To think MILs boyfriend shouldn't come on a family holiday?

[LadyOfWaffle]

OK, DHs grandmother & aunt (dads side) said come for a visit, and because it was abit much to drive in one day (there and back) last time we found a nearby park to stay at for 3 nights. DHs mum is now coming with us. DH gets a text last night "can I call you?" from MIL, she rings and says "Z can come from Sunday, is that ok?" Not something he felt he could say "actually, no it's not" to. I was then told last night he is prob. coming (cannot get a yes or no from DH) Sunday to stay that night. Fair enough BUT (now, here I am probably being very U but they are real things for me) 1) It was us going away as a family - MIL and Z are not really partners, infact MIL was crying a few weeks ago because he reminded her it was casual/open. Whatever, but I do not think a casual you know what buddy should be coming on a family holiday. 2) They are going away for 3 weeks together a few days later to Magaluf, or something like that. It's almost like he won't let her go away with DH on her own, IYSWIM? There will be a baby & a toddler in a caravan - why would he want to come? I am not giving up the double bed (BFing/co-sleeping), so they will have to squeeze into those tiny twins anyway. He doesn't talk to me, we do not know his surname even... just makes me feel uneasy. 3) DH is still raw about the loss of his dad, and esp. considering they are not partners (in which case it would be different, as he would be family etc.) so going on a trip and having to be in a very family enviroment with him is upsetting for him. And TBH the biggest for me, that everyone is overlooking is I do not want to spend the night, or be in a caravan with a man I do not know. I dare not remind DH about this because it seems trivial , and prob. on here too but it makes me feel sick with worry. Esp. I know ... what he's into, you know? Now, I know he isn't going to come and pounce me in the night, I am not totally irrational () but PTSD isn't really a rational thing to suffer.

So... do I try and gently get him not to come somehow, grin and bear it or refuse to go.

[awaits flaming for being ... unreasonable]

Oh dear, noisy. That thought's put me right off my dinner!

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but I've seen some posts which totally sum up my view:

YOU DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THE GUY FOR HIM TO SAFELY SHARE A SPACE WITH YOUR KIDS!

You're job is to protect your kids, not placate your MIL - tell them they it'll be too cramped and it's not convenient on this occasion. End of.

sorry that should be 'Your job' - I do hate naughty apostrophes.

balls of steel....balls of steeeeeel...

your dh is behaving like a prize plonker. Feels in the middle and doesn't know whether to upset you or his mother?? harrumph. I would not be happy about spending intimate family sleeping time in this man's company. He can swing what he likes, I would be a million miles away. And I would expect a bit of support.

grrrrr

Well, he text her straight out asking her if Z had to come, that he wanted a family holiday and spend time with her, was that ok? - she replied "not sure"

She needs to be a lot more open and honest about this if she wants to impose her fuckbuddy boyfriend on you and your kids, during a family holiday. "not sure" wtf?

Do you think Mr Swinger is putting pressure on MIL? In a controlling manner maybe?

In which case you may have to nip it in the bud right away as she won't and you'll be lumbered with him every time you see her.

LOW, are you still there, whats the crack, surely you're not going to miss out on your holiday.????

tell your MIL yourself, sod DH if hes going to be a coward about it, then if you offend her you won't have to spend any more time with her ever

I told my MIL she had BO once and asked her to go in the shower because she was making my house smell when she came to stay with us

bloody hell low. you have your work cut out with this lot. glad to hear you're not going....

ps. you could ring up the park and find out his surname though!

I would not go, nor would I allow my kids to be alone with this man (or MIL if there is a chance he might show up)on any other occasion.

If it appers suspicious, then it's highly likely that it IS suspicious...

Your dh is not thinking straight.

You have to insist on this one.

HTH

I am guessing as you are BF etc that if you don't go, the kids don't go? If you feign illness, how will you stop DH taking the children with them? I thought you had more than the BF baby, older children too?

I'd not be worried about them missing out as such, more than you will be stuck at home not knowing what was going on with your children. At the very best I imagine a few pointed comments about Mummy from the MIL.

I'd be straight, say you feel it would be overcrowded and stick to your guns. Don't over-explain or apologise for your decisions. if you feel a sweetener is needed, suggest vacating a couple of nights early so that MIL and himself can swing from the overhead lockers in privacy.

And what's with all this bloody texting?!
Some thinks need to be said either on the phone or face to face.
Texting has a place in society, but NOT when it's affecting you so much!
Ask your DH to phone his mum and say Mr Swinger is not invited after all.
Job done

Hey sorry I went to bed early

If I don't go, DSs don't either. I am BFing DS2 and there is no way I want DS1 without me with people he doesn't know. I do not think he is coming now, DH told her he cannot come. If he turns up, I'll hit the roof. I guess DH is texting because it's easier? I have to do last minute packing now!

Well done. If he turns up then don't get in the car, I read it that you were all driving up together?

What amicissima said is correct, I can be quite difficult. Its definitely the way forward, you don't get lumbered with all the unnecessary crap that some people seem to think you should do for them. I will help out if asked but am nobody's doormat - been there, wore the jacket NEVER again!

Have a good time LOW

how did it go???

well

And LOL

Bump!

she murdered him lol