smoke coming out of bonnet - only very noticeable as was a cold frosty night. Started walking to phone box but flagged down a car instead with a mobile phone (twas a while ago)- gave me lift back to car which by then was totally in flames.

katiestar · 21/05/2009 19:26

But your house could catch fire too.

lil · 21/05/2009 19:32

MS was your car actually running at the time it burst into flames? that has a different probability entirely.

The risk of spontaneous combustion has to be up there with the risk of being hit by lightning.,,and I speak as someone who has been hit by lightning!!! honestly our house got hit while we were all in it, various damages done...

so YANBU some risks are so low thay are not worth worrying about!

bigchris · 21/05/2009 19:34

we've always done this too
and always leave children in the car when paying for petrol
much more risk on a petrol forecourt than car randomly bursting into flames
it's a wonder some of you ever chance to cross the road, lol

Mspontipine · 21/05/2009 21:09

But katiestar most people don't leave their children alone in the house, that's the point.

Lil no my car was not actually running when it burst into flames. Saw the smoke (luckily). Stopped car turned off engine. Put steering wheel lock on car(!!) Went for help - on return it was in flames.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 21/05/2009 21:16

Most injuries and deaths etc are in the home.

So we should all go and camp in the garden. or live in the car.

Silly.

lil · 21/05/2009 22:08

Ooh did you know that the probability of being injured by your toilet bowl cleaner is 1 in 173,972 (annual risk)?

but to die in a commercial plane crash is 1 in a million.

pity can't find probability of car spontaneously exploding.

wolfear · 21/05/2009 22:17

No way. Anything could happen. Just drive around for a bit longer - I do it all the time.

fourkids · 21/05/2009 23:07

When my DCs were babies I used to put them in the pram to sleep in the back garden in the fresh air - under a parasol - come rain or shine as long as it was warm enough.

(not at bed time...obviously! at nap time during the day )

I guess someone could have nipped in and nabbed them, But they didn't.

Someone said something about risk asessment. I think that's spot on. And I think we all assess risk differently, with different criteria and different life experience behind us. Apart from the extremes, there probably isn't a right or wrong - we all do what we think best and on the whole nothing goes wrong. And you know, even if something absolutely terrible happened, it wouldn't matter how careful we'd been - we'd still feel responsible.

picmaestress · 23/05/2009 00:29

It's not about nosy neighbours, it's about risk surely? There was a recent thread about this where I told the story of a toddler dying because his mother (a friend of my mother's) left him sleeping in the car, and he accidentally strangled himself on the seatbelt. She left him for a few minutes, in their car, on their drive, within sight.
The NSPCC advise not to do it, precisely because of this kind of thing.

picmaestress · 23/05/2009 00:35

Oh and BTW is it really so rare, cars bursting into flames? It happened outside my block of flats...it was flipping terrifying, the flames reached about 20 foot within a couple of minutes, I thought our flat was on fire. It was caused by an electrical fault, and interestingly, it didn't make the news...

God, I sound like a real doom merchant tonight.