To want to put a notice on my gate saying 'no religious callers please'?

[chegirl]

I have hesitated posting this thread. I am very torn but its an issue that has become quite upsetting.

Some background may help.

My DD died 3 years ago. She had luekemia for almost two years. She was the light of my life and I miss her more than I could ever explain. She was beautiful and brave and clever and thoughtful and just about the most extraordinary human being I have ever had the honour of knowing.

Because of her illness she had many, many, many blood transfusions. It was the first treatment she had and they kept her alive and ultimately allowed her to be at home when she died.

I am a blood donor and so very greatful to every single person who gives blood and platlets.

I am also a person who believes in tolerance, religious freedom, freedom of speech. I am fervently anti racist, anti anything that is bigoted or predjudice. I have bought my children up in this way and am proud of this. It is at the core of my beliefs.

BUT

We have a LOT of Jehovahs Witnesses in this area. They come round very regularly. They knock on my door and want to talk to me and my husband. I respect strong faiths and the way they put up with abuse etc but I find their views on blood transfusions deeply offensive and difficult. It genuinely upsets me a great deal to even think much about them. It has got worse the more I have spoken to a few JWs about it. I thought that if I understood more and did not rely on rumor and misunderstandings I may find it easier. I have had several discussions online and I am afraid it has made things worse. I have been told that I was wrong to allow my daughter to have BTs and pretty much a terrible mother. There was no argument - I should not have done what I did. She should not have done what she did etc.

If I did not have to face people with these views it would not be so much of an issue. But they come to the house at least once a week and I do NOT want to be rude or get upset. I do NOT want to have explain why I dont want to listen or talk to them. TBH, and I know this is wrong, I dont want to have to face them. There was also a pretty awful issue with SIL and niece but I dont want this to look like a attack on JWs. Its relevant in that OH has those feelings to deal with too.

It is pretty much against everything I believe to put something on my door that appears to be so predjudiced but I am seriously contemplating it. What do you think?

I have a blood donor car sticker in the window in my hall this seems to stop them coming here.

I get quite annoyed with JW's (I used to work with a load of them) I give blood regulary and my 33yr b-in-law died waiting for a heart donor and quite frankly their views make me

Sorry for your loss

Thanks again for all your comments. I know I boast about her but she really was something special.

I have tried the 'not interested' approach. I does work but it doesnt stop them coming back and thats the real problem.

Shortly after Billie died I came home to find several young (late teens) JWs sitting on my garden wall. It was like they were waiting for me to come home. It was odd. Do you think its possible they knew that she had died? I am trying not to sound like I think they are evil, more that they may see it as their duty to visit bereaved families or something.

I had several 'well meaning' religious types (different denominations) try and get to us in the hospital. None were invited by me. They were sent by various family and aquaintences. Odd that anyone would think I would want some stranger from a church that I do not go to turning up to talk about the iminent death of my child. One came whilst I had left Billie for a couple of hours (the only time I had done it) and flung holy water about the place and scared the daylights out of her. One was from a church I have real issues with. It is very evangelical and was the one that tried to do a exorsisim (sp) on Victoria Climbe. Feck of a BIL sent them round to see us, couldnt be arsed to visit himself mind you (too hard, too upsetting).

Oops am beginning to sound a bit loopy.

alternatively, you could come and live on our street...dd and ds managed to detain a couple of JWs for at least an hour last week, honestly, we had time to drive to the dump, they were still there when we got back, I reckon they will have got seriously fed up and gone home after that!
v public spirited my dcs

Chegirl, do it!

I left a note on the door for some JWs who once mistook my tolerance for interest.

It said something along the lines of "Having spoken to you over recent weeks I am completely satisfied that I do not need to hear any more, I respectfully request that you do not visit my family in future."

To my great surprise, they posted a note through the door saying that they fully understood, would remove my name from their calling list and wished me well for the future.

This is bound to be a raw subject for you at the moment as I know you've just passed through the anniversary of your daughter's death again. You are entitled to ask for privacy at home in any circumstances, so don't be hard on yourself.

Or try my late Grandad's favourite as he closed the door:

"I'm sorry, but we're all pedestrians in this household!"

chegirl, that is awful, especially the holy water incident....
believes are such a personal thing...and whilst people may only wasnted the best....it is very inconsiderate to do this at such a vulnurable time

I am gonna deffo do the poster thing and if it doesnt work I will put a polite notice up.

You have all helped me to get my head round this. Thank you.

As a last resort I will send DS2 out to talk to them. If that doesnt confuse them (bless his little heart) nothing will ever put them off .

I can only put up with about 5 mins of his Dr Who/Superman/Sporticus rantings and I adore him!

Chegirl,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I used to get many calls from JWs too as we're very near one of their churches. I read all their material and was quite polite.

After a few visits I finally told them that:
(1) I had had a blood transfusion myself and did not feel it was the wrong decision
(2) Family members do UN work and I was proud of them
and that with that I would respectfully agree to disagree and could I please not be called upon again

They were very nice about it, said thank you for being tolerant and making the effort to read their materials and be polite and make a decision from an informed standpoint. That must be three years ago and they have never called again.

So sorry to hear about your loss - as other posters have said, your dd is gorgeous.

I always find it hard to shut the door in people's faces etc, but have finally resorted to MiL's tactic of saying 'this is a Jewish household' (I am not Jewish, but dp is and we celebrate Christian and Jewish festivals). IME they can't leave quickly enough! (Suggests some are not so tolerant as they would like us to be).

I have used 'we are rastafarians' to great effect. We are not but my DSs have dreadlocks so they look like they are . I think I am just finding it all a bit hard now.

I would be lying if I said I harboured no predjudice against JWs. I DO find their beliefs deeply offensive so I guess that would be classed as intolerance?

I dont like to have these feelings but I suppose my beliefs have as much right to be respected as anybody elses.

To wishy washy, thats my problem

chegirl, as JW and someone who's DH has leukemia, I find it quite hard to post on this thread but couldnt let it pass. Please just either ring the kingdom hall or just pass a short not saying something like "thanks for your time but im not intrested, please don not call again, and please put me on the do not call list". We have do not call lists for those that have asked us not to call. HTH

Im sorry about your DD, i have seen her pic before but she still looks more beutiful everytime i see her picture x

uanbu.
I hate these callers anyway as i don't think that religion should be forced down one's throat but in your situation i'd be doubly offended.
sorry about the loss of your daughter. and i do think that their views are very odd.

YANBU.

So sorry for your loss.

Whether you are tolerant or intolerant of other religions you have a right to decide who you allow on your property.

Chegirl I think you have been very tolerant of them, once a week calling is surely harrassment, how dare they.

lisa thank you for posting. I am sure it was not easy for you to do so. I hope you understand the motivation behind my thread.

I thought long and hard before I did it. I didnt want a thread full of ignorant and horrible remarks. Even though members have made their feelings clear I think they have done so in an intelligent way.
I had hoped for the perspective of a JW and appreciate your input.
It wish your DH well and am sorry he is living with this vile disease.

I know you never meant this to be a JW bashing thread chegirl. I know the blood issue is a very emotive issue for many, including me and Darren. What ever Darrens chooses to do if he needs bloods is his decision and i will support him whatever. It truely is a vile disease and still fighting here.
Your DD looks so much like a friend i had as a kid. She looks so lovely

I am so sorry. What a smile your DD had!

You are a better person than me, trying to work out a way to get rid of these people with their offensive views without offending them. In your position I'd just put a sign up that said "Beware of the dog or you'll bloody well regret not being allowed to have blood transfusions"

chegirl I do not think you are being unreasonable. I know JWs think they have to go and save people but I don't recall anything in the Bible about Jesus going uninvited to peopele's homes. It is an intrusion and offensive even without your circumstances.

Some people do find it a comfort to be visited in hospital but it should be a tactful approach and a quick retreat if its clear its unwelcome.

You do seem to have a problem with religion generally. These people all believe that your child has gone to a better place and they would like you to share that comfort and love. You can't, you find their approach stressful, you have every right to insist your views are respected.

I do the polite "I'm sorry but I am not interested" while firmly closing the door. I believe if you say "I'm sorry I'm not interested and please take me off your list and don't call again" while closing the door means they will leave you alone. My granny did exactly this and has never been bothered again.

If you put up a simple sign saying "No religious callers please," you are not being prejudiced - as you are not specifying any specific religion. It would apply to any religion, so no need to worry about offending anyone.

tatt i dont have a problem with religion at all. I am a practising Christian as it goes .

I dont believe Billie has gone to a better place though. There is no better place for her than with her mum IMO.

Thanks again for all your comments.

lisa I will be thinking of you and your OH. I wish you all the very best.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

We had some JW's visit the hospital where I worked and I won't repeat their description of blood transfusions, but it was extremely offensive. I was tempted to walk out, but I didn't want to seem intolerant.

I do find that answering the door wearing a headscarf does an excellent job of scaring off JW's.

Am I right in thinking you live in Brum? I bet they don't visit a lot of the Asian areas, do they?

we visit a lot of asian areas tbh, we visit anywhere.

Your DD looks so gorgeous - I can't begin to understand how you must feel to have lost her.

I just wanted to post to say that I don't think it is intolerant to find someone's belief offensive. You can be respectful of someone's person (not abusive, violent or agressive) without agreeing with what they say. In fact, if you agreed with what they said you would not have to tolerate them!

It sounds like you have been very tolerant of JWs in terms of allowing them to express their views - it is not intolerant to say you believe they are completely wrong! Nor is it intolerant not to want to discuss things further.

I hope you find a good solution to all this.

thanks for your thoughts chegirl, i hope your ok and my posts havent upset u