Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that the church creche leader gave all the children sweets yesterday

88 replies

punchinello · 18/05/2009 22:17

I think they were haribo type sweets rings cola bottles red hearts bears etc etc. My children are 3.5 and 18 months. Dh says I'm making too much of it and has asked me not to talk to the lady concerned am I?

OP posts:
rasputin · 18/05/2009 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nappyaddict · 18/05/2009 22:57

If she let them eat them without asking you first YANBU. At playgroup things like this are given out on birthdays etc but they give them the parents at home time so they can decide whether to give them to their DC or not.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 18/05/2009 22:58

Ugh @ Haribo, so gross. I used to pounce on anyone who tried to give my dc's anything less that organic fruit (picked within the last hour)...but have chilled out a bit now.

If I were you (and with children that age) I would say to her next time you go that your children mentioned they had been given sweets, and as you do not do that at home you would appreciate it if she asked first, becaus ethe answer would be no (or maybe in a less confrontational way!) also you could mention the possibility of allergies, and that it is always best to ask the parents first anyway.

Tortington · 18/05/2009 22:59

oh ffs

i think you need to take the bitch out

HuwEdwards · 18/05/2009 23:00

You will guffaw at yourself in years to come, seriously.

wotulookinat · 18/05/2009 23:02

YABU. Chill.

oopsagain · 18/05/2009 23:05

Isn't it wierd how the responses go?
They are your kids and you don't wan them to have something.
and somebody gives them that thing.

I can't really see why people think it is ok.

But I am a veteran of these type of threads and you're onto a loser.

The majority will tell you you are being daft and uptight and blah blah blah.

Sorry!

jasper · 18/05/2009 23:05

agree with Huw.
I actually love the fact that in the UK adults can get away with giving things to kids without their parents suing them.Yes it's old fashioned but so what, it's a kind gesture.

I was in a greasy spoon cafe with a friend from the US when a drunk man gave my son a packet of sweets> my son thanked the man (with some prompting!) then ate the sweets.

My US friend's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

oopsagain · 18/05/2009 23:08

I am at presnt just polishing off a .ovely packet of veggie haribos.
Yum!

My objection to the sweets is gelatine.
as a family we don't eat it.

But people never think to ask.
and apprently it is unreasonable to be upset that my belifs are not respected.

and I do ahve asnes of humour and I am a very laid back parent and my kids have all sorts of other treats and snacks. just not the aforementioned melted pigs

Thunderduck · 18/05/2009 23:10

I have no problem with melted animals hence the yum.

jasper · 18/05/2009 23:12

oops the thing is many people don't know haribos have animal bits in them

oopsagain · 18/05/2009 23:13

LOL- I have agrudging respect for the people who grow their own goat in the back garden, slaughter it and skin and filltet it etc.
and use every bit of it.

it's the people who have no idea how meat is treated, killed and prepared that sadden me tbh.

HuwEdwards · 18/05/2009 23:15

I (and more importantly my kids) do not give a rats arse that haribos have animal bits in (surely the loverly melted anmal bits?)

Thunderduck · 18/05/2009 23:15

Now I'm craving Percy pigs.

Stayingsunnygirl · 18/05/2009 23:15

I can see both sides to this. As oops said, your dcs got some sweets you wouldn't want them to have, and you feel strongly about that.

But also, isn't it good to live in a world where people want to do something nice for children? I think that the world would be a sad, sad place if any kindly-meant gesture had to be cleared by the parents filling in a form beforehand.

Perhaps before you decide to have a word with this woman, you need to decide what you'd like to achieve. If you go in all guns blazing, she could be really hurt and offended, and decide to give up the creche leadership, which would make life harder for all the families that use the creche. But if you go in for a friendly discussion on rewards and treats in the creche, you might be able to express your feelings and find a way forward.

It could be a good idea if you had some alternative to suggest - as one poster has said, would you have been happier if it had been chocolate buttons? Or perhaps the children could have a special little book that the leader could put a sticker in for them. Perhaps some weeks you could undertake to provide fresh fruit cut up ready for the children - or even organise a rota to do so.

Stayingsunnygirl · 18/05/2009 23:19

And it has to be said, there will come a time when you will look back with fond nostalgia on the days when the worst thing that your darlings consumed was a couple of haribo!

I feed my dses mainly home-cooked, good food. They like the finer things in life too (ds3 tried to order lobster in a restaurant once, and both he and ds1 have eaten and enjoyed steak tartare) - but what do they eat, when out from under my eye? Pot noodles, Rustlers, fizzy energy drinks (like they need more energy - sheesh) - the list goes on.

I have come to realise, as you will, that if they are having a good diet most of the time, a bit of rubbish won't do them any great harm.

oopsagain · 18/05/2009 23:22

Yes, Jasper, my point, eactly.
ignorance of what you are eating and what you are handing out to kids...

IMHO it is about thinking about all of people's beliefs... and working out what is best.

maybe she should ask the parents if any kids have allergies and if any of the kids are veggie etc (i suspect none of the kids at church are jewish or muslim )

Some people may think gelatine based sweets are a treat and some may not.
so maybe it's nice and sensible to ask first and then no harm done?

I'd be happy to take sweets in and share them out if i'd asked all of the parents first .. but they'd all get veggie sweets- as i'm sure the meat eaters could cope with them

oopsagain · 18/05/2009 23:24

LOL, polease don't patronise the OP
I have come to realise that some people show no respect to other people.

Stayingsunnygirl · 18/05/2009 23:31

Do you mean me, Oops?

ChippingIn · 18/05/2009 23:53

Stayingsunny - for me 'a bit of rubbish wont hurt them' isn't the point though. I wouldn't want my 18 month old given Haribo as I feel it's a choking hazzard. I wouldn't be chuffed by my 3 yo being given it either as it has geletin in it (or as oops is famous for - melted pig!) and I do my best to not let the kids have these kinds of sweets... I wouldn't object to chocolate buttons, candy fizzy type sweets etc - well, anything without geletin in it basically for the 3 yo as a treat off of someone, but once again, not for the 18 month old without me supervising her eating it... not precious, just careful re the choking hazzard at that age. However, I am sure that there are people here who wouldn't even want them to have the things I am happy with, so all in all, if you want to treat strangers kids without having to ask first - then why not get some stickers, pencils or whatever and avoid anything they eat!! Much simpler!

As an aside, I don't care what they are given, anywhere, as long as they are told to bring it to me first and don't have it opened for them - I'm quite able to say 'No, you can't have that'.

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/05/2009 00:21

I think that, by 18 months old, my children were eating far bigger lumps of food than a haribo sweet. Of course, if the haribo sweets aren't recommended for children that young, that's different.

thell · 19/05/2009 00:40

I will lend you my support, Punchinello!
I come from a family with crap digestive systems, and I don't want my children eating rubbishy 'food' that will make them ill / make their bodies work harder to stay well.

It's all very well saying that a treat occasionally is fine - I agree - but what with birthdays, parties, meeting up with friends and other one-off occasions that all add up, you don't need someone also giving out sweets every week without your permission.

I know the lady was trying to be lovely, and I always am really touched by people's kindness when they offer DD treats / ice cream, but I have the same niggle inside as you.
Especially with an 18 month old - that's far too young!

Perhaps a less life-sapping snack would be more appropriate - like a biscuit or something? You could even volunteer to buy a packet for all the children ??
There's got to be some better option!

thell · 19/05/2009 00:42

Ooh, somehow I missed morocco's post.
Sounds perfect.
What she said...

StripeyOss · 19/05/2009 06:02

I'd be slightly miffed, but only because of their age.. i dont think anyone should be giving kids under 5 sweets and certainly not an 18mo!

I would go talk to her, but just to say "Thank you for the lovely gesture, it was really sweet/kind of you to buy the kids a present.. now please dont give my babies sweets bitch!"

well ok, maybe not the last bit.

seeker · 19/05/2009 08:02

I think that nobody should give anything non-vegetarian to a group of children without asking. But apart from that, I think you just have to accept the fact that outside your front door your children will eat all sorts of stuff, and that if what they eat inside your front door is good stuff it won't do them any harm.

Thell - I do see your point, but I couldn't help grinning at a few cola bottles being a "life-sapping snack" - sorry!