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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that the church creche leader gave all the children sweets yesterday

88 replies

punchinello · 18/05/2009 22:17

I think they were haribo type sweets rings cola bottles red hearts bears etc etc. My children are 3.5 and 18 months. Dh says I'm making too much of it and has asked me not to talk to the lady concerned am I?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2009 08:11

I'm afraid have to cringe when I read about occasional sweets children are literally dying all the time as they don't have enough food and water.

Sorry if that sounds holier-than-thou.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2009 08:12

that was meant to say "when i read about occasional sweets being a life-sapping snack"

oliverboliverbutt · 19/05/2009 08:13

YANBU

Regardless if the lady was 'doing something nice', giving sweets to a toddler without asking the mum shouldn't be done.
Some people really don't want their kids eating that stuff at that age and that should be respected.
I'd have a word with her and ask her politely in the future to check that it is ok with you.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 19/05/2009 08:29

YANBU
DS is growing up veggie with a muslim dad so TBH we would both be very pissed off if he was given anything containing pork (especially, but any) gelatin. You don't expect to have to say, but maybe you will have to in future. Explain that he can have chocolate like buttons but nothing jelly, and lesson learned for the future.

seeker · 19/05/2009 08:42

Actually, just thinking about this again. If it is what's always been done at this creche,then perhaps you are being unreasonable to ask them to stop. Because they will have to stop completely unless your 3 year old is a MUCH nicer, more reasonable child than either of mine were. Otherwise the fall out of everybody getting sweets but yours would be too hideous to contemplate!

spokette · 19/05/2009 10:06

I teach Sunday School and I gave out mini chocolate bars as a prize for the game that we were playing one Sunday. The children loved it.

None of the parents complained because they are grateful for the time that we volunteer to teach their children as well as the effort we put in to preparing lessons.

We have a contact sheet that all parents sign which gives details of allergies and what not to give their children.

If you do not want your child having sweets, let the creche leader know because she is not psychic. However, please do so in a way that you do not come across as ungrateful for the fact that she volunteers her time to look after your off-spring.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/05/2009 10:31

ChipppingIn - I have to be honest and say that I can't remember in detail the nature of the lumps that my boys were eating at 18 months old - the youngest is 12, and my memory is not what it used to be.

Spokette's answer seems like the best solution - a contact sheet with somewhere for the parent to write any special info - like food they're not allowed.

I do think that if you are going to rule out some common foods, it's only fair to have a word with the teacher so they have the chance to get an alternative (as in chocolate buttons would be ok but not haribos, so the creche leader gets chocolate buttons instead for the next time she gives out sweets).

ChippingIn · 19/05/2009 10:40

StayingSunny - for me it's not about the size of the 'lump' but the 'nature' of it. She was eating apples by herself at that age, but I was still a bit careful with grapes because they are so slippery - of course she had them, but I was just more careful watching her with a grape than say with a biscuit, same with Haribo. I wouldn't actually want her to have them, but if she did I would want to be with her as they can be slippery, sticky little buggers and I worry about them getting stuck/caught.

Joggler · 19/05/2009 10:40

oh and where IS the OP?
not here?
there is a thing

poopscoop · 19/05/2009 10:42

What is wrong with giving the chldren a couple of sweets. It was obviously done in all good faith (excuse the pun) but YABU.

Your children will be given sweets all through their childhood, but it won't kill them.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 19/05/2009 11:05

Poopscoop
it's been stated what is wrong with giving children those particular types of sweets. Choking hazard for one, and contain gelatin for another.
If you don't get that....

Portofino · 19/05/2009 11:23

Thinking of a trip here whilst on holiday!

Or would it be safer to stick to bungy jumping and white water rafting?

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/05/2009 11:38

Kat - there's no need to imply that anyone is stupid because they do not share your opinion about haribo sweets.

If they were a known choking hazard for 18 month olds, they would not be allowed to be sold for consumption by children that young - there would have been a huge stink in the media etc etc.

And not every parent agrees that gelatin is milk from the devil's teats either - so enough with the snooty eye-brow raising hmmm emoticon simply because someone has failed to agree with you!!

thegirlwiththecurl · 19/05/2009 11:41

Hi - I also am a sunday school leader for 4-10 yrs old and more often than not give out raisins/ oranges and a drink. However, I did give out choc buttons a few weeks ago as a treat.

I actually do think that haribos that young are a choking hazard and therefore wouldn't give them, but I am, sure that she meant well. I have never thought about vegetarian needs, I have to say, although I am conscious of allergies and in my last sunday school, where a girl had severe nut allergies we were told by her mum that haribos were safe, so we used them. I do think some kind of sign up sheet may be helpful, but please suggest this in a constructive way and remember that sunday school leaders put a lot of time and effort into planning activities to help children and so that you can relax in church without having to sort out your children. It is hard work sometimes and I think if I got 'told off' in a non-constructive way, I would probably quit, especially as I was only doing it to help the children and give them a fun time

poopscoop · 19/05/2009 11:51

thanks stayingsunny for sticking up for me.

Kat - You had best stay indoors in an empty room, feeding your child puree if you feel like that. There are many choking hazards in the world, and we all just need to be careful.

Amazing really that any of us adults are here to tell the tale of our childhood with all this fuss and namby pambying over a bloody sweet to you to Kat

bridewolf · 19/05/2009 11:54

from a allergy point of view , no one should feed a child that young without checking with parents first.

i would object to the chocolate idea, a high risk with common nut allergies.

Allergies, esp severe ones are much more important than a veggie issue. IMO

At church i always had to provide a safe snack, and take care to tell them of the risk. they in turn warned me in advance of any risky food being handed out near our allergic child.

its a simple mistake for anyone to make, and is understandable.
however, food crops up in any social situtation.

anyway, just wait until you start full time school, non stop parties and sweets handed out at school for birthdays!

wanttobealone · 19/05/2009 11:56

ffs it is sweets
your lucky is wasnt a greggs sausge roll 0r a fruit shoot

MmeLindt · 19/05/2009 11:57

Listen to your DH.

poopscoop · 19/05/2009 12:02

If someone has a child with an allergy, the parent is also responsible for informing others beforehand, especially if it is a life threatening one IMO.

FAQinglovely · 19/05/2009 12:08

you give my children chocolate buttons in creche (well DS3 - other 2 are too old fore creche) and YOU clean them up - same goes for the chocolate biscuits after the service - yes they can have one - but you clean them up.

Give me haribo any day

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/05/2009 12:11

Ah yes, FAQ - but what sort of soap - handcrafted organic/Pears/gelatin-free? And ordinary tapwater or mineral water or distilled water? How fluffy should the towel be, and what detergent should have been used to wash it....

The whole thing's a minefield, I tell you.

FAQinglovely · 19/05/2009 12:12

first thing they lay their hands on - after the service it's not unusual for me to spot DS3 having his hand and face wipes with the cloth they have to mop up spills of coffee on the tables >

MmeLindt · 19/05/2009 12:13

DD was allergic to nuts and when she was being cared by someone else I would tell them.

The OP did not state why she was upset, but since she did not say that the family are muslim/vegetarians then I have to assume that it was not the melted animals that annoyed her.

I would not have even thought about the gelatine in Haribo being a problem.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/05/2009 12:14

Lol FAQ - you sound like a mother after my own heart!

brimfull · 19/05/2009 12:19

You need to start training your children to not eat anything without checking with you first if you feel that strongly about a sweet.
I think yabu but it is possible to train small toddlers to be careful about what they eat, ds is severely allergic to nuts and knows not to eat anything from his golf coach who regularly gives him snickers bars despite knowing about his allergies.