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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I tell my boyfriend the real reason I don't want a baby with him?

89 replies

merryalice · 11/05/2009 14:56

I have been with my boyfriend six years and he tries to encourage me to have his baby. He has no children, I have one. I have told him I do not want to start again having kids at my age - 40 - when I already have a teenage girl.
However, I am not adverse to the idea in itself, but I don't want a baby with him.
There is one simple reason - I don't want a ginger haired kid and I don't want a boy.
The chances of having a boy would be high - he is one of three brothers, his brothers have boys. They are all ginger. My boyfriend is the best looking of the brothers, the others are quite neanderthal looking although intelligent. Their kids are real odd looking and I just don't want to run the risk of having a kid who looks like them.
Should I tell him this? I have already said that if he really wants to have children he needs to think about moving on from our relationship.
Plus the thought of being tied to my boyfriend in this way for life is not what I want. I think I have had too good an example set with my girl, she is beautiful and intelligent and my relationship with her father is a great friendship which I will keep for life and I am pleased with it all as a whole. I also worry about not being able to love a new child as much as my girl -so perhaps the ginger thing is an excuse?
Any thoughts anyone?

OP posts:

marymungoandmidge · 12/05/2009 15:16

Move on dear: you clearly have not got high aspirations for this relationship so its only fair to let him down gently and move on (suggest you don't mention your 'real reasons!).What were you doing with him in the first place if you feel like this though?

FairLadyRantALot · 12/05/2009 15:17

well apart from all the other issues the OP flags up...I think, if you don't want to tie yourself in such way with your boyfriend (and do 40 year old women refer to boyfriends, rather than partners?), well, than you know it is time to leave, because you know the answer....especially as you say you are not generally adverse to the idea of another Baby really....

Gracie123 · 12/05/2009 15:17

PMSL chubby!

Katisha · 12/05/2009 16:00

Isn't it great that people think being "funny" about red hair is acceptable. (Even when trolling). I could cry for my gorgeous sweet red-headed DS I really could - he's going to have to put up with a lifetime of this.

marymungoandmidge · 12/05/2009 16:50

Katisha - I think red hair is lovely and wouldn't mind a little redhead myself! I think people who make jibes are just lacking in originality...I have friends with redheaded girls and they are gorgeous, and a friend with a little boy with coppery red hair...people are always stopping her to say how lovely the boys hair is...

Gracie123 · 12/05/2009 17:33

Katisha - my hubby has red hair and I have to admit I was slightly disappointed that my DS is blonde. Red hair is beautiful!

wolfnipplechips · 12/05/2009 18:54

My ds has red hair and he is a complete heartbreaker. I still can't believe the amount of people who feel that they have the right to comment about it in a negative way, mostly saying he'll probably grow out of it . I hope he doesn't its beautiful, dbil calls it african sunset which i love.

So OP are you saying your scraping the bottom ff the barrel in terms of dps, that must be hard.

Eve4Walle · 12/05/2009 19:37

I find this really offensive, being the mother of a gorgeous red-headed baby boy, who steals the heart of everyone he meets and wears his hair long, curly and wild, as nature intended and as a 'sod you' to anyone who dares comment on it.

Now fark off you sad troll and get back to your homework.

valleysprincess · 12/05/2009 19:51

hehe@ this thread. No I think your worries are normal (apart from the ginger bit as gingers are cute). I think though that you sld let him find a new partner though.

jellybeans · 12/05/2009 19:57

Not worth answering OP but just wanted to say ginger haired babies/kids are gorgeous. I couldn't slag off a child in any case, they all are cute in their own way.

FairLadyRantALot · 12/05/2009 20:10

oh, and I agree with ginger being a gorgous haircolour, I know several very gorgeous Kids with beautyful ginger hair, and all the girls I know seem to have copper coloured curls...and could play Annie anytime

Went out with a ginger haired lad many years ago (was my Boyfriend pre dh (so many years ago)....and he was very hunky, gorgeous body and generally good looking...sadly we weren't compatable in what we wanted from life, etc...otherwise, who knows my 3 might have been ginger, too

TiggyR · 13/05/2009 16:58

I'd kill for red hair and I'd not be remotely disappointed if any of my children had had it. My nephew does and it's beautiful.
Take heart parents of little reddies, although many children will tease redheads it isn't always done in spite or cruelty - it's just because of the novelty factor and the fact that they are so eye-catching.

Anyone who chooses to show themselves up by genuinely spiteful bullying or prejudice on account of hair colour would pick on anyone for anything, just because they are sad and nasty little individuals. Teach your little reddies to be loud and proud gingers and to have a sense of humour about it, and call themselves 'the special one' or the chosen one' and if the small-minded twats don't sense a vulnerable streak they'll be wasting their energy.

BTW, don't assume that because a parent is redheaded that the children will be. It often skips generations and it's very common for a combination of blonde and dark parents to make ginger babies - so anyone anti-ginger out there, be careful what you say - it could be your baby next, and how would you feel for your child, knowing what you've said about others?!

notwavingjustironing · 13/05/2009 17:01

The OP has probably gone back to its GCSE revision.

Roosterbang · 27/10/2024 18:38

I'm a red head man and I had a partner for 15 years and all I ever got told was how ugly I am cause I had red hair it got to the point that I couldn't look at my self I hate myself I tried to kill myself I also no one would ever have a kid with me I never had a dad he killed himself when I was 3 and I'll never be a father I'm 51 now and my excuse is I s a y the world is no good anyway for kids noone likes us so why would my mum have me for I hear my mates sometimes say something about he red head I give and do anything for people. I hate life and everyone why have and hate the fact I am who I am .so I say to myself I went and felt like hated life I never had a girlfriend in school I couldn't get a woman my age only older woman with grown up kids she wouldn't have had kids back in her 20s with me noway and excuse was too old now for kids plus I never would want to say anything or want him to hear all the red headshit

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