Whats happened to make you say "My god, i'm traumatised for life!"

[StripeyOss]

Thinking silly things, nothing bad.. its a fun thread people!!

For me, its the choice of two incidents.

1. Discovering my SIL had left the lid off the Vivarium her Tarantula lived in and that it had escaped somewhere in the house... it took 3hrs to find it, 3hrs i spent in the garden btw!

2. Just now i went to throw nappy in outside bin and stood, bare foot on a farkin GIANT SLUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, i shrieked like a girl, then spent a few minutes trying not to

I havent' decided which is more traumatic yet....

i saw my grandad naked.
i loved him more than anything in the world but dear god he needed an iron!

The moment I woke up in the desert at midnight to the sound of Mr Bonkers smashing a bottle down by my mouth on a blood sucking camel spider about to crawl into my gaping maw...

Oh god Hassled i feel your pain i'm winceing at the thought.

The Sunday dinner when I was little when I found a nipple on a piece of Belly Pork! [shudder]

hehe this thread is faring hilarious.
The worst moment of my life was finding my mums double ended dildo under the bed ..... she went through a bi stage!
I was 14 and clearly remember dry heaving for a lonnnnnnng time

This one comes a close second.
Was wearing my timberland boots, had been out for about 2 hours and something was bothering my toes. Theres quite a bit of room in them, and everynow and then I would feel something in the end. So after a while I took it off and tipped out.... you know.... a huuuuuuuuuuge spider that was curled up dead but a bit juicy wet looking. It was massive, hairy and I could see it's bloody balls it was so big

Ooh Baileys I sympathise - must have been massive for you to actually feel it. I put my foot inside a welly boot to find a dying mouse left by the cat. I give them a good shake before putting them on now.

I said nothing. He stared in horror, I backed out and we have NEVER SPOKEN OF IT AGAIN. And now I always knock.

A crackling nipple!! pmsl!!

I've just remembered one it will make your toes curl.

I was living with an ex bf i had gone home to visit. For some reason in i was sharing a bed with my Dm,. In the middle of the night i was awoken by her trying to beat me off as i tried to.... Snog her. I must have been having dreams.

its too awful i've never told anyone that and we have never mentioned it. I was about 20 at the time.

These are very funny .

I remember a few years ago when Ali G had that stupid song out .

Well I was sitting with my Dad and little brother who when the song came on and I asked my Dad what a Punani was .

Cue stunned silence from my Dad and my brother pissing himself telling me it was another word for vagina .

I have remembered another - my mum believes in answering all children's questions straight away and as honestly as possible, which is great, but I thought I would die when my little brother asked at a family lunch 'Mummy what's masturbation?' (I was 13 at the time - height of shame at parental behaviour)

I remember my friend snogging some random bloke in a night-club a few years ago, standing up with her leaning against the wall, and he was unbeknownst to her, having a quiet wank.... he came all over her brand new silk skirt....eewwwww!

Somebody's maybe already said this, I've had to stop reading now: I'm traumatised for life by this thread. I stopped reading about 10 mins ago, can't face my supper, did anyone need to ask what "boak" meant, ewww, I never knew such a thing as a double dildo existed, and that thing that poor backpacker went through on the bus, it's enough to put anyone off gap years for ever, and enough already with the pubes and cat poo [leaves heaving]

This has the makings of a MN classic, the tears are running down my face and I've only got as far as MeandMyMonkey on page one. I seriously don't think my pelvic floor can take anymore.

The other week i was looking for a jumper in my dad's drawer and pulled out a huge box of viagra I quickly stuffed it back and have been trying to ignore the image which im sure is burnt into my retinas. I really shouldn't be surprised that my parents still do it as they are still only 45 and 46 and dp is the same age but even so eeeuuughhhh!

Coming home late one night when we were living with MIL and hearing her at it very loudly with her bf. Somehow DP didn't hear it.

At a work event I was tucking into the samdwiches when I felt a hair in my mouth. Yuck, so I pulled and pulled and it just kept coming, the longest black hair ever tucked in my egg mayo.

oh I HATE the hair in the food thing. It's one of my biggest phobias since an incident at senior school. I ordered a jacket potato with baked beans, and one of the beans had a pube through the middle. THROUGH THE MIDDLE! How does that happen?!

sitting down to watch home vids of the kids from our video camera

me, dh, my mum, my DAD, my stepson....

and my dad being in control of the camera and sitting about 1 foot from the very marge telly

and the next vid isn't the kids.....

yes, me, very close up and NOT my face iyswim

and then he doesn't take the vid out
he fast forwards a random amount and presses play AGAIN

and yes me again, even closer if it is possible

I think my heart actually stopped!

dh left the room giggling

he wouldn't have been laughing if it had been the bit with him on....

sitting down to watch home vids of the kids from our video camera

me, dh, my mum, my DAD, my stepson....

and my dad being in control of the camera and sitting about 1 foot from the very marge telly

and the next vid isn't the kids.....

yes, me, very close up and NOT my face iyswim

and then he doesn't take the vid out
he fast forwards a random amount and presses play AGAIN

and yes me again, even closer if it is possible

I think my heart actually stopped!

dh left the room giggling

he wouldn't have been laughing if it had been the bit with him on....

ooops I certainly did not mean to post that twice

we had a power cut and a daddylonglegs drowned in my wine. i drank it. oh those legs in my mouth i will feel them till i die.

eeww fishie
you poor thing

that reminds me....playing a video I found whilst babysitting......the parents on the screen. That one haunted me for years.

Time for another animal story or two

The time my labrador puppies had some sort of bug....it seriously looked like someone had sprayed the entire kitchen (floors, cupboards, walls) with a fireman's hose full of liquid dogshit

The time the dogs and I were staying on a farm in Scotland, where they could eat sheepshit till the cows came home. And then the noise at 3am of dogs vomiting and shitting liquid sheep shit all over the bedroom we were all sharing at the time.

Both of these occasions resulted in me fleeing to DH and calling piteously that I might need a hand clearing up. And a bucket or two of warm soapy water

Just remembered another horrible cat incident. Holly-cat was rather poorly and vomited and pooed all over my lovely new bedroom carpet. I spent hours clearing this up but a couple of days later the smell in the bedroom seemed even worse. I then found more congealed runny poo in a sports bag I had under the bed. Utterly boak-tastic!