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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be dubious about DP getting facebook?

61 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 09/05/2009 19:11

I've had facebook for about 3 years, been with DP just over 2 years. I don't flirt on it, I don't have any ex's on it. I do have blokes on it, but nothing suspicious.

Anyway, DP has always HATED me having facebook but I maintained that as I wans't doing anything inapt, I would keep it.

A few days ago, he got facebook and now there's women on there who I don't like. About my age (23), he's 27. I know that they have reputations etc or some of them I have had beef with in the past before meeting DP. Of course, that's nothing to do with DP and he won't know anyway.

I trust DP 100%, we are in a very loving relationship, that's not an issue at all. But I'm just wondering if this will eventually cause trouble between us? People can be very malicious. I just know how many people have problems with facebook (particularly on MN) and so it's in the back of my mind.

So am I being unreasonable to feel uneasy and perhaps just delete my facebook and not bother with it anymore?

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 09/05/2009 19:12

P.S The reason DP hated me having facebook is because he has heard lots of stories about it causing relationship problems, and the reason he got facebook was so that it is no longer 'the unknown' so to speak.

OP posts:
pinkstarfish · 09/05/2009 19:19

If you trust him 100% why is it even bothering you? And if he trusts you, why does he have a problem with you being on Facebook? Sounds to me you both have some issues with trust that you may want to concentrate on rather than Facebook

HellHathNoFury · 09/05/2009 19:22

If you are in a happy healthy relationship, whether or not you participate in social networking sites will not make one jot of difference.

Sounds to me though, that the fact you are even asking this question indicates that something else is not quite right?

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 19:24

YANBU. I'm not on it and P is banned yes banned from it since I saw his friends page with girls showing pictures of their arses and boobs even though he has a girlfriend. And while I'm not saying all users are like this by any means I think eventually the girls will cause problems especially if you have history.

daftpunk · 09/05/2009 19:25

yanbu..i would never have facebook ...and i wouldn't let dh have it.. can deffo cause problems

HellHathNoFury · 09/05/2009 19:28

But I don't get it...?
I have ex boyfriends on mine. DH has his ex wife on his. Neither of us give a rats. We are committed to each other - if you trust him 100% what's the big deal?

HellHathNoFury · 09/05/2009 19:32

Do you not let him down the pub by himself either?!

And if he is ok with you having blokes on yours, what can't he have friends, even girls, on his? What's the difference?

Sorry but if I laid down the law with my DH like that it would build resentment.
I expect trust from him, and so I give him the same in return.

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 19:33

I'm a suspicious person by nature, and quite highly strung so for me it would be a just in case thing.

SerendipitousHarlot · 09/05/2009 19:34

junglist - those pics are the girls' pics though aren't they? It's not like they sent them to your P???

Good luck with anyone 'banning' me from anything I'm not 12.

daftpunk · 09/05/2009 19:35

i don't like "social networking" sites...i think people spend too much time on them, it's unhealty.

pinkstarfish · 09/05/2009 19:36

HellHathNoFury - I totally agree with you, both DH and myself are on facebook, and we both have ex partners on our friends list, neither of us care at all. We trust each other to the ends of the earth. Evan if I didn't want him on Facebook, who am I to tell DH he's not allowed anyhow?

pinkstarfish · 09/05/2009 19:37

*even!

oxocube · 09/05/2009 19:37

IMO, you are both being extremely immature. If you trust each other, fine, if not (and I suspect not) then Facebook is not the source of your problems. If your partner is going to cheat, Facebook has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I don't do facebook BTW and don't even know if my husband does - we have never discussed it.

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 19:38

No but there are slappers on there! I've got enough on my plate without having to think about crap like that. Am not possessive about anything else, he goes where he likes when he likes, but he made a commitment to me and that's it. He doesn't want facebook anyway because he sees my point as he was there when the girls were displayed in all their glory.

Caitni · 09/05/2009 19:38

YABU

Agree with HellHathNoFury - My DH has his ex-wife, I've got some exes - don't see what the big deal is if you trust your partner 100%.

Social networking/email correspondence/having close female friends don't cause "relationship problems". The problems, be they lack of trust or jealousy or whatever, exist independently.

Sounds like you should keep communicating and try and move past the trust issues you have with each other rather than try to blame something external like FB...

SerendipitousHarlot · 09/05/2009 19:42

So because they've got pics of their arses, they're slappers?

Seriously junglist, you can't say you're not possessive if you ban someone from FB because there are women with their arses out!

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 19:44

They know he's got a girlfriend! They are slappers! He's one too obviously.

daftpunk · 09/05/2009 19:45

yes...they are slappers....crikey, what would you call them??..

HellHathNoFury · 09/05/2009 19:45

junglist... if you DP searches for almost anything on google and clickes the images links, chances are he'll see a boob or two.
I buy a photography mag, there are often nude shots of women in there.

So what?!

I have just been chatting to my DH about this. If either of us tried to ban the other from ANYTHING, it would breed resentment.

FB is not the root of all evil!

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 19:48

My P watches porn and I don't mind at all. It's just that on FB it's talking, not just looking. Honestly, I don't think it would suit us as a couple.

HellHathNoFury · 09/05/2009 19:50

Are your DP's banned from using email as well? Or their mobile phone?!

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 19:51

Girls don't ring my P. Only over 70's are allowed to speak to him.

daftpunk · 09/05/2009 19:53

my dh has a mobile..he has no email address, he isn't interested in getting in touch...or finding out about ex-girlfriends...thank god, because i don't think it would be good for our relationship....and tbh, i can't understand how anyone would be ok with that?

BrokenFlipFlop · 09/05/2009 19:54

Sorry but I don't understand, if you dont think it would 'suit you as a couple' then why on earth are you on it?? It makes no sense at all.

If you're insisting that he 'can't' have an account (which I don't really agree with either) then by your logic, you can't either!

I think you need to both go back to basics in respect to your relationship and rediscover trust/respect etc.

HellHathNoFury · 09/05/2009 19:54

I'm ok with it.
I trust him.