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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do any of you spend a night or two away from home on your own??

54 replies

momofha · 30/04/2009 13:12

Hi all,
So my hubby, who now and again goes away on business, is now away on business for three nights. He sits there last night on the phone telling me how he hates being away from home and wishes he didnt have to go away on business.

Well there I was thinking, I would give my right arm to spend just one night away from all of this, ie; children( aged 2,4&6), cooking cleaning, laundry, school run, potty training, night waking, ah um... my husband too, etc, etc. Just one bleeding night!!! You wouldnt get me complaining!

Am I wrong to think this?? I mean hear I am wanting to spend a night on my own away from my beloved children and darling husband. I can only imagine that my DH would take exception to me saying I wanted a night away from him.

Does anyone else have the same feelings OR actually act on them??

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 30/04/2009 13:14

being away on business is very didfferent from being away for other reasons

if you want a night away, and you can afford it etc, then do it!

BeatrixRotter · 30/04/2009 13:15

I spend the odd night away and enjoy it. I would not be happy to be away on business though, unless my business was lounging around in spas or reviewing beaches in Brazil.

smackapacka · 30/04/2009 13:17

Yeah - I have spent time away and it is nice, just to be by yourself (even travelling alone).

I'd embrace chances given to have a change of scenery.

Having said that, I've had time away for specific events - like a hen do. Not just 'me'time. Is that even legal?

Original poster

momofha · 30/04/2009 13:19

When I say he is away on business, he goes in for the day to the international office, has his meetings etc and then goes back to the hotel for a relaxing child and wife free evening and a good meal somewhere then back to the empty child free and wife free bed to sprawl out and sleep undisturbed. Sounds like heaven to me business trip or not

OP posts:

slightlyonedgemum · 30/04/2009 13:19

He probably thinks of it as business not fun if you see what I mean. If it was just 'time away' he might change his mind.

And don't worry, I regularly think I wish I just had a day to myself. In the past 8 months I've had 4 hours on my own in one go. I was driving my husbands car and he was in a different vehicle but damn it was good!

Tortington · 30/04/2009 13:19

i have been away from home on business, in some standard otel and hated it - not my own pillow - cant sleep becuase dh isn't there, no internet access, 3 channels on the telly.
can't get drunk beucase i have business the next day.

I have been away from home staying at my friends house. visiting relatives 300 miles away, getting wankered and generally having a great time.

they are quite different.

stickylittlefingers · 30/04/2009 13:19

I have been away a few times - mostly business, once pleasure. I always think I'm going to really enjoy it, but once away I do really miss the dc (and I spose dh too ) and am very pleased to be back. I also sleep really badly away from them, so it doesn't help that way either. So I don't think either of you ABU! I'm sure some people cope with the reality of it much better than me...

cornflakemum · 30/04/2009 13:20

I spend a few nights away a year on business - often in Europe - and I just SOOOOOOO enjoy having a long bubbly bath, room service meal and TV (but of course I phone and say how lonely it is, and how much I am missing the kids and DH ...)

Also have a couple of girls weekends away which are also fun, but not 'on my own' time IYSWIM

Jackaroo · 30/04/2009 13:22

My DH knows better than to complain about going away, but I know he doesn't like it for more than a night at a time really.

In fact, I'm following him on one of his jaunts next week - just a decent hotel in the city, but he will be out all afternoon/evening til late, and I will be using hte pool, sky tv, and room service, and have told him not to wake me up when he gets to the room, if I'm already alseep!!!

"Our" last night away together before DS2 is born, and I'm very happy to spend most of it alone thanks....

PS Do remember DH complaining bitterly about missing his train and having to spend 20 minutes at the train station with nothing to do but read a book, when DS1 was about 4 months old. I gave him a different perspective on his agony

OrmIrian · 30/04/2009 13:24

I feel same as you OP. I would love it.

I've done it twice. Went on a break with some friends for 2 nights. But I did take my youngest with me each time as he was bfing. So not quite the same.

YorkshireRose · 30/04/2009 13:28

I have one business trip of 3 days away per year (annual head office get together) and, though it is fun during the day and being taken out to group dinner in the evening, it gets very lonely going up to my single hotel room at the end of the day. I imagine that is where your DH is when he calls you (in his hotel room, not mine, I hasten to add!)

I normally do all childcare (school drop offs, pick ups and the rest) so it is nice to get a break from that - you are absolutely NBU to look forward to that!

Your DH already spends a lot of time away from your dcs during the working week ( I assume) so it is a bit different for him. Don't assume that he will not be able to understand your point of view as the parent who is constantly on duty.

Speak to him about how you would like a break - can you arrange a girls trip with another friend or a group of friends?

choppychopster · 30/04/2009 13:28

I occassionally stay away from home on business and quite enjoy it. I usually have a nice long bath or shower, pop on my PJs and watch telly or read my book. I really enjoy it.

However I have friends who are connstantly away with work and I imagine that it must get quite lonely and annoying when you want to get on with stuff at home.

jojosmaman · 30/04/2009 13:39

If I am away for one or two nights I make the most of it and look forward to it (long baths, lying in bed watching tv in the evening etc) but if it is a week or more (which it usually is) I dread it as I miss dp and ds too much and the time just drags. Plus I travel to the Far East mainly and so even when I am coming home I have a 12hr flight and a wait at Heathrow before my shuttle before I get home and this is the worst part.

Off to China the day after tomorrow

Original poster

momofha · 30/04/2009 13:41

Right, thanks all. Now that I know there are others who feel the same way/acted on it I will be chatting with DH when he is back and planning my night away with a pile of mags or a book, a good nearby restaurant and a comfy bed with a bath to soak in. Ahhhh sounds like a dream!!

OP posts:

duchesse · 30/04/2009 13:42

Yup- in fact this week a case in point. Tomorrow I am driving 200 miles to spend the weekend with a bunch of girlfriends. I will come back on Sunday evening, then leave again on Wednesday for 5 days for a town twinning visit to Brittany. Last month I spent 48 hours away. It doesn't happen all that often in truth, but I get cabin fever after a while and just need to get away alone be just me rather than we.

springlamb · 30/04/2009 13:50

I try to get away twice a year to our touring caravan which is kept on a seasonal site in the middle of a forest. It may be for only 36 hours, but it does me a world of good.
I just take a few clothes, a pile of books, several tins of soup and lots of chocolate.
I read and sleep, take a walk, read, have another sleep, have a long walk, eat, sleep, read, take a short walk. All punctuated by the sheer bliss of eating a whole Twix without someone on my shoulder whining 'Gissa bite'.

Morloth · 30/04/2009 13:58

We both enjoy time apart from family sometimes. DH travels for work regularly and I sometimes get away to a spa/girls weekend.

DS doesn't seem traumatised by this and in fact has gone to stay with grandparents for his own "time away" we all enjoy being together and we all enjoy a break from each other.

sleeplessinstretford · 30/04/2009 14:03

i used to work a way a lot-and it was shit. Had stupid clients to entertain/do's to go to-i used to look at weeks where i was home every night as a holiday.
I think i'd like to have some time away with my lovely boy so we could get pissed and lie in and maybe have morning sex-but i wouldn't like to be actually on my own.
I have just booked a flight to go away with my best friend for 3 nights at the end of may.we're going to ireland and i will be drunk for the entire time-i will miss everyone at home but need a break.
What i would like is about 2 or 3 hours in the day,in my house with nobody in so i could read a book/magazine and shave my legs/paint my toe nails- I shouldn't have to go out for that.If I was ill or something then i might get a bit of peace but i was on the loo and the entire family came in and were sat in the bathroom (inc dp)
I also remember when baby was little going in the shower and dp shoving her round the end of the curtain saying 'mummy please feed me' i nearly chinned him.
I'd like some peace...and some sleep...

tigana · 30/04/2009 14:07

On the other hand, how pissed off would you be if he phoned you and said "Hey, this is great! I am having a brilliant time away from you and the children! I can sprawl over the bed, watch anything I want on TV and I don't have to tidy up after myself, let alone after anyone else..."...?

If he is working most days then he is already spending time away from you and his children (even though it is business time rather than him-time) and these nights away just add to that.
I work FT, and while it can be nice to spend a night elsewhere every so often I am a bit ambivalent about it as I would also like to be spending that time at home with my family.

MyNameIsInEggGoMontoya · 30/04/2009 14:23

I went away overnight with some mummy friends to a hotel/spa and it was bliss to be away for a bit - I am thinking of a night away on my own sometime too, maybe a city break (shopping!) or something cos DH owes me loooooads of baby-free time (due to his hobby that he spends lots of time on at weekends). I would miss them a bit, but not enough to spoil my enjoyment, as I get so much time with them every other day!

Business travel is a bit mixed though, I used to do it and some trips were very nice & almost like a holiday, but others were just horrid, stressful and sleepless so I just wanted to get home. And it's much nicer just going once in a while than if you have to be away regularly.

Sleepless I SO agree with you about child-free time at home though - if I tell DH I am due some "me time" he says "OK I'll take DS, you go out somewhere" but I don't always want to be out (or have somewhere to go at short notice & on my own), sometimes I want to be able to get things done at home, play my music, read,... but if I stay in, DH can't resist bringing DS "to see mummy" and next thing you know, my head is being climbed on again....

Lucy88 · 01/05/2009 22:57

Its strange how people who don't ever have to work away from home have the impression that its all 'fun and relaxation'.

I have to spend 2-3 nights away a month and its not as exciting or relaxing as it sounds. I'm a single Mum so some would think I would be able to use this time to relax.

Often have long meetings during the day, then have time for a quick shower before having to join a group of boring people for a meal and then sleep in a strange room with an uncomfortable bed. Other times its a case of sitting in a small hotel room eating a takeaway.

I love my job, but I would rather be at home every night tucking my son up in bed and reading him stories.

FairLadyRantALot · 01/05/2009 23:03

totally get you....dh has/is away a far bit with army/ta....I do claim the odd day....but rarely due to it making double the work....cos I have to organise things like childcare where needede etc...

violethill · 01/05/2009 23:04

I think you have a good point Lucy. If working away is so glamorous why aren't you doing it OP?!
Maybe your hubby thinks the world of cooking, running the hoover round and playing with the kids would be light relief from the hard edged business world?!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 01/05/2009 23:20

Well, I never had, then I won a trip to a conference for 2d. DH is in the forces (but now based at home, thank God!) so had spent lots of time away, and I felt exactly like you do! After discussing it, DH was quite happy to take a couple of days off to watch the three kids...so off I went! and it was great- just to be "me" again for a couple of days. To have a whole bad to myself, to get up in the morning and only have to dress myself and grab something for breakfast. To think about my career again for a bit, meet new people..I came back soo happy to see my kids and feeling really refreshed- go for it!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 01/05/2009 23:20

Meant whole bed, not whole bad!!

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