very unhelpful things your other half can say whilst in labour

[benbon]

just wondering if anyone else's other halves have come out with very unhelpfull advice whilst you were in labour. aibu to think this was not very helpful?

after being in labour for about 6 hours at this point my husband told me "WELL YOU ARE DRAGGING IT OUT ABIT!"

so what helpful things did your partners say to you,.

[LoisWilkerson]

When in labour at home with first baby, DP thought it a good idea to watch Alien. Oh yes. Watching that creature rip John Hurt's guts open as it popped out of his stomach was a marvellous idea whilst at 5cms.

Prior to that, at the ante-natal class he was clearly confused by being told an early sign of labour could be 'a show'.
At which point he mouthed 'a show?' at me and gave me John Barrowman-esque jazz hands. He clearly expected me to perform an impromptu Chicago medley whilst giving birth.

Knob.

[Confuzzeled]

Dh had spent 30 mins leaning over the birthing pool, lifting me out when I had a contraction. DD was born, he stood up and nearly fainted, the midwife sat him down on a chair behind her. As I held my dd for the first time I heard him say "Don't worry, I'm alright, I just stood up too quickly".

[LovingtheSilverFox]

Am falling about, have even phoned my Mum to tell her some of these!

I also had a MW who didn't believe I needed to push with DD1. With DTs, both breach, kept being told by consultant (an absolute star as it happens) and her registrar (who hadn't had children) not too push until they said so. Errmm...yeah ok, that's easy! Kept climbing up the back of the bed to stop myself! The reg pointed out that I couldn't have the gas whilst they needed me to push as they needed the pushing to be "effective", I ripped the mouth piece off the tube as I needed something! She asked me very calmly to "calm down"! I don't think she fully appreciated what we were trying to achieve!

DH held my hand, and cried. So much for support!

[norksinmywaistband]

I had a slow labour, but was sick with every contraction, after 13 hours I gave in and had the epidural( I was 7 cm at this point) DH said well if your not in pain now, I'll just go home and shower as I have been up all night. Also exhausted obviously, I agreed he returned 3 hours later!!! Luckily he didn't miss anything but he didn't half get a mouthful from me

[GreenMonkies]

When I was in active labour at home with DD2, DP asked me where the sellotape was.

[pottycock]

Mine started singing 'little donkey'.

[Daffodilly]

These are brilliant.

With DD1 about 30 hours into labour DH asked "if you aren't using the bed do you mind if I have a rest, it's been a long night". Er, no kidding!

About an hour before DS2 was born when I was mooing through contractions and we were still at home, DH decided he would pop out to local deli to get a sandwich before we headed off to hospital "in case it is another long labour, oh and do you want me to get you something?" [Vom]

Then when we arrived at hospital and DS was crowning in the corridor with me screaming for some pain relief, DH asked midwife "shall I turn her TENS machine up a notch?" Um - I don't think that will cut it at this stage.

[Mummy2LZ]

Whilst on all fours giving birth to DD2 my DH informed me that " You dont look as good as the night I met you!!"

I wasnt paying much attention at the time as I was a bit distracted but asked him about it afterwards and havn't let him forget it.
He claims he was trying to distract me!!

Also during labour with DD1 he decided to cut the grass, Have a shower and the when I told him it was time to go he decided to get online to let his parents know we were off!

He is Australian though!! lol

[Theimperialcharliecat]

My DH decided to go out for a fag as I was-in his words 'having a right nice time with the gas and air' only to come back and have scrubs thrown at him as I had been rushed into theatre for an emergency c-section. he sauntered up to me saying 'bloody hell its like MASH in here'. Afterwards he said that he caught a glimpse of my insides as he went over to hold our DD and I looked 'just like a lasagne'

[LovelyDear]

Mine just pointed out how attractive the young midwife was.... i think he meant it as an observation and just didn't realise what he'd said...

[magentadreamer]

DD was born by EMCS. When all hell let lose her Dad was out of the room. On his return I wailed they're going to do a c section - he worked at the time in mental health and informed the midwife he didn't think I was sectionable and could he please talk to someone NOW!

[busterk]

I was induced, DH was told to go home as it would be a while. When they phoned him during the night to say I was being moved to the delivery room he cancelled the call.
When he got to hospital the MW said they would get him a coffee.
I asked for an epidural and my DH said 'Already! can you not last a bit longer!'
Some complications with epidural and labour, ended up with an emergncy c section.
Eventually back in ward and DH says 'i never did get that coffee'

[ruthosaurus]

DH was largely incredibly supportive and fabulous but was brought up with "family hold back" as a maxim. So when I said "Ask them if the birth pool is free" after 10 hours of labour he said "Are you sure? Someone else might need it more". I appreciated the selflessness but it wasn't his own self he was being selfless for...

While having his hand grabbed as having horrible double contractions as I was being fitted up for surgical stockings before an emergency c-sec that never happened, after a 2 hour second stage that went wrong when DS decided to look over his shoulder for a last view of the old homestead before leaving for planet Earth, "Ow, that hurts". I evilly replied, "Oh, does it? Good" and squeezed just a little bit harder... He shut up.

[benbon]

this is my best thread, it actually got more then 5 replies lol

[lilyfire]

During my homebirth with DS3, when I was at the 'can't speak during contractions, so much pain, why am I doing this again?' stage, DP wanders in with some mince he'd found in the fridge and asked me if it was past it's use by date.

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

pmsl at: '... look over his shoulder for a last view of the old homestead before leaving for planet Earth...'

[LovingtheSilverFox]

Having nearly wet myself, several times, I really do need the loo now, I am starting to wonder whether the ol' days when men sat waiting in a small room with other men, wasn't a better idea.

[womblingfree]

Was induced 2 weeks late and had agonising contractions for about 8 hours before I started to dilate.

At one point DH told me off for keeping hold of the entonox tube all the time as I 'didn't need it in between contractions'

I suspect a fair few people outside our room may have heard me scream 'There is no f**king in between"!!!

[Aefondkiss]

just after ds was born, he was on the phone to his mother "....yeah it was much easier this time..."

he also went off to eat whilst I was in labour with dd, then when she was born, he ate the toast and drank the tea the mw brought, whilst I was too weak to move... I hadn't eaten since we had left home.

[ChocFudgeCake]

I was crying and having a contraction when the MW came again to ask if I wanted some pain relief, DH answered "We don't need it, thank you" . Then I snapped at him and he was very offended "There is no need to be rude" he said.

[JoyS]

DH would like you all to know he played many a chess tournament in Nuneaton in his wild youth.

[midlandsmumof4]

Yep-'god let go my hand-that HURTS'. Along with.......OHH, the bed's collasped-should I tell someone .

[TeaOneSugar]

The mw kept telling me "the heads just coming around the corner"!!!! over and over again.

Apparently when she asked me if I wanted to feel the head I said "I can feel the f**cking head thanks.." I don't usually swear so she must have really been annoying me by then.

My DH when asked for a cup of tea said "there's no milk left....", a few comments from me and he rapidly went in search.

His classic comment on the delivery was (through tears) "We're not having any more I can't go through that again".

[mrsleroyjethrogibbs]

seriously these are hilarious.
My dh went with the 'ouch you are hurting my hand a bit'....>REALLY???!!!

Then it was the 'urgh this chair is uncomfy'

and then

'its right what they say, they do go a bit loopy after 6 bottles of gas and air'
I could have clocked him for that one. Seriously I would have throttled him had he been within arms reach.

I did feel for the consultant when she told me to push. I distincly remember saying, 'I am fucking pushing'. I did apologise afterwards for being such a cow. DH said that he could see fingernail marks from where I dug my nails into her arm

[usedtoreadbooks]

Haven't read the whole thread, so something similar might have already come up. But while me and DH were a bit giggly with nerves at being induced, MW said to me very fiercely - This is SERIOUS you know. Diabetes babies can DIE. We both lost it completely, kept saying it to each other to make each other laugh through the rest of proceedings (wasn't there a thread a while ago about inappropriate places to get uncontrollable giggles?). Lost our sense of humour 24 hours later in surgery. Thankfully DD was fine :-)