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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to put a notice on my gate saying 'no religious callers please'?

64 replies

chegirl · 09/05/2009 20:39

I have hesitated posting this thread. I am very torn but its an issue that has become quite upsetting.

Some background may help.

My DD died 3 years ago. She had luekemia for almost two years. She was the light of my life and I miss her more than I could ever explain. She was beautiful and brave and clever and thoughtful and just about the most extraordinary human being I have ever had the honour of knowing.

Because of her illness she had many, many, many blood transfusions. It was the first treatment she had and they kept her alive and ultimately allowed her to be at home when she died.

I am a blood donor and so very greatful to every single person who gives blood and platlets.

I am also a person who believes in tolerance, religious freedom, freedom of speech. I am fervently anti racist, anti anything that is bigoted or predjudice. I have bought my children up in this way and am proud of this. It is at the core of my beliefs.

BUT

We have a LOT of Jehovahs Witnesses in this area. They come round very regularly. They knock on my door and want to talk to me and my husband. I respect strong faiths and the way they put up with abuse etc but I find their views on blood transfusions deeply offensive and difficult. It genuinely upsets me a great deal to even think much about them. It has got worse the more I have spoken to a few JWs about it. I thought that if I understood more and did not rely on rumor and misunderstandings I may find it easier. I have had several discussions online and I am afraid it has made things worse. I have been told that I was wrong to allow my daughter to have BTs and pretty much a terrible mother. There was no argument - I should not have done what I did. She should not have done what she did etc.

If I did not have to face people with these views it would not be so much of an issue. But they come to the house at least once a week and I do NOT want to be rude or get upset. I do NOT want to have explain why I dont want to listen or talk to them. TBH, and I know this is wrong, I dont want to have to face them. There was also a pretty awful issue with SIL and niece but I dont want this to look like a attack on JWs. Its relevant in that OH has those feelings to deal with too.

It is pretty much against everything I believe to put something on my door that appears to be so predjudiced but I am seriously contemplating it. What do you think?

OP posts:
Thandeka · 09/05/2009 20:42

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and completely understand why you would want to do it. But I really am at a loss as to what to say as like you not being prejudiced is important to me.

What about something like "no cold callers" and geting an eyeglass or something so you can spy from behind the door and just not open it?

lilacclaire · 09/05/2009 20:42

Sorry for your loss.

I think you can contact them or tell them not to call at your house and you will be removed from their 'list'.

YANBU to put up a sign.

justaboutspringtime · 09/05/2009 20:42

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justaboutspringtime · 09/05/2009 20:43

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sherby · 09/05/2009 20:45

YANBU in the slightest bit.

I believe that you can contact the Kingdom Hall (I think that is right) and ask them to put you on a do not knock list.

We also have them calling very regularly and my atheist sticker on the door has not even deterred them.

And I am so sorry for your loss, I too give blood and stories like yours remind me why

pinkstarfish · 09/05/2009 20:48

I'm so sorry you lost your daughter

I strongly agree with you, after having a blood transfusion myself when I was very, very ill and at deaths door when I was 7. JWs used to call regularly at our old house and would often portray that my parents made a bad decision on my behalf by allowing me to have a blood transfusion which also used to deeply hurt and upset me. If they called again, I would politely say I was not interested and not let the conversation even start.

YANBU at all with the sign, it's your choice, your property, your house. By approaching people in their home I do firmly believe they should expect negativity at some point from people.

I'm sorry again about your daughter.

StayFrosty · 09/05/2009 20:49

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Yurtgirl · 09/05/2009 20:55

Sorry for your loss chegirl

Call the kingdom hall and ask to be removed from their list

Or do as my friend did and put a blood donors card in the front window - it seemed to work

sagacious · 09/05/2009 20:55

goodness no yanbu at all

sorry for your loss

Yurtgirl · 09/05/2009 20:57

Sorry if my comment sounds disrespectful to JWs- but cold callers at the door/telephone are driving me crazy

Im sure if you ask they will leave you alone.

Original poster
chegirl · 09/05/2009 20:57

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words.

I did not know you could contact Kingdom Hall and ask to be excluded.

I just worry that this could make things worse and we would be seen as a challenge. Its not that I think JWs would deliberately set out to hurt but I do know that they are passionate in their wish to convert. I have been targeted in the past and it all got very heated. I love a good debate and discussion and can hold my own but this subject is too hard.

Thank you for giving blood sherby.

OP posts:
Original poster
chegirl · 09/05/2009 20:59

Yurtgirl - that is a good idea! I could put a poster up. That surely would make my views very clear?

Oh and I forgot to at the thought of a 'no missionaries' sign.

OP posts:
Ewe · 09/05/2009 21:00

YANBU.

I would have one (if I didn't live in a flat where they can't physically knock) and I don't even have a good reason like you do.

I just feel it entirely inappropriate for people to come to my front door and try and ram religion down my throat... ANY religion. If I wish to find out more about being a JW/Christian/Muslim/Hindu/Buddhist/Scientologist I will do so under my own steam thankyouverymuch!

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/05/2009 21:06

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Yurtgirl · 09/05/2009 21:10

Personally I wouldnt bother to tell them WHY you dont want them to call on you - they dont need to know and giving them such info will give them some knowledge of you and reason to talk to you in the future

Just call and ask them to leave you alone, that will do the trick - your reasons are your business

hth

madlentileater · 09/05/2009 21:11

you poor thing, YANB at all U
It beats me how these people can go around upsetting people like you who have had such a terrible loss, really they don't deserve your thoughtfulness.
I'm afraid I would worry that being put on a list would be seen as a challenge. I'd think about the blood donor card, that would only target the JWs and other religious groups need not take offence.

Original poster
chegirl · 09/05/2009 21:18

I am giving blood next week. I will get a big poster whilst I am there. It will hopefully encourage new donors and hopefully deter JWs.

It may encourage JWs if they think I am in particular need of enlightenment. I suppose we will pretty soon find out.
If it does I will need to think again.

Its all a bit mad really.

OP posts:
ilovesprouts · 09/05/2009 21:18

no one ever reads the signs at house, we have we do not buy at the door/ please shut the gate ,as have a child whith gdd/sn and we have a road outside our house but nio takes any notice at all.

ilovesprouts · 09/05/2009 21:19

also sorry about your loss xx

FairLadyRantALot · 09/05/2009 21:20

chegirl, yanbu at all...
and hopefully getting yourself excluded from their list will stop them coming around...

had a look at your profile and saw a picture of your lovely girl, am sorry so sorry for your loss, and looking at her picture , I could see all that you said about her....

piscesmoon · 09/05/2009 21:21

I used to have a problem with them until I copied a friend and it works! Don't engage in any conversation at all. Open the door and just say (politely)"I'm sorry but I'm not interested" and close the door. They go away. Don't explain and don't give them chance to talk. Sometimes if I don't know who they are they have a few moments, but as soon as I realise I say my piece. The vital part is to close the door as you say your final word.

Yurtgirl · 09/05/2009 21:21

FWIW our local JWs know that I would be a challenge, they walk past and dont bother me at all

Swalec, powergen etc visit me often though!

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 21:21

Chegirl, I have looked at your DD's photo on your profile in the past when you referred to her in another thread. She is absolutely beautiful and I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like to accompany her through her illness and then have to let her go. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Like Ewe I very much HATE having any kind of religious discussion sprung on me unexpectedly, so do not hesitate to just say "thank you, but no thank you" when JW come calling - as they do, regularly. I am not rude to them, however I do not think it is unreasonable to chose when and with whom I want to find out more about other religions/cultures.

As to the "no BT" belief, well, they are entitled to their beliefs and you are entitled to yours. I do not think you of all people would need to in anyway defend your position on this one, and it certainly does not make you any kind of religious bigot!

BTW, I like the ideas re sign and blood donor poster in window - good PR for blood donation AND deters missionaries, in one fell swoop !

iamaLeafontheWind · 09/05/2009 21:24

Take it as a compliment that they think your soul is worth saving. That covers the 'respecting their views' bit. Then if they won't leave you alone the large blood donor poster should do the trick.

But I'm so sorry for your loss and your daughter looks so beautiful on your photos.

lou222 · 09/05/2009 21:35

aah chegirl she is gorgeous , so sorry you lost her.
my son had a blood transfusion at 3 weeks old, how someones religion could disagree with this is beyond comprehension.
i am sure if you ask them they will take you off their list. I have been taken off, I think because a friend of mine is a JW and must have told them there was no point.
i only know this because they come round regularly and never knock on my door.
I no longer see my friend so am just presuming this is what happened,
You don't need this anxiety every week so if the poster doesn't work then please contact Kingdom Hall.