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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked that a mum i know left her 5yo...

78 replies

noonar · 01/05/2009 19:13

... in the park playground 'unattended' while she popped home (150m away).

i need to qualify the word 'unattended' as there were one or 2 people in the park who know the child, but i know that none were asked to supervise the child in mum's absence.

i noticed that the child's mum wasnt there, and asked where she was, as i'd been intending to go and chat to her (we'd not yet said hello to each other). the child said that mum had popped home and i asked who was looking after her ...'you are' she said.

when the mum returned i told her that i'd had and odd convo with her LO and said 'x said you'd gone home' she said that she needed to pop back urgently, and had told x that i was in the park and given her the impression that i was watching her, yet she said nothing to me!

now, they do live v close to the park, and the park was full of familiar faces from school, so feels quite safe, but AIBU to be shocked that she left her?? i might've been just about to leave the park, for all she knew!

OP posts:
PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 01/05/2009 22:59

leaking tampon?

ChasingSquirrels · 01/05/2009 23:01

outrageous???? rofl

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 01/05/2009 23:02

joins chasing squirrels!

ChasingSquirrels · 01/05/2009 23:03

leaking tampon??

ChasingSquirrels · 01/05/2009 23:04

oh duh - you mean the park lady

PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 01/05/2009 23:04

lol!

it was my suggestion as to why someone might nip home!

harpsichordcarrier · 01/05/2009 23:06

I don't think it is shocking or outrageous tbh. It would depend on lots of circumstances.
I have a very sensible 5 year old though and live in a very safe place

FairLadyRantALot · 01/05/2009 23:14

did the child wander off....did teh child not know where the mum was? I think either are no....familiar faces in park, child knowing where to go and home rather nearby...honest is tehre something to worry about?

sachertorte · 02/05/2009 07:57

Catwalker, I can SOOOOO trust my 4 year old to stay put, to understand I will be gone a moment.

Edam it doesn´t matter if the OP didn´t know she was on her own for a moment. The point is she shouldn´t need to be asked to help out if she can see a child in trouble on her own. If you don´t see the parent, wade in!

I accept some little ones can not be left on their own, even much older. Clearly the child involved was not one.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/05/2009 08:43

It's ridiculous to assume someone else will watch your kid unless you tell them to specifically. What would you have done if she had disappeared - nothing! Because you would have assumed her mum had taken her. Honestly - stupidly complacent IMO. Asking you to watch her while she popped home - fine.

bigchris · 02/05/2009 08:46

she was probably turning the oven off
can't see a problem myself
presumably she knows how sensible her own child is

ChippingIn · 02/05/2009 11:27

YABU & judgey.

charitygirl · 02/05/2009 11:34

How strange - of course she should have asked you to watch her child, or at least told the child to come and tell you she needed watching, IYSWIM.

The rest of you are mental.

Original poster
noonar · 02/05/2009 15:57

ok, a range of views, thanks.

for all of you who think i'm not prepared to help a child unless expressly asked to do so, i would repeat my post from last night:

***

"i'm not thinking in terms of helping an injured child. of course i would! i would go to ANY child in need.i'm thinking in terms of child wandering off unnoticed, for instance."


i just think that its very odd that she didnt tell me she was going, as she'd told her dd i was looking after her. i'm surprised that so many of you do not find that odd too.

also, to those of you who think i'm being unreasonable, and think that the worse thing that couldve happened was that i might have had to rush to her dd's aid...

...supposing the child had fallen off the climbing frame, in mum's absence, and i'd written an op saying "i went to the aid of a child who'd fallen off a climbing frame, and rushed her over to her mum, only to find she'd gone home" would you still think i was
being harsh?? would you all say 'give her a break she was only gone for a few minutes, how was she supposed to know her dd was going to fall?'

OP posts:
purpleduck · 02/05/2009 16:09

Maybe the mum said "if you have a problem, ask noonar" - thus ensuring that if the child was indeed squashed in a freak roundabout accident, the child had someone to scream for.

I think that is different than expecting someone to actively look after them.

Original poster
noonar · 02/05/2009 16:16

true, purple, that is rather different.

but what if she wandered off?

OP posts:
LilyBolero · 02/05/2009 16:21

I read this as being the mum saying 'if there's an emergency, look, there's noonar over there, you could ask her'. Rather than nominating you as child carer.

I wouldn't mind leaving my 5 year old in that sort of environment. She'd be fine.

IotasCat · 02/05/2009 16:31

Noonar I completely agree with you that the mum should have mentioned it to you before she left.

brimfull · 02/05/2009 16:51

noonar I agree she should have asked you to wacth her child..if anything incase you were about to leave yourself.

Fairynufff · 02/05/2009 18:30

noonar - YANBU - I live that close to the park and I cried with panic when my 9year old rugby-playing son asked for the first time to go to the park on his own. I refused.

I find it hard to fathom that post-Madelaine McCann, Sarah Payne etc some posters still take a nonchalant attitude to this sort of thing. If you'd unwittingly left the park and that girl was never seen again I wonder what the sachertortes and northernlurkers would have to say

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/05/2009 18:42

YANBU

yes she was gone 5mins, but in that time, you could have left and gone home/to shops etc

and then who would be looking after her dd?

it would have taken the mum a few seconds to say can you keep an eye on dd for 2mins - i need to pop home

norksinmywaistband · 02/05/2009 19:00

Fairynuff - I allow my 3 and 4 year olds to play in the park I am there, normally sat on a bench drinking my coffee, but they are often a couple of hundred yards away on the other side of the cricket pitch , playing with their friends.

IMO if a child is going to be snatched whether you are 50 m away or 150m at home, makes no difference those people are criminals.

I think that children who are molly coddled their whole lives, can grow up with little self confidence.

nappyaddict · 02/05/2009 19:09

Edam how old was your DS when he started playing out in the street? Am thinking of letting DS this summer (he will be 3)

onagar · 02/05/2009 19:20

I do understand the worry, but in reality it's a park with grass and stuff. There are not kidnappers on a rota watching every park hoping that someone will leave a child for 5 mins.

When they are in school there will be times when the teacher leaves the room briefly. For that matter there will be times when you leave the room for a few minutes. Yes in theory someone could break in just at that moment, but you can't live like that can you.

pointydog · 02/05/2009 19:21

If the mum said to her dd that she should go to noonar if she needed to, then the mum should also have said to noonar.

If the mum said to her dd to be good and she would be back in 10 minutes, then no need to tell noonar.

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