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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dad being weird about money and time

57 replies

MumOfBaby · 04/05/2009 15:18

I recently borrowed some money towards my house deposit from my dad. I have promised that I will have this back to him by December, he agreed, all good.

He also insisted on paying for my wedding. I said I was going to pay but I couldn't afford everyone, so only DP, me and DS would be going- and we'd be getting married abroad. He threw a paddy and wouldn't speak to me for 3 months as he wanted to pay and for the whole family to come- so he is paying and they are coming.

However, today I was on the phone, moaning to my mum about the weather on bank holiday, looking out at the rain and said 'I wanted to go to the park but it's blardy awful. You can buy me a jacket if you like mum' then laughed. She said 'You're joking arn't you, I can't afford owt at the moment. Actually, I've got your jacket here, your dad's coming over in a bit I'll get him to take you it.'

So when dad gets here, he keeps pretending to fall asleep when I'm talking because he insists all day every day that he is the most tired person on earth because he thinks he works harder than anyone, and goes on and on about it none stop, particularly if he does anything for anyone.

Anyway, I thought that was rude enough.

Then he says his accountant has said he's worse off than last year when he's worked even harder. I said 'Oh how come?' and he said 'well I'm paying for the wedding and you and your sister want money off us all the time and we never do anything for our selves.' etc etc. Then he said 'I need to talk to you and [dp] about money'. I said 'Oh, well hopefully I can pay you back next month'. I always get treated like a spoilt child.

So I rang my mum and said how come he's going on about money again? She said 'because you asked for a jacket'. I said 'I was joking!'

Apparently when she hung up he asked what I'd said and she told him and he was whinging.

Is it not all a bit silly? He shouldn't lend money if he's going to get all funny about it. I've been very greatful. I bought him wine and a thankyou card and promised that he'll have the money back by when he wants it back.

AIBU to feel a bit upset about it?

OP posts:
bigchris · 04/05/2009 15:20

I guess your jacket comment wasn't taken as you intended, it did sound abit cheeky to me, sort of hides what you really think

chequersmate · 04/05/2009 15:20

I don't know really, it seems a bit odd to me tbat you'd joke about wanting someone to buy you something - but I don't know what kind of relationship you have.

Sounds a bit blown out of proportion maybe?

jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:20

er..dunno...yes.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 04/05/2009 15:22

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jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:22

I wish I had your'problems'!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 04/05/2009 15:23

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MumOfBaby · 04/05/2009 15:24

Jem- no you don't. I've had a MC, 3 teaching inspections, a teething baby and the biggest batch of hormones ever just this month.

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:24

Sorry, that sounded mean, I just mean it sounds like you have a really supportive family.

In which case, when you're close, you argue and make up about stuff.

MumOfBaby · 04/05/2009 15:25

Yes, I'm sorry, we're not made of money. I'm training to be a teacher and DP works his arse off for pittence, so the only way we could get married is a cheap wedding abroad and we can't pay for people to go lol.

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:25

Sorry, I posted in haste, and didn't explain.

Please don't take offense- I don't know you or your situation at all. x

MumOfBaby · 04/05/2009 15:27

Don't worry Jem, it's not like I explained everything in the OP. Just feeling a bit peeved today and dad has picked at me about a million and 1 things this week. Also when I got pregnant he said to DP 'congratulations, you're going to struggle' and a week later I lost the baby and took a million pregnancy tests in denial and he said to DP 'I wish she'd stop taking those tests' as he found some of them.

Urgggghhhhhhh... so angry at dad today lol.

OP posts:
chequersmate · 04/05/2009 15:28

The only way you could get married was a cheap wedding abroad?

Couldn't you have had a register office and a buffet for the same price?

chequersmate · 04/05/2009 15:29

(I'm very sorry about your miscarriage)

jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:29

Just sound like me!
Things happen and it all gets on top of you- god I know about that!!

Sorry- Dads been a pisser eh?!

jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:30

Love your disclaimer chequers!!

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 04/05/2009 15:30

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RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 04/05/2009 15:31

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jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:32

Love reality's no hold bars answer!

Say it how you see it hin!

MumOfBaby · 04/05/2009 15:32

Chequers- could never manage a white wedding, but a plain white dress and bare feet on a beach sounded pretty lovely for a cheap wedding and honeymoon in one. Sisters wedding was £25 grand!!! I kid you not.

AIBU is not the place for a hormonal she-bitch

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 04/05/2009 15:33

Hey, I'm a hormonal she-bitch too, don't worry about it!

None of us are perfect...!

HappyMummyOfOne · 04/05/2009 15:37

I can imagine your dad felt he had no option but to pay for the wedding given you had made it clear he couldnt come if he didnt pay. A wedding abroad will cost far more than having a registry office and a meal after.

Perhaps the jacket "joke" was the tip of the iceberg and your parents feel they work hard and dont get to see the rewards as they are still supporting you.

Sounds like you need to stop relying on them for money before the situation gets worse.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 04/05/2009 15:39

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booyhoo · 04/05/2009 15:41

tbh if i couldnt afford a wedding, i wouldnt arrange one. id wait till i could afford it without borrowing from family. it does sound as though your dad is getting a bit fed up being a cash machine. if i was in your sit id postpone wedding and pay him back and not take any more money off him. the rows over money would dampen the day for me anyway. but thats just me.

TheArmadillo · 04/05/2009 15:46

I'm guessing your dad still feels he has to support your family and that's what this has all blown up over.

Also you say he didn't have to pay for your wedding but it seems to have been a choice between him not attending at all or paying for it. He pay have felt that he didn't really have a choice.

I think the only way to resolve this is to apologise if he has got that impression and that you won't borrow money from him again.

And I honestly think you shouldn't borrow money from them again - it's not a good way to go and does cause problems like those above.

AnakinSkywalker · 04/05/2009 15:46

My dad is alot like yours...He's continuously pushing money on me to get married. I don't want to yet, but even though I could borrow money when I wanted I feel like I should support myself. Parent's wont be there forever to bail you out.
I hate borrowing money, I'd rather go without or save. Neither a borrower or lender be.