To expect family members to remember I'm a coeliac when planning their buffets?

[pollykettlechips]

I'm probably being selfish and self-centred, but after this weekend at a Christening and a birthday where i had nothing to eat but a crappy GF sandwich and choc muffin that i brought along myself, I'm beginning to get really pissed off.

I was diagnosed over a year ago and since then there have been lots of family events, all of which I try to take with me something I can eat. Not once has there been even a token attempt to provide any GF food - even a couple of GF digestives would do the trick, at least i would appreciate the effort.

The consensus seems to be 'So? Bring your own?'. There's another birthday this weekend, on DH's side which is a long drive to get there, a long drive back, and I'm not sure i want to make the effort to just be hungry (Glutafin bread is awful but better than the others I've tried, so I only take a couple, along with a few biscuits - no wonder i'm piling on the pounds)

I know GF food is expensive and I'm not asking for my own personal buffet, and I know that the hosts have more important things to think about that my diet, but my DH and I ARE very considerete people and would without a doubt make the effort (and have done with other issues). But when my own sister can't be bothered, well I guess I'm just annoyed that as a considerate and thoughtful person, I seem to be always overlooked.

What to other coelics do at other people's buffets?

my dc are dairy free not GF, but we're in the bring-your-own camp as well. We get some tokenism "can they have bread" type questions but usually so far wide of the mark that it isn't even worth trying to explain. we just send them to parties with a lunchbox

Do your family know what you can eat?

btw, I don't think you are being selfish / self centred, your family could at least try a little bit. I do for relatives

I plan for my wheat/meat opposed Aunt.

There is normally rice salad, a whole fish, oatcakes, fruit, green salad, tomato salad. Cheese selection and the usual saus rolls etc. Funnily enough the gluten free stuff normally disappears first. Last time pud was meringues strawbs and whipped cream.

I find it is easier if you plan what is possible rather than what isn't.

yanbu, i have a friend who has coelics and i make an effort to ensure there is something she can eat. can you give your family some suggestions?

My side of the family know better than DH's, but maybe they don't know the specifics. I've had two people say, 'but white breads ok?'

I've refused birthday/xmas cake so often I think they should have got the hint by now.

I think, Gigglewitch, that's probably what's bugging me - I do make an effort with other people and try to remember things that are important to them (even specifically looking for and buying vegetarian cheese for sandwiches and quiche for a family member, who in the end didn't turn up .

I think I'm timid and don't make too much of a fuss. Maybe time to be more vocal!

I was diagnosed about a year ago and just take my own stuff - my mum is one too and often forgets to sort anything out for either of us...

i just make up for it by only making gluten free stuff for dinner parties!

It's annoying but people find it hard to remmeber what it entails.

Oooh, can can i come to your parties, Metatron? The food sounds delicious. TBH, most of our food events tend to be sandwiches and pizza pastry type food (all very unhealthy). My SIL usually does prove fruit and I remember from last year she had mini meringues with strawbs - making the party slightly more appealing now.

My MIL is as well it's not at all difficult to cater for her needs and when she's here she eats the same as us.

Your family are probably just insensitive scared of changing the routine.

It's nice for people to make the effort I think.

One of the girls in our NCT group is wheat intolerant and it took us all a couple of weeks to remember about it but now we always have something for her.

Ok, it's only snacks, but we do make the effort.

Noonki - what kind of food do you take? Although it's been a year, I find that i struggle even to make up a packed lunch for work (loads of fruit, two sandwiches, crisps and a few GF digestives and i often get hungry at work). Not got the time or skill to make anything fancy.

polly I think that your dh's family are v inconsiderate.

All of the major supermarkets stock a wide range of "free from" items. Also there are so many foods that are naturally gf as you know. Why on earth they couldn't just do a plate of salad/cheese/meat even if actually buying gf crackers/bread to go with it is beyond them.

Dh has been gf for many years. My mother really makes major efforts for him. (she makes gf cakes for him). His own mother mother can hardly be bothered to buy a small packet of gf biscuits.

btw in response to your later question re packed lunches. Can you have dairy (if so, try yogurts, rice puddings, custards). Nuts? We get a mix of chocolate peanuts,plain peanuts and raisins from Aldi. Cheese and gf crackers. Smoothies (from supermarket or homemade)

Also Mrs Crimbles coconut macaroons (several varieties in range) are fairly good value and filling.

Wow, I had never really thought about this. My cousins girlfriend is wheat and dairy-free and I've never known her complain at a buffet. I now feel incredibly guilty and like I am a crappy cousin Is there really no salads or rice or fruit that you could eat?

I am definitely going to make more effort next time Anna comes over.

In defense of your relatives they have probably forgotten that you are coeliac (sp?). A gentle reminder before hand would probably do the trick. Could you offer to bring a plate of something? Then make a point of saying 'do you mind if I make it gluten free?' That way they have been reminded with out you outright telling them to make you something.

polly if you know the family members well enought could you perhaps say to them "oh would you mind popping a couple of jacket potatoes in the oven for me please?"

Dh's sil does this for him and although it means a potato every time at least she has made the effort. Usually there is cheese, salad etc to put on it, unless it is one of those "sausage roll, vol au vent and pork pie only buffets" that my mil is so fond of providing.

YANBU, but it's depressingly familiar. My SIL even told me (when inviting us to her birthday party when I was 35 weeks pg, and would have to drive for 5 hours there and back) that 'it was too difficult to cater for me, and I would have to bring my own food'. She even invited us for Christmas, but said I'd have to bring my own stuff.

Other SIL invited us for Christmas drinks. Lots of lovely nibbles for everyone else (hot things, posh crisps, mince pies etc etc), Morrisons value peanuts for me

I never trust buffets to have much for me though, and pack a gf pasta salad or similar to eat in the car before or after.

If you want a sandwich, try gf pitta bread - it makes a lovely sandwich, not much different from the real stuff

If you have access to a microwave at work, why not take leftovers to make lunch more interesting ? Or mostly cook a jacket potato at home, then it only needs a couple of minutes in the work microwave. Thai rice noodles cook in 3 mins in kettle boiled water, then you can add cottage cheese/tuna mayo/chicken mayo (those pots of deli sandwich fillers are really useful)

If you struggle to make yourself a packed lunch for work I am not sure why you think other people would find it easy. Why don't you take salads? Is there really nothing you can eat at these buffets?
I am not sure you are being unreasonable to expect your family to make an effort but it doesn't sound like you yourself make much of an effort.

Onepieceofcremeegg - Crimbles are fab! Fattening but fab, even DS likes them, and i think we go to the same parties - my mum can;t see past vol au vents. might ask if they could pop in a baked potato though I'm shy as a rule and don't want to put people out, so would be nervous of asking.

Gracie123, if you provide salads and fruit and cold meats, your cousin would have no reason to complain.

I guess it's a case of just accepting that i do need to bring my own food (and thanks for the suggestions). I had a miserable weekend that it got me down a bit. But, stawberry meringues await me this weekend, so I think the (normal weight-losing, in vain, diet) will be ditched.

Thanks for your replies. I feel better about things.

Librabiscuits - I make an effort in my own diet in that i make most of our meals from scratch (and nothing too fancy) and always check labels. I eat a lot of fruit and even check the crips are GF. I'm not asking for a personal buffet but I tale your point that maybe family wouldn't know what to provide. However, a token geusture would be appreciated, however small, as I do make an effort in other areas for other people. That;s probably what bugs me more than the lack of GF food.

polly, jacket potatoes are quite cheap and easy to get hold of. If you don't feel able to ask them to cook you one, why not say that you have bought one or two potatoes with you and you will just pop them in the oven/microwave. Wrap in foil in the oven if it is already full of pasties/pies/pizzas!

Your thread has made me more appreciative of my mum (i.e dh's mil) he is literally fed like a king at her home, and comes home with goodie bags of home baked goods.

If you live in the South West let me know and I am sure my mother would invite you round.

I'm a ceoliac, though not officially diagnosed because I came off wheat to see what would happen and it was so amazing I won't go back on to wheat just to be tested to prove what I know...

In my experience, people forget, think you're being faddy and have absolutely no clue about the symptoms. The other day I had some Tesco low fat/sugar ketchup and later on had the most outrageous cramps and wind followed by headaches the next day. My 8 year old read the label the next day just by chance and she worked out what had happened!

I find I have to be graphic in my explanation as to why I can't have that biscuit, thank you very much! People find it really hard to remember because wheat is all over the place, and such a massive part of a normal diet.

You get used to it, I'm on a diet at the moment and that makes me even harder to feed!

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.