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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give a mindee notice because he makes my dc miserable?

89 replies

OFSTEDoutstanding · 19/05/2009 11:04

Hi am feeling really today. Have just had 2 weeks off work as I am currently only minding one mindee and he went on holiday. He came back yesterday and cried solidly from 7.30-1 when I dropped him at nursery. There was no reason for the crying and I tried to ask what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me. He cried whenever it was a meal time and this started off my dd (aged 8 months) he is almost 3. Am wondering if it is for attention. I know its not because he has just had 2 weeks off as was doing this before he went too. My problem is I do this job not only because I enjoy it but because I am able to look after my own children this way (sorry to say but after 16 years in childcare I would prefere to do it myself I have met some real rotters over the years!) My ds (3 1/2) has now asked if he can go to pre-school every day so he doesn't have to see x and also if he can not go to toddlers so he can go to 'school' with his friends and not with x. I am really because I am feeling that I want to be with my dc who don't want to be here because of x. What would you do he is my only mindee and I need the money? I tried to talk to mum this morning but she couldn't get away quick enough and he was already crying. I have a new mindee in Sept and another one has asked for a Sept start which I have said I will get back to her about as x is due to go to pre-school but mum forgot to ask for a place as now he is on waiting list. Mum has told me once he gets a place he will be using his 5 sessions and I will be dropping down. This other possible mindee would be 2 days week and the definite new starter is full time. What do you think is it time to say goodbye to this mindee based on the fact he is making my dc miserable and my dh wont come home from work until he knows he has gone as can't be doing with the tears? Or do I persevere and see if he gets better (have had him since 5 months so not a settling in issue either. Today so far he has cried because he wants his cup and the pushchair they are both in the same room as him he just has to get up to get them. So AIBU to give notice because he makes my dc miserable?

OP posts:

pellmell · 22/05/2009 15:29

me too!

TotalChaos · 22/05/2009 16:21

how awfully convenient that now the mindee's parents are the ones at fault .

Ripeberry · 22/05/2009 17:08

I'm a childminder and i've waited until my own children are at pre-school and school as i personally don't feel that i could give 100% to both the mindees and my OWN children.
If you are looking after other peoples children you do need to be able to give a LOT of attention.
Don't know how childminders with their own babies manage, because i couldn't (but that's just me )

TheOtherMaryPoppinsDiets · 22/05/2009 18:46

So the boy is crying all day because he is used to playing alone? How strange. Did he not cry all day when your DS was around and he was playing with him?

Ripeberry, I too am a CM without young children, I chose to do this as a career, not a stop gap while kids were small.

Original poster

OFSTEDoutstanding · 22/05/2009 19:05

Ok I knew this would happen I knew if I stayed away from the thread and didn't come back to let you know how I got on with the parents I would flamed for abandoning the thread. I also knew that once I had posted about our conversation I would be flamed for 'making up what happened' it really is no win. This is the last time I am posting on this thread as I have said all I can and tbh whatever I say will be greeted with as I am now 'a bad CM' in the eyes of all of you. When I said highchair thank you nn I did mean a higher chair to reach the table not a baby style strap into highchair. When I say he is crying all day because he used to playing alone what I meant is 'and not one to one with other adults' yes he played absolutely fine when my ds was here he is used to that, he also played absolutely fine whenever I play with them if ds is here. He is apparently not used to the one to one with an adult as his parents have said he doesn't get it at home. And yes I know it sounds like a huge convienience that the parents were to blame but there is nothing I can do about that.

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 22/05/2009 20:04

So waht are you going to do about it?

MrsGravy · 22/05/2009 21:05

I don't understand. If it's this not being used to playing one to one thing, why was he apparently crying at home and at nursery then?

Don't get that at all.

What concerned me about your posts were that it took a long time for you to show any concern about the upset child. You were worried about your son and your DH (rightly so) but didn't seem particularly worried about why a small child was desperately upset and unhappy. Which seems a strange attitude for a childcarer if you ask me!

violethill · 23/05/2009 08:58

I agree MrsGravy.

It took ages for the OP to actually get round to addressing the issue with the parents. Days and days of watching the little boy crying, worrying about her own children, and about her husband who was too stressed out by the crying to want to come home from work

Yet the minute she actually gets round to speaking to the parents about it, she manages to analyse the problem, turns things around within a day with the mindee, and - get this!- is even dispensing parenting advice to the child's mum and dad!!

I don't think the OP is in the right job. I think if she was, then she wouldn't be posting on here - she'd have been far more concerned with identifying the problem and helping the little boy ages ago. I think she's a CM because she wants to earn money without having to spend any on childcare herself, and thinks that this is an easy way to do it. I don't think there is any genuine desire to care for other people's children professionally. Not something most working parents would be impressed by.

shockers · 23/05/2009 10:14

I would still be interested to know whether the child has been seen by his GP... just to rule out any medical issues. I know you and parents think you have identified the problem but it's worth looking in to... just in case.

BottySpottom · 23/05/2009 10:33

I am horrified by this post. Really horrified. Poor little sod. His parents clearly don't give a stuff - and nor do you. Of course he's not crying without a reason.

If he is crying all week-end, every week-end, his mother should be seeking some professional help. As for you responding to his crying by isolating him until he stops - yeah, great idea, that's not going to screw him up is it??!!

Sugarkane · 23/05/2009 11:35

Having read the whole thread I do have to refer back to your original post where you say..

"my DS (3 1/2) has now asked if he can go to pre-school every day so he doesn't have to see x and also if he can not go to toddlers so he can go to 'school' with his friends and not with x." You later go on to say..

"When I say he is crying all day because he used to playing alone what I meant is 'and not one to one with other adults' yes he played absolutely fine when my ds was here he is used to that, he also played absolutely fine whenever I play with them if ds is here."

I feel that you have changed your story along the way somewhat, the above is a great example of this. It is in my opinion very clear why people are concerned about your ability to be a CM.

As a final note I must ask did you seek approval from the parents before you undertook 'control crying' techniques as I would be genuinely horrified if a CM put this into practise with my DD without my consent.

BottySpottom · 23/05/2009 12:30

And as for being rated outstanding by OFSTED ...

FabulousBakerGirl · 23/05/2009 12:56

I know, I was slightly about that too as how on earth did that check go so well if that was the result?

HappyMummyOfOne · 23/05/2009 13:24

I also feel sad for the little boy and appalled that controlled crying was carried out without the parents permission. Also a little at it all being the parents fault nevermind the fact that a child was left sobbing whilst his childcare provided surfed the net.

A childminder, to me, is somebody that wants to work with children and has a genuine passion for the job, sadly too many are simply in it to stay at home with their own children yet still earn money.

As for Ofsted, they do a half day (maybe a little more/little less) inspection and, as they have warning of the visit, its very easy to manipulate.

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