dad being weird about money and time

[MumOfBaby]

I recently borrowed some money towards my house deposit from my dad. I have promised that I will have this back to him by December, he agreed, all good.

He also insisted on paying for my wedding. I said I was going to pay but I couldn't afford everyone, so only DP, me and DS would be going- and we'd be getting married abroad. He threw a paddy and wouldn't speak to me for 3 months as he wanted to pay and for the whole family to come- so he is paying and they are coming.

However, today I was on the phone, moaning to my mum about the weather on bank holiday, looking out at the rain and said 'I wanted to go to the park but it's blardy awful. You can buy me a jacket if you like mum' then laughed. She said 'You're joking arn't you, I can't afford owt at the moment. Actually, I've got your jacket here, your dad's coming over in a bit I'll get him to take you it.'

So when dad gets here, he keeps pretending to fall asleep when I'm talking because he insists all day every day that he is the most tired person on earth because he thinks he works harder than anyone, and goes on and on about it none stop, particularly if he does anything for anyone.

Anyway, I thought that was rude enough.

Then he says his accountant has said he's worse off than last year when he's worked even harder. I said 'Oh how come?' and he said 'well I'm paying for the wedding and you and your sister want money off us all the time and we never do anything for our selves.' etc etc. Then he said 'I need to talk to you and [dp] about money'. I said 'Oh, well hopefully I can pay you back next month'. I always get treated like a spoilt child.

So I rang my mum and said how come he's going on about money again? She said 'because you asked for a jacket'. I said 'I was joking!'

Apparently when she hung up he asked what I'd said and she told him and he was whinging.

Is it not all a bit silly? He shouldn't lend money if he's going to get all funny about it. I've been very greatful. I bought him wine and a thankyou card and promised that he'll have the money back by when he wants it back.

AIBU to feel a bit upset about it?

mumofbaby if you love your parents and are close to them, why on earth were you planning on getting married without them there?

Of course they are upset and sensitive. They probably think you don't want them there.

And what's all this stuff about your sister? You think they do more for her than for you - you think they love her more than you? And so you were going to go off and get married without them to make a point - after they splashed out a small fortune for her wedding?

i think there is a lot going on here.

Sorry, but I think its a bit mean to accept cash from them for your deposit, but not want them at your wedding - i think I would be upset if my child did that too.

I think the joke in context really was just a joke and they have taken it all a bit too seriously to be honest. Though maybe their attitude is not so much about the jacket joke but more because they are feeling a bit resentful about giving you money when times are tight. Like others say maybe you need to reassure them a bit, make some allowances, try to get the money you owe back to them as quickly as you can and show them how much you really do appreciate their help.

mumofbaby did your parents pay the £25K for your sister's wedding?

MumOfBaby - how close to the wedding is it? If it's close and invites have been sent etc, then I think you just need to remind your Dad that you were happy with the other arrangement and that he wanted to pay for it so that all the family could attend - his choice. IF it's not too late to change it, I think you should go back to your original plan, get married where and when you and your DF want to and invite your parents (other family) to attend (at their own cost - quite normal for an overseas wedding).

Once you've paid back the house money (can't have been much if you can pay it back so soon!!) then try your level best not to borrow anymore.

Families... sometimes you just have to thank god you get to choose your friends

Other people's money invariably comes with strings. Don't ever take it if you don't want to put up with it.

There are always other choices - they might not be nice choices but they are a whole lot better than having to put up with someone cause you have their money.

Loans between families/friends are poison in my experience/opinion.

Sheesh, you really come accross VERY badly. You complain about having no money. Your aging parents, on a uncertain income as they are self employed, dig into their pension to give you a house deposit. This doesn't seem to be done in any formal way, ie nothing signed, no interest calculated, just your vague promise to pay it back. Do you pay a set amount back every month to their account?? You return teh favour by buying them a car and a bottle of wine. You complain about not being able to afford a wedding. Your parents again offer to pay. When you then turn around and say you want to have it abroad, deliberately without them, and they naturally get obset at the calous way you use their generosity, you whine. Your idea of a joke is to demand more clothes, hidden as a 'joke'. When they fail to relaise it's a joke, you get angry and whine again.
You seriously need to grow up, to pay your own way and to treat your parents with respect. they have made it as clear as they can that they have no idea of what income they will be receiveing, ie, PLEASE stop using them as a cash dispenser. You fail to get the gentle hint. My gosh, we are none of us swimmin gin cash at teh mo, but if you want to get married, and want someone else to pay for it, then dont expect that you can treat their money as yours, an dnot even invite them, that's the utter height of rudeness. If you want a string/obligation free loan, go to a bank. Weddings are family affairs, and your parents are only naturally wanting to keep it as such. Or else, scale it back, have a registry wedding, a nice family dinner after and go away just you and DH, on holiday after. Sorted.
You really need to grow up. Utterly utterly Unreasonable IMVHO.