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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset over being un invited to a wedding because someone i've never spoken to has decided she hates me?

97 replies

Mamazon · 11/05/2009 09:09

My friend is getting married in Vegas so they are throwing a big wedding party when they return for the people who couldn't attend the actual wedding.

I was invited to this reception.

I have just received a message on facebook! saying

hi hun how are u? well i dont really no how to put this but basically xxx wont come to the reception if u go so im really sorry to have to ask u not to come, i feel really bad i didnt even no things were that bad between u, i hope u understand that this is nothing to do with me and i would of loved for u to of come, sorry xx

Now admitedly the person in question is the grooms cousin so i could understand her predicament BUT i have never even had a conversation with this woman. I have only even spoken to her when she has been with other friends and i've said something like hi or sorry for brushing past or whatever. literally no more than 2 words.
and this is because i have picked up on the fact that she didn't seem too welcoming.

TBH if it were me i would tell this woman ( who is widely known as a vile drunk) to grow up and stop being pathetic. but i fear they have done this because they know she will be drunk and will undoubtedly cause a scene.

I am a lot more upset than i care to admit in RL.

OP posts:
Greensneeze · 11/05/2009 09:35

oops bloody thing

lucky1979 · 11/05/2009 09:37

I think if she can't even be bothered to ask why this cousin thinks you shouldn't be invited but just takes it at her word not to invite you then either there is something else going on and she isn't actually telling the truth, or she's really not a good friend.

If there are a lot of other people who you were planning to see I'd drop them a text and say you're really sad you won't be able to see them, you've been disinvited, but you've and hopefully you can meet up soon, then leave it to the bride to explain why she's not invited you. You might find out then if there is something else going on, and if nothing else you'll give her a few uncomfortable moments!

helsbels4 · 11/05/2009 09:39

I'm afraid she doesn't sound like any sort of friend I would like to have.
What sort of a friend would univite their friend just because some loon said so - without even asking why???!!!!
I would stay really aloof and ignore her completely but there again, I hold grudges

smugmumofboys · 11/05/2009 09:40

I would be hopping mad.

Phone your 'friend' and tell her what's what. It's bad enough that she's univited you, but to do it in such a naff way - a feckin barely literate, textspeak fb message - is frankly, gobsmacking. Tell her you won't be attending the hen night either, wish her a lovely evening , wedding in Vegas and party and hang up.

lucky1979 · 11/05/2009 09:40

Urk, garbled message - too early in the morning! Meant to say "you've been disinvited, and hopefully you can meet up soon", not sure where the other bit came from!

Original poster
Mamazon · 11/05/2009 09:41

so do i. i very nearly delted her from facebook just to be a bit spitefull.
until i realised she probably wouldn't notice anyway

OP posts:
Niecie · 11/05/2009 09:42

That's horrible for you!

Sounds like the cousin has got the wrong end of the stick about you if you really haven't spoken. Perhaps she thinks you are somebody else or somebody has attributed something to you that you just haven't said?

Either way, whether there has been some misunderstanding or not on the part of the cousin, I am a bit at the bride saying it has nothing to do with her. It is her party. She should have made a small effort to get to the bottom of it before she uninvites you rather than saying it has nothing to do with her.

So no, she isn't much of a friend which is sad for you.

Look on the bright side - think of the money you will save on a new outfit, presents and the hen night. Treat yourself to something with the proceeds!

Nancy66 · 11/05/2009 09:43

Sounds like you are best off out of it - all very childish and attention seeking.

I understand that you are upset, of course, but don't get dragged into it.

Stay away but offer to pay for English lessons for your friend as a wedding gift.

Upwind · 11/05/2009 09:44

YANBU

let her know you are hurt, otherwise it will eat you up

the bride is not a real friend

Lizzylou · 11/05/2009 09:45

Definitely do as Greeny suggests.

From the bride's point of view (am not condoning her at all), she is probably very stressed with arranging wedding/party etc and is taking the path of least resistance.

Email her and express your disappointment and hurt as calmly as possible, she isn't acting like much of a friend at the moment, but there could be more to it than you know.

YANBU to be upset, I would be too.

ruddynorah · 11/05/2009 09:50

how awful. i wouldn't want to go to someone's wedding who could be so bloody rude. why on earth didn't she say to the cousin 'well i don't want to get involved and you shouldn't involve me. so sort it out yourself if it's such a problem. i want you both at my wedding.' fgs.

NormaSknockers · 11/05/2009 09:51

YANBU, I would be very hurt too.

I'm sorry but she doesn't sound like any sort of friend.

If someone had given me an ultimatum like that I would have told them not to come not you!

Agree with Green!

kitbit · 11/05/2009 10:00

I have an aunt who started throwing her weight about and making demands before our wedding. She was told in no uncertain terms that if she carried on she would be the one not coming.

It's rubbish that this has happened, but maybe there are other factors you don't know about? For me it was clear cut, aunt makes fuss=aunt sits on naughty step. However other family pressures might have made her decide in favour of the stropstress and maybe she feels so bad about it that she couldn't face telling you.

But ARGH I hate Facebook and texting, just bloody pick up the phone and don't wimp out! So bloody impersonal for you

Galava · 11/05/2009 10:08

How Horrible for you. I would feel really hurt too ... its like a real thump in the stomach isnt it.

I also agree with what Greensneezes said. Its much easier to clear the air now otherwise I guarentee you wont want to do it in the future.

I can understand that the bride is under some stress ... But REALLY ?

She is being completely bonkers and unreasonable.

Sorry youu are going through this .

NoseyHelen · 11/05/2009 11:00

I hope you won't be bothering to order from the wedding list...

branflake81 · 11/05/2009 11:23

I am horrified that grown adults can behave so immaturely. Seriously - WTF?!

a) why does this woman have a problem with you when you've never even spoken?

b) even if she did find you unfriendly, how can she possibly have so much animosity towards you that she would ask for you not to be invited?

c) why didn't the bride tell this woman she is being completely unreasonable?

d) why did the bride univite you via facebook and not talk to you face to face

( and e) why can't the bride write in proper English?)

I would be really fucked off with the bride, clearly not as good a friend as you thought.

MrsMattie · 11/05/2009 11:25

YANBU. Your 'friend' can't be a very good friend, to be honest. And the other woman sounds loop-the-bloody-loop.

Original poster
Mamazon · 11/05/2009 11:28

I have felt for a while that this woman didn't like me but i just thought i was being a bit paranod. how could she dislike me if we havent' spoken? i know im a bit loud but come on!

Im really quite annoyed by all of it really.

that this woman thought she should have the rright to dictate a guest list of someone elses wedding, that the bride has allowed her to do just that, that it was given so little thought, that the bride clearly didn't actually question the fact and that i was told in such a bloody careless manner

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 11/05/2009 11:31

She's jealous of your boobs my dear.

I hope it hasn't upset you too much, she's clearly not a good friend.

Original poster
Mamazon · 11/05/2009 11:32

ha haaa, she is actaully ratehr flat chested so you may be on to something

OP posts:
mrsboogie · 11/05/2009 11:33

you know the worst thing about this is the casual off-hand manner in which she has done it. She couldn't even be bothered finding out why this other mare doesn't want you there. Do her friends mean so little to her that she cannot be fecked with the inconvenience and instead drops someone by a message on Facebook? What a rude lazy arsed cow!

noddyholder · 11/05/2009 11:34

To be fair I think i would ban you from my wedding you sre gorgeous and would upstage them all.Sod them there are plenty more friends!

StealthPolarBear · 11/05/2009 11:35

yes, all of that.
Ask her if she can find out why this woman hates you as you are sure there must be a misunderstanding.
That said if the bride is willing to do this then she's maybe not a very good friend.

Original poster
Mamazon · 11/05/2009 11:38

indeed. i dont think i want to go now out of principle

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 11/05/2009 11:40

god yanbu at all!!!!
what bizarre behaviour on the part of the woman saying she won't go if you're there. she clearly has issues.

what woudl annoy me more was being told on frigging facebook though!!!!

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