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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you write a letter? or would it be unreasonable to do so?

99 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/05/2009 18:57

I collected ds1 from school yesterday and he was in a foul and upset mood, so i asked him what was wrong. He told me that 2 of the children in his class had gone to one of the male teachers and accussed him of "saying something" so the male teacher and his class teacher both went to him and told him he had made a comment that they were not happy about and he needed to write a letter to explain what he had said and why he had said it, he kept telling them he had not said anything and they again told him he had and they would be passing it to the headteacher. I asked ds1 to ask the male teacher if he would talk to me and his reply was there is no need it has been passed to the head. I asked the head last night and she had no idea what i was talking about.

So today I collect ds1, but before he came out i spoke to the head who said all she knew is there were apparently some not so nice comments made and some name calling but that was it. She could not shed any light on the situation.

DS1 came out and i asked him what had happened as he had not written the letter as told. He said the teachers told him he had
to a girl said
"I can see a hole in your tights"
And to a boy
"I raped your mum"

Now I am the first to admit ds1 is no angel BUT he knows rape is not a nice thing, he knows it scars people for life and he also assures me he never said anything of the kind. I have to say I believe him 1000000000000% He knows the implications of rape and what it means to be a victim....and i dont for one millisecond believe he said it.

However the class teacher has told him she will "deal" with him tomorrow after he has finished his last sats test.

1 of these children who made the accusation is being monitored by the young offenders and is on the brink of being put in a Y.O unit. he has also been expelled from 5 schools yet they believe him over my ds1 which i have to say i find annoying. I don't for one second believe he is a perfect angel as those on here who know me will vouch to as i have posted about his behaviour at home.

would i be unreasonable to write to the teacher for ds1 to give her in the morning telling her i think she needs to look further into it as everytime there is an incident it is always ds1 who is singled out and i am getting a tad pissed off with it.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 20:32

I am pleased it has all come out and I have no regrets of defending him or being honest with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 20:32

tree, fuming? yes seething to be more exact lol.

OP posts:

treedelivery · 15/05/2009 20:33

So what's up with this other kid and the place in general. It all sounds very very very rl and a bit harsh?!

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 20:35

Tree you don't want to know my opinion on whats wrong with the school trust me!!!

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treedelivery · 15/05/2009 20:43

Sounds a bit grim mate! [sad[ Is due to leave this year?

cornsilk · 15/05/2009 20:45

That's appalling. I would be furious. Your son deserves an apology from the children and the teacher.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 20:56

Tree, yes THANKFULLY!!!! July 17th!!!

Corn, I am but am trying not to fester on it this weekend.

OP posts:

nickschick · 15/05/2009 21:10

Evenstar I knew from your post you knew your ds was innocent - I believed him too .

Jux · 15/05/2009 21:35

He's only got a few weeks left, so he might as well make the best of sitting next to him?????? WTF? What. The. Fuck? What. The. Fucking. Fuck??????

I think that calls for deep investigation. That teacher has got something very seriously wrong in his head. Please don't let that one go. It's appalling.

treedelivery · 15/05/2009 21:39

Have to say I would struggle to make the best of sitting with someone who said that about me.

Once again victim suffers, person in the wrong is treated with respect and dignity. Arse.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 21:50

oh but you see they have to make him feel good he is on warning about getting an asbo (not ds1).

and to answer the earlier question?

the school rarley confront the errr other kids parents....but my mum works there and they see that as a sign its ok to do so with me.

there are other reasons as well but i am staying hush

OP posts:

treedelivery · 15/05/2009 21:53

Oh dear. I hope next school is..er...a bit more...or less...er....

Well, y'know.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 21:54

Tree yeah I do........

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treedelivery · 15/05/2009 22:20

He'll soon be outta there. Stout heart! Very wise not to let it gripe at you all weekend. I know I would struggle with that so my respect!

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 22:47

Tree, am countin to a million repeatedly lol

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katiestar · 15/05/2009 23:10

I still don't really understand .What is this note ? and I thought your DS was accused of saying 'i'm goingto rape (not punch) your mum to the little hooligan.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 15/05/2009 23:17

Katie, the boy wrote a note and gave it to the teacher. he did not say outright what he was accussing ds1 of saying, and you are right that is what he was accussed of. but tonight he changed his mind and then admitted it was all a lie to get ds1 in trouble

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edam · 15/05/2009 23:38

Blimey, am really glad ds has been vindicated, but amazed by how badly the teacher handled this. What a terrible message to send all three children.

katiestar · 16/05/2009 01:40

AAH glad he has been vindicated.Roll on the end of term when he won't have to see the little toad again !

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 16/05/2009 11:10

Katie thats what I am holding onto. this is just one of many incidents where he has been proved innocent yet the school still listen to others first.

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Stayingsunnygirl · 17/05/2009 00:50

I would be going to the Governors about this, TLES. Your son deserves an unreserved apology from the teacher and from the child concerned, and should not have to sit with this child any longer.

The other child should be punished - he needs to learn that actions have consequences, otherwise he'll end up with more ASBOs, and worse.

I hope that you can resolve things for your son, and that the next few weeks are happy and uneventful for him at school.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 10:11

Staying, thankyou. He has been blamed for so many things in the past and always proved innocent except on one occassion but then he admitted to what he had said lol...a set of twins had taken the mickey out of him because they had seen me going into a charity shop so he smiled and replied "and you have room to talk do you? your mum got you from ebay in the damaged item section"

OOPPSS

I should have changed his school a long time ago but alas too late to worry now as he is off to secondary in September and i will be worrying over other things lol

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hercules1 · 17/05/2009 10:25

THere is something I really dont get here. WHat investigation went on to prove the op's ds had said this? Surely they didnt go on just the word of 2 other children?? It sounds like the teacher assumed the boy was guilty from the off rather than simply asking him what had happened. As a teacher I always listen to the other side and make sure I know the facts before accusing. Often the children who tell are the guilty ones who think that if they get in their first they'll be believed which it seems they were in this case.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2009 10:50

Hercules there was no investigation, this was one of the things i asked about. Apparently the 2 children involved wrote notes and handed them to the teacher, turned out the boy had written them both and handed them to the teacher. The girl knew nothing about it.

I have said it before and I will say it again ds1 stands out like a sore thumb in that school and he is always noticed, there have been times when a child has hit him and eventually he has retaliated the other child gets off and he gets in trouble.

The school do not want to be seen as racist putting it very bluntly.

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