To expect family members to remember I'm a coeliac when planning their buffets?

[pollykettlechips]

I'm probably being selfish and self-centred, but after this weekend at a Christening and a birthday where i had nothing to eat but a crappy GF sandwich and choc muffin that i brought along myself, I'm beginning to get really pissed off.

I was diagnosed over a year ago and since then there have been lots of family events, all of which I try to take with me something I can eat. Not once has there been even a token attempt to provide any GF food - even a couple of GF digestives would do the trick, at least i would appreciate the effort.

The consensus seems to be 'So? Bring your own?'. There's another birthday this weekend, on DH's side which is a long drive to get there, a long drive back, and I'm not sure i want to make the effort to just be hungry (Glutafin bread is awful but better than the others I've tried, so I only take a couple, along with a few biscuits - no wonder i'm piling on the pounds)

I know GF food is expensive and I'm not asking for my own personal buffet, and I know that the hosts have more important things to think about that my diet, but my DH and I ARE very considerete people and would without a doubt make the effort (and have done with other issues). But when my own sister can't be bothered, well I guess I'm just annoyed that as a considerate and thoughtful person, I seem to be always overlooked.

What to other coelics do at other people's buffets?

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

To be honest i always take my own gf food with me, if there is already some there then great, if not then im sorted. Its a pain but then i foot want to give others extra work though i do always make sure i cater for everyone when i organise food for parties etc.

my db is coeliac and, tbh, I'm suprised that your family buffets don't include suitable food by accident, iyswim. ie vegetable salads of various sorts, cheese, cold meat. If we're having a meal involving bread (eg a salady-buffet) my brother brings gm free bread or biscuits with him when he comes to me or my mum's - mainly because they're so varied in quality that he'd prefer to just bring his favourites. in his (or your) shoes I'd do the same. and hope the buffet/salad stuff had something I could eat with my bread.

I tend to cook a proper meal and because I'm not doing it day-in day-out I don;t find it hard to think of something that's gluten free. I keep corn flour in so I can make a cheese sauce or gravy. last time he came I did a roast - totally easy to be gf. I did umm and ahh about whether it was fair to do yorkshire puddings that he couldn;t have but decided he's not the type to expect others to do without.

I think if I were you I'd phone a few days before and ask what they're planning "so that I can bring something if needs be". that way you'll prompt them to think about it, open up a conversation about what you can and can't eat, and if they're not the accomodating type you can at least be prepared.

Sorry about multiple posts, MNing from phone last night and it all went a bit haywire!

oh YANBU - I sympathise

I am wheat intolerant, have been on gluten free diet for YEARS...

My family have only just realised that NOT ALL MEALS HAVE TO INVOLVE BREAD OR PASTA

until very recently they were making soup/caseroley things and putting pasta in them (why?) then giving me a bowl and saying 'you can just pick it out'... But i used to do it! And then feel ill and moan about it - not going to achieve anything.

I think you need to be more explicit - give everyone a list of what you can and cant eat, or call beforehand amd ask whats there - the more you tell them the more likely they are to one day have a brainwave and boil some rice!

For packed lunch - gluten free pancakes are great you can use them like a wrap and put whatever you want in them.

Recipe (makes 2 big or 4 small):

1 and a half ounces ground rice
half ounce cornflour
pinch salt
1 egg
quarter pint of milk

mix the ground rice and flour and salt together, then beat in the egg.

Add the milk gradually till its thin cream consistency

Fry in sunflower oil!

Takes minutes to mix and make and you can keep them in fridge if you want.

The mixture does settle though so stir thoroughly before each pancake

You're not being selfish and self-centred at all polly, but you probably need to lower your expectations of other people a bit ... I'm not cynical, really I'm not

Those pancakes sound yummy

I think yabu really. My mil is a Coeliac sufferer and doesn't usually eat here much but my dc's have a joint family birthday party because their birthdays are only four days apart and I don't buy special food just for her.In fairness, there is usually salad and rice, cold meats etc but if it's my children's birthday party I do all the crappy sausage rolls, pizza, quiche type junk that they like because it's their party! If she can't eat what they're having then she can bring her own!
She has occasionally come for Sunday lunch or tea and of course then I make sure that everything is suitable for her but in a party situation where you have a houseful of people and enough stress to last a year, I don't think it's unreasonable to take your own food.
I know if me or my dc's had allergies then I certainly wouldn't expect someone to provide special party food for me.

But surely, if someone is doing a range of foods for a party, it isn't asking too much for some of those foods to be suitable for someone who can't eat gluten, helsbels4? Even at a kids party, you could put out some fresh fruit such as grapes or strawberries, and kids would love meringues too, I think, plus it's not hard to put out some salady bits and cold meat or cheese. You can buy rice salad if you haven't got time to make some or shove a couple of potatoes in the oven. Cold chicken drumsticks will go down well with most people too.

When I had kids parties, I expected that the mums would want to have a nibble from the buffet too, and I made sure there were some things there to appeal to the adults.

None of that seems like hard work to me, and I see it as my job as hostess to ensure that everyone I'm feeding can go home feeling satisfied.

Wrt the OP lowering her expectations, MummyDragon - at the moment it seems as if her family and her dh's family make no effort at all to provide anything she can eat and she has to take her own food each time - I'm not sure they could do any less than they are already doing, so I don't see how she could make her expectations any lower!

If you invige someone with allergies for a meal at your house, isn't it reasonable for them to expect that you'll make at least some effort to cater for them?

Thanks for all your posts - (that pankcake recipe sounds really nice).

I think at a kids party, the food is there for both the kids and the adults, especially as there is always a joke about certain male relatives being uber greedy and akways making it to the front of the queue, but I guess rice and salads might not be quite what kids want to eat at a party. And when I'm talking about family, i mean my parents and siblings, the people who should be expected to remember, if not care, but the attitude of 'tough' upsets me.

DH's side don;t know much about it which is fair emough as I don't see them often enough, so i will be more gracious and bring something along, though IIRC, they do have swankier buffets than my side and yes, they do have cold meats so I will bring some GF crusty rolls and pop them in the oven when I get there.

I would never expect to be catered for at a party where I wasn't an immediate family member (i.e. DH auntie's 60th).

I might make more of an effort and bring a proper pasta dish with me. I generally only remember as I'm rushing out the door and so only have the time to put together a sandwich. Some forward planning is required I think .

Stayingsunnygirl as I said in my post (not sure you actually read it?) I do also have salad, rice and cold meats etc alongside the pastry/treat type foods, so I think that is making enough effort to cater for other needs/tastes without compromising the fact that it is a children's party.

I'm coelic and always take my own food to things like that
It really isn't very difficult to bring along gluten free bits and I'd much rather do that than expect them to do a separate buffet for me. If the worst comes to the worst, you can always pick out the fillings/pick around the bread (although you'll get some funny looks!)
It is a fairly unusual condition, and knowing what you can and can't eat is difficult enough when you've got it, let alone just heard that someone in your extended family has got it
I think YABabitU to expect everyone else to take as much interst in your eating as you do, especially when catering for events is stressful enough already!
I did go a family funeral recently and at the wake, there was a plate of sandwiches marked 'gluten free', so I tucked in, only for someone else to come storming over and tell me off, saying those were for her as she was coelic, so you can't win really!

I've been gluten intolerant for years. When I entertain I'm so used to not using pasta, pastry etc I manage perfectly generous amounts of delicious foods that are gluten free.
Of course I would put out bread with cheeses but no one ever worries that the food is gluten free or even mentions it.
There is so much you can eat.

BUT absolutely agree with the whole buffet thing that is always bread/pastry heavy.
I tend to forget to take own food and just starve and have to stop for something on way home which isn't always easy as most coffee places sell sandwiches/wraps etc...
But I can usually find a banana to keep me going.

polly, I am wheat-intolerant and most of my family could not get their heads around this at all. for e.g. my Mum used to say:
will you have a biscuit?
no thanks Mum, I don't eat wheat
oh yes... what about a piece of cake?
no thanks Mum, I don't eat wheat, remember?
oh, that's right... a sandwich then?
ARGH!

I limit a few other foods as well - I don't eat chicken, pork or tomatoes as they all cause IBS/sickness/acid reflux problems. I tell this to people and they look horrified - "well, what on earth DO you eat then??"
err, well, there's whole range of other foods like fish, beef, lamb, vegetables, rice, potatoes... It's not THAT HARD to work it out!!

So, no, YANBU. At my sis's DDs' birthday parties I usually get a token bowl of carrot sticks and one of lettuce - if I'm lucky, there will be sliced cucumber too, other than that the only thing I can eat is the cheese and pineapple sticks.

EDUCATE them though - send them emails or laminated lists of foods you CAN eat.

And by the way, have you tried Ener-G bread? It's GF, the one with flax seed is quite light but dry - good for toast though; and the one I get for DS is soft and light and good for sandwiches too. Both can be found in good brances of Waitrose (and apparently some Tesco but I've never seen it there) - be careful not to pick up the rice loaf that feels like a brick though!

Helsbels, I promise you I did read your post, but I clearly misunderstood it. You seemed to be saying that there might be nothing your MIL could eat at your children's party. Sometimes, when you know exactly what you are saying, it isn't easy to see that what you've written can be read a different way.

that's interesting, wasabipeas, that you say it is a fairly unusual condition - there is current evidence to suggest that 1% (and maybe more) of the population has coeliacs, and there are more who have wheat intolerance. So, yes, it't not the majority of people of course, but it's not that unusual these days either.

Coeliacs disease can take a while to diagnose when people aren't extreme sufferers - some people don't get diagnosed until they are adults because of this, and because there is a range of symptoms associated with it.

I can see what you mean Stayingsunnygirl.

Whew. Friends?

Oh yeah and if you halve the milk, add a pinch bicarb, some raisins and some vanilla you've got little drop scone things, mmm. everyone eats them in our house.

also, get a breadmaker, and eat a hefty gf porridge/toast breakfast every day so that if you have no available carbs for meals out it isn't so awful.

Polly - I don't thing YABU. As you say, if it wasn't a direct family 'do' then fair enough, it might difficult for people to remember - but when it's your own sister, that is a bit much!

If I invited you to my house for a celebration it would be my pleasure to make sure there was something nice you could eat. As my guest I wouldn't expect you to bring your own lunch!

DD's best friend is a coeliac and at birthday parties I always make sure she can eat almost everything. It's really not that hard.

I am vegetarian and my family are really good about catered events but sometimes it irks me when their plates are piled high with all the meaty goods and then they descend on the one veggie dish too, so often there is not much left for me! I know it's a choice rather than a health issue that means I won't eat the meat, but it's still a bit 'ho hum, guess I'll just have the bread then...'

Best bet is to have a huge 'do' yourself, cater it all gluten free and win people over. They might be inspired next time they are hosting you!

nphere i always check if dc have new friend back incase of allergies but then i do have couple of dc of own with allergies so used to catering for it

think
not 'thing'
obviously.