very unhelpful things your other half can say whilst in labour

[benbon]

just wondering if anyone else's other halves have come out with very unhelpfull advice whilst you were in labour. aibu to think this was not very helpful?

after being in labour for about 6 hours at this point my husband told me "WELL YOU ARE DRAGGING IT OUT ABIT!"

so what helpful things did your partners say to you,.

My parents visited me while I was in labour and merrily inhaling my gas and air with every contraction. My Dad told me to be careful with the G and A because it's 'not good for the environment'. I was fairly emphatic in my not caring... (although I feel I should point out that I do normally care about the environment).

DH was surprisingly pretty good.

DH is a guitar teacher and I cancelled most of his lessons before going in to be induced. After about 10 hours of labour he suddenly asked me if I had cancelled Fred Smith's lesson. He was aghast that I couldn't remember and as he left the room to go and phone the MW said to me "i would have told him to shove Fred Smith up his arse"

After commenting that the babies heartbeat on the monitor sounded like a galloping horse he helpfully said mid contraction "I hope its not a horse, imagine getting the head out". The MW thought this was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

When sat up on the bed with my legs dangleing ready for my epidural to be put in the mw asked for a stool (for me to but my feet on to steady myself) DH thought they were asking him if he wanted a stool & said no thanks I'll stand & mw commented that she meant it for me not him & his comfort was not in question.

"Can you just hold on while I get my breakfast". I kid you not!

"His classic comment on the delivery was (through tears) "We're not having any more I can't go through that again". "

I'm not defending these idiots men at all, but I had several long conversations with DP and my mum when we were planning DD2's homebirth. Bearing in mind that DD1's birth was a long drawn out labour culminating in a stressful ventouse delivery which left both DP and I traumatised. We talked about the whole experience, how it had made us both feel, and what I we really wanted our HB to be like. I wanted my mum to come up as I wanted a fall-back birth partner and she and I talked about what it is like to watch your loved one (be they parter/wife, sister or daughter) in labour. She pointed out that even though she had birthed 3 babies and knew what it was like, it made her feel very helpless and useless when she was with me whilst I was in labour the first time.

I am a very competant, strong, confident, "in-control" person 99% of the time, and for DP to see me exhausted and struggling after 48+ of contractions and no sleep, losing control of the situation and finally caving in to the bullying of the MW/Dr and being put into stirrups etc must have left him feeling completely disorientated.(the MW got DP to lift one of my legs into a stirrup, which he did even though he knew I shouldn't be positioned like that, and I'm sure it made him feel awful to be doing that to me as I lay on my back feebley saying "no, no, I'm not supposed to push in stirrups, read my notes...." but he did it because he was stressed and tired and assumed the MW/Dr knew what was ok or not). He was in floods of tears as DD1 was born (I was spitting nails because they were ignoring me and doing all the things my birth plan stated they shouldn't do!) and I mean sobs and tears, very, very over-whelmed.

What I am trying to say here is that for some birth partners watching thier loved one grunting, screaming, mooing, swearing and generally working very hard (and possibley behaving totally put of character) and to be unable to do anything constructive to help can be seriously difficult. Add to it the fear that is always there for the well-being of mother and baby, and I'm not surprised some men feel they can't go through it again! Wimps!!

Not so much during labour, when DP was great. But when I was being stitched up afterwards, he asked the MW to put in an extra stitch "just for him" because I was looking a bit "loose" down there...!

not DP - MW. When I was starting to get a bit fed up with it all I asked her " can't you just pull her out??", to which she replied "No, sorry the ears aren't out yet, I've got nothing to hold on to.."

Theimperialcharliecat yours win !

Have just told DH I forgot to give him a Nobel prize for his work with DS1 having read all these.

Do you think we could have a Tena icon at the beginning of threads where you are likely to wet yourself with laughter, that woudl be ever so helpful.....

Ah Damon my dh is a peach really, just doesn't possess an ounce of tact the poor love

"Breathe!"

I told him that I was bloody breathing and he'd know when I stopped cos I'd turn blue and stop moving.

Not quite fully dilated after four hours of back to back labour - 'Never mind darling, the worst bit is nearly over'.
To which an outraged screech of 'How the FUCK would you know' was the only possible response.

Me in initial stages of labour, hubby trying to time my contractions. Right when I am in the middle of nice big one, he asked "so how many minutes ago did the last one happen?" So what exactly was he doing sitting there! He's not going to live that down for a long long time!

I have a heart condition, and so immediately after giving birth to DS2 I had to be rushed to the cardiac unit.

DH followed behind telling me helpfully: 'I don't want you to worry about anything. We have insurance. If you DO die, the mortgage will be paid off... in fact, we may be better off financially.'

I only bring it up about once a day.

By the way, I am actually FROM Nuneaton, although have escaped. And no one ever gets off there.

I went into labour on the Thursday night with our DS. Went into hospital on the Friday morning, only for everything to slow down (contraction every 10 mins) and for me to be sent home at lunchtime. When we got home I went to have a bath. DH decided this was the appropriate moment to mow the lawn. When I pointed out that I might get into difficulties in the bath, he suggested that I take the phone in there and he would have the mobile out in the garden. I then pointed out that the mobile reception is notoriously useless round here. He told me that if I needed him I could throw a towel out of the window as a signal...

DS held off until Sat lunchtime after a full 38 hours of labour...

not so much what he sai but what he didn't do. For both dd's he fell asleep while helping me out timing contraction. First time I was [shocked] as you can imagine and upset. I woke him up that I was 5cm dilated saying 'are you coming with me or shall I see you later?'.

second time I didn't mind - was a bit of a dejavu tbh.

Dh ate my sandwiches 10 mins before I started to push.

LAL123 pmsl about the ears!!

greenmonkies ITA my dh was in tears afterwards because he found it so difficult to see me in such pain for so long. He told me that if DS hadnt arrived asap he was going to go and speak to the dr again as he was sure there was something wrong

'Oh stop nagging me. Even if you are in labour, it'll be hours yet before anything happens.' To be fair, we'd had a 31 hour epic first time round, so we hadn't expected anything to happen quickly. But by this point I was having contractions every couple of minutes, and I really did want a sense of urgency to emerge so I could get to the hospital ... had a 4 1/2 hour labour second time round, a large chunk of which was spent giving my son his tea, reading him his bedtime story in between contractions and arranging the babysitter, while dp put his feet up on the sofa!!

My DP was pretty fantastic - but when they put baby girl on my chest after she was born he collapsed on the floor crying hysterically and I had a panic that he was going to get stuck like that forever and would be a useless dad! (They were happy tears)

I actually barely remember my labour but I do remember the pushing stage I was pretty vocal during each attempt and my MW felt the need to tell me that making all that noise would just tire me out! Erm, you try pushing a melon sized head out of your bits in a calm and quiet manner! Think I was too shocked to say anything though.

I also asked if they could just pull her out. I don't think they were very impressed.

Oh no hang on, I now remember when he complained that when I bit his shoulder during a contraction that it hurt, and telling me I wasn't really in labour a few minutes before my waters broke!

Dh was in the bath when my waters broke. I was downstairs sitting on the new 3 piece suite when I felt like something was about to happen. I moved onto the floor and heard an audible pop. My waters gushed onto the carpet.

I called up the stairs to inform dh what had happened and he said, full of concern of course, "oh god, you weren't sitting on the new settee where you?" Oh, I could feel the love!

He scuttled in with a bucket of soapy water and cloths and proceeded to mutter under his breath about cleaning the carpet, but completely forgetting to ask how I was.

Not other half; but midwife said:

'Don't worry, you're not the only woman in labour to have cried.

My confidence plumetted and I got totally paranoid that I was the ONLY woman giving birth to have ever burst into tears.

with ds2, about 20 minutes after a short but horrible labour while I was still being stitched up, dh announced he would be going home as he felt 'a bit under the weather'.

I had a hb for dd a couple of years later. I had been reading the hypnobirthing book after having had 2 previous ghastly hospital deliveries. dh doesn't go in for 'hypno-mumbo-jumbo' so about 10 seconds after dd arrived in a controlled and calm environment with no pain relief whatsoever, he just said "well that hypno thing didn't work, did it".

Whilst contracting on the sofa, he patted me on the head and said "here have a Jaffa cake".

What the hell was I supposed to do with a jaffa cake?