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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked that a mum i know left her 5yo...

78 replies

noonar · 01/05/2009 19:13

... in the park playground 'unattended' while she popped home (150m away).

i need to qualify the word 'unattended' as there were one or 2 people in the park who know the child, but i know that none were asked to supervise the child in mum's absence.

i noticed that the child's mum wasnt there, and asked where she was, as i'd been intending to go and chat to her (we'd not yet said hello to each other). the child said that mum had popped home and i asked who was looking after her ...'you are' she said.

when the mum returned i told her that i'd had and odd convo with her LO and said 'x said you'd gone home' she said that she needed to pop back urgently, and had told x that i was in the park and given her the impression that i was watching her, yet she said nothing to me!

now, they do live v close to the park, and the park was full of familiar faces from school, so feels quite safe, but AIBU to be shocked that she left her?? i might've been just about to leave the park, for all she knew!

OP posts:
liahgen · 01/05/2009 19:14

bloody hell

Greensleeves · 01/05/2009 19:15

at this, it's rude to expect someone to watch your child for you without even asking them.

I'm not scandalised by the safety risk, although it's not ideal and I wouldn't do it (but then my kids are nutters)

ByTheSea · 01/05/2009 19:16

Is it possible she had a bout of urgent diarrhoea and had to race home so fast she couldn't drag her daughter?

Original poster
noonar · 01/05/2009 19:16

agree that there wasnt an unsafe feel about the whole situation. but i was shocked by the complacency.

OP posts:
IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 01/05/2009 19:19

In my old house I lived VERY close to the park too and would have popped home if I knew I wasn't going to be long and wouldn't have told dd anyone was watching her would have told her to come and get me if she needed me.
I think it was more wrong to suggest to the little girl that you were watching her rather than the fact that she left ehr alone in the playpark for a short time TBH.

BeehiveBaby · 01/05/2009 19:20

It is the sort of thing my friends and I do occasionally TBH, depends how close you and mum are maybe?

Original poster
noonar · 01/05/2009 19:21

i just dont understand why she didnt speak to me before going. i was only sitting 15m away.

really, i need... at that age?

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 01/05/2009 19:22

So she nipped home - probably to remove a burning pan from stove or similar, having seen you were in the park and thought, one assumes, that you would therefore step in had her daughter broken a bone or tried to buy hard drugs or whatnot. In fact exactly what might have been expected to happen, happened. NOTHING , nothing went wrong, nobody was lost, hurt or eaten because it is in fact possible for a child to play in a park near their home in perfect safety and comfort. The only thing that happened was that you got all hoity toity about your friend's parenting judgement. So what if you'd left - she was coming straight back and her daughter was not balanced over the jaws of a lion!

Original poster
noonar · 01/05/2009 19:22

but bee, she didnt even speak to me. we are 'chat in the playground school mum aquaintances'.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 01/05/2009 19:25

Do you know - I walk past hundreds of mums and children every week, don't know them from adam and we never speak - but if I saw a child in danger or hurt I would still leap in till a parent got there. That's a basic acring instinct - you don't need to be 'asked' to feel like that - you just do. Seriously - do you think she should have thought 'oooh better ask Noonar to pick up dd if she is squashed in a freak roundabout accident because otherwise she'll just sit on her arse and do nothing'

Original poster
noonar · 01/05/2009 19:27

but northern, i wouldve been really delighted to watch her, but i didnt know i was supposed to be!

the park was really, really busy- prob forty children plus adults in the playground. if the child hadnt come to sit with me, i'd never have noticed if anything had gone wrong.

OP posts:
TsarChasm · 01/05/2009 19:27

Lol at the possibility of a 'bout of urgent diarrhoea'.

Original poster
noonar · 01/05/2009 19:29

northern, i'm not thinking in terms of helping an injured child. of course i would! i would go to ANY child in need.i'm thinking in terms of child wandering off unnoticed, for instance.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 01/05/2009 19:30

noonar I do think it's odd she didn't mention it to you.

Northernlurker I take your point, but what if noonar had left the playground?

Northernlurker · 01/05/2009 19:33

So Noonar left - that doesn't render a situation unsafe (no disrespect to you Noonar but I'm assuming you don't have powers over evil, gravity and the weather. Do you? )

As long as she told her daughter not to leave the park - and we can assume that she did then what could go wrong? What did go wrong - nothing! Noonar - this seems to have put your back up but I really can't see why - just relax and eat some chocolate!

onagar · 01/05/2009 19:34

"there were one or 2 people in the park who know the child"

So it was ok for a minute or two.

SomeGuy · 01/05/2009 19:34

5 is not 2. The child has been told 'Mummy is going to get something, stay here, will be back in 5 minutes'. They are capable of understanding that as much as a 10 year old is.

Original poster
noonar · 01/05/2009 19:39

hey, northern, she didnt get my back up at all, i'm just perplexed at what i see as a slightly complacent attitude and am confused as to why she didnt spend 10 seconds calling over to me first.

the child is in reception, with my dd. i could not 100 per cent rely on my dd to stay put. her 7yo sis, yes. but not my youngest, so disagree with Someguy.

OP posts:
edam · 01/05/2009 19:44

Blimey. I wouldn't dream of doing that. Why on earth didn't she tell you/one of the other mothers she had to nip back?

But then, some people would probably think I'm too relaxed, letting ds play out in our street (it's perfectly safe, short of meteor strikes but previous threads have shown some parents wouldn't let primary aged children play out of their sight).

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 01/05/2009 22:21

Yes honestly at that age dd is 5 now and we've just moved a few weeks ago. Wouldn't have had a problem with doing it even a year ago when she was 4 and half she would NOT have left the park and if there was a desperate need for me she would have come to the house and not wandered anywhere else or asked another parent she knew.
DS on the other hand he's 3 and I cannot imagine even leaving him in the park at 21 just now lol he is nowhere near as sensible as dd or listens to instruction as well as she did/does.

sachertorte · 01/05/2009 22:29

I think YABU to be shocked. I wouldn´t hesitate to be 150 m away from my 4 year old in a large playground. If I told her I was going 150 m away to buy her an íce-cream I wouldn´t be anxious about her safety. I know I am one minute walk away. So what´s the big deal?

The park was busy, plenty of people around to help out for what, a minute, if there was an accident.

I think your reaction, OP, is incredibly sad. If I see a small child that I vaguely know from the school gate is in any kind of spot of bother I jump in and help out. That´s what any adult should do. I don´t feel I have to ASKED to do the decent thing.

Is teaching my child to be self-reliant and sending her the message that other adults in the playground are trustworthy complacent? Or do children have to be chaperoned round the park or prisoners in their own home or car now, just to keep them "safe"?

catwalker · 01/05/2009 22:42

Oh come on, the OP's reaction isn't incredibly sad sachertorte. I'd never have left any of my kids in the park at 5 without making sure someone knew to keep an eye on them. Presumably there wasn't some life or death emergency or she'd have mentioned it when the OP was talking to her. How could you trust a 5 year old to stay put and not think, "I'm bored/need a wee/something to eat/want a cuddle" etc I'll go home and find mummy. Yes children should be taught to be self-reliant but the child in question was 5 for goodness sake!!

edam · 01/05/2009 22:51

sachertorte, I think you are missing the point - of course noonar would have helped the dd if she got into trouble, the problem is Noonar didn't know the child was on her own.

ChasingSquirrels · 01/05/2009 22:55

tbh if I lived 150m from the park I would have been sending ds on his own at 5.

I would not however tell him that someone else was looking after him if I hadn't asked that person first.

catwalker · 01/05/2009 22:59

ChasingSquirrels - You would send a 5 year old to the park on his own? That's outrageous.