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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do any of you spend a night or two away from home on your own??

54 replies

momofha · 30/04/2009 13:12

Hi all,
So my hubby, who now and again goes away on business, is now away on business for three nights. He sits there last night on the phone telling me how he hates being away from home and wishes he didnt have to go away on business.

Well there I was thinking, I would give my right arm to spend just one night away from all of this, ie; children( aged 2,4&6), cooking cleaning, laundry, school run, potty training, night waking, ah um... my husband too, etc, etc. Just one bleeding night!!! You wouldnt get me complaining!

Am I wrong to think this?? I mean hear I am wanting to spend a night on my own away from my beloved children and darling husband. I can only imagine that my DH would take exception to me saying I wanted a night away from him.

Does anyone else have the same feelings OR actually act on them??

OP posts:

lovelybones · 01/05/2009 23:26

I have had one night away from Dd who was 13 months old at the time (for pleasure) and left her with Dh. When I got home she was still asleep. I discovered that Dh had put her to bed in the clothes she had been in all day as 'well they looked really comfy and I didn't see the point of changing them'

Thank god he had managed to change her nappy!

Stayingsunnygirl · 01/05/2009 23:27

I think it's a case of where you're standing, Lucy and violet. I absolutely accept that when people who have to travel for business say it's no fun, that they know whereof they speak - but sometimes, from the sahm standpoint, comparing it to the nappies and tantrums and broken nights or stroppy teens and messy bedrooms and soapdodger sons, even the long boring meetings and the meal with boring people and the strange room can look better than the alternative.

I suppose I don't know personally how dreary travelling for business would be, but I do have plenty of experience of the children/tantrums/strops/soap dodging - and better the devil I don't know - if you see what I mean!!

That said, dh is very happy to look after the boys so that I can go and see friends or, on one occasion, so I could go on retreat for 3 days at a benedictine monastery (no getting wankered there, but the ultimate chill-out experience). I really appreciate the time out, but I look forward to getting home - unfortunately I seem to have reached the age where a couple of nights away travelling leaves me so knackered I'm fit for nothing. [granny emoticon]

Stayingsunnygirl · 01/05/2009 23:28

I have just realised that, in all that unneccessary verbosity, what I was trying to say is that the grass always looks greener.

YorkshireRose · 02/05/2009 09:07

Staying sunny - yes, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I would not like to do much more than the one business trip a year that i do, it would just become a weary drag and there is nothing worse than that feeling of living out of a suitcase.

There is also a world of difference between the hard slog of regular business travel and the girls weekend away with friends.

fellowmum · 02/05/2009 09:42

I have never travelled for business and now as a sahm I still wouldn't want to. But love the idea of me going away by myself have done it once and it was bliss. Room service, bath, books, tv and a big empty bed. The memory of that night away keeps me going on those days when I am surounded by chaos and screaming child.

I think it's great spending time as a family but if you can take some time away does wonders for everyone. It makes you appreciate what you have. Including dh knowing what you have to deal with on daily basis - it's not all coffee mornings etc...

BonsoirAnna · 02/05/2009 09:56

I have no desire whatsoever to spend a night away from both DP and DD simultaneously. I do spend nights away from DP but with DD (when he is away on business or I am staying with my parents without him), and DP and I sometimes sneak away for a few days at a hotel without DD. Both are nice in their own way. But without either of them? No thanks!

YorkshireRose · 02/05/2009 10:01

That's great for you BonsoirAnna. But everyone is different. Some people just need a bit of time to themselves to clear their heads so they can enjoy their families more.

There is no right or wrong in this, just different people having different needs.

Snorbs · 02/05/2009 10:17

When I was still with my ex, I used to spend a few nights away on business every month or so. At first it is fun, but it really does get dull very quickly. Lucy88 hit the nail on the head - boring and/or stressful meetings during the day, followed by a late evening of an overly-fussy and rich meal with people whom you wouldn't socialise with through choice.

Or an evening in your hotel room on your own with crap tea, not enough music or books (and, quite likely, a presentation to write for the following day), and wondering if you could use the trouser press to bash through the wall and beat the person in the next room to death for having their TV on at maximum volume.

I'm a single parent now so I don't get evenings off. I much prefer being at home, being able to read books to the kids at bedtime and looking in on them when I go to bed.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 02/05/2009 10:30

God I relish going away for work. Two nights in a smart hotel to sleeep, sleeep and go to a restaurant on my own. I dream about the escape....

Snorbs · 02/05/2009 10:32

Actually, my post came across as a bit smug. I would enjoy the occasional night off now, but I'd hate to have to go back to having so much time away from home as I used to.

bronze · 02/05/2009 10:35

the two hours I had alone in hospital in my own bed after having dc4 a fortnight ago without dh asking wheres the? or a dc saying mummy repeatedly was absolute bliss so I'm with you op. Its the change thats as good as a holiday. Plus someone else cooking....

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 02/05/2009 10:41

I am in the middle of planning a weeks holiday with 2 girlfriends, I was going to take DS 9months but there is no childcare left at the resort for the one week we can all make it so with lots of juggling DS is going to stay at home with his Dad and spend lots of time with his GP. I love my DH and I love my DS and in an ideal world we would all be going together with childcare but I am so looking forward to spending time with my friends who I don't see very much anymore, I have told them I will probably spend a large amount of time in the room sleeping tho.

bronze · 02/05/2009 10:50

Having said that in about a month and a half I'm going away fro 8 days and only taking my youngest. I know I'll miss the others like anything

ingles2 · 02/05/2009 10:58

I regularly go away for work.
Usually just a couple of nights but sometimes for up to a fortnight. I don't love it but I don't mind it.
I'm usually so busy in that time I don't have free brain space to think about what I'm missing.
Now my dc are older it's much easier to talk on the phone or skype.
and it is nice to walk away from the endless playground chatter, PTA , various sports clubs and speak to people who don't just see me as a mum.

DontCallMeBaby · 02/05/2009 11:09

I don't go away with work any more - completed my training so no more week-long trips to college. And I miss it! I think the difference between my experience and some here is that I wasn't travelling overseas (no tedious plane trips, just a couple of hours down the M4) and I was part of a class, so we ate together, and socialised a bit. I just loved having a fairly spartan, tidy room, a suitcase of clothes, couple of books, none of the usual clutter ... and doing nothing in the morning bar getting myself up, showered and dressed, then off to the restaurant for a full cooked breakfast.

Needless to say I was quite circumspect with DH about how much I enjoyed being away. Now it's his turn, and his business trips involve flying, and enforced socialising, and tbh they don't sound as pleasant as mine were.

ssd · 02/05/2009 11:11

in answer to op

no, but I can dream

dilemma456 · 02/05/2009 13:13

Message withdrawn

LolaTheShowgirl · 02/05/2009 19:26

YANBU! I regularly go away alone. I don't have kids but when I used to live with my mum and stepfather, the peace and quiet was just wonderful. I go for anything between a weekend to a week away and it is just bliss. I am quite a social person, but don't miss talking to people at all while i'm away. The last place I went to (Premier Inn) was an amazing night. It was in the city I live in. I just fancied the time to myself! I chilled up in my room for the afternoon watching crap daytime tv (but it was fun!), then I went for a walk in the city as the sun was setting. It was a lovely, mild evening. Then I got a kebab , smuggled it into my room and watched more tv, then went for a lovely, hot bath (complete with loads of bubbles) and then sunk into the huge, snuggly bed ALL ALONE. It was just pure heaven!

FrannyandZooey · 02/05/2009 19:28

not when children very little but i had a night in london when ds1 was 5 and i was pg with ds2
it was lovely

JacquelineBouvier · 02/05/2009 19:31

I would love to go away for a girlie weekend but all my friends have kids now and unfortunately (for me) do not want to leave them for one second, or so they say!

I sent dh and ds to the in laws a few months ago just so i could have 24 hours on my own, bliss!

pointydog · 02/05/2009 19:36

dh is a bit like that too (to op). He doesn't like being away on his own, I would luxuriate in it.

Meglet · 02/05/2009 19:46

Yanbu. The only night I have spent away from home + ds was to have his little sister in hospital. But this summer I'm having a hysterectomy so I'm looking on the bright side at getting some peace and a chance to read and not change nappies for a few days. How sad is that, my holiday this year is a major operation .

pollyblue · 03/05/2009 15:00

Yanbu. I have a 2 year old dd and 12 week old twins and am practically dead on my feet .

I feel the same as MyNameIsInEggGoMontoya, I don't necessarily want to go away, but a whole day 'off' to read or potter in the garden would be fab. DH has had the occassional weekend away since dd was born and recently (when the twins were 8 weeks) had 5 days at his parents. My last night away without dd was 20 months ago for a friends wedding. Did ask for DH to take over the reins for a day when he got back from his parents - he agreed happily but I did end up mucking in. Probably actually going away is the only way - perhaps I'll go on retreat.....

sachertorte · 03/05/2009 19:53

YANBU. I go away for the night once or twice a year, one night is enough, 2 too much ; ) It gives me breathing space, time to be ME, and time to think about just how much I really wouldn´t want to be without my little ones any longer than that!

You don´t have to spend much or anything really past a train fare and hotel bed. Just an amble around the shops and time to read a book in peace make me happy!

SmileyMylee · 04/05/2009 00:07

Haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said.

I used to work away 3 /4 nights of the week. I hated every second. I missed DH and DC so much. Meals in a strange restaurant (on your own are boring), sleeping in a hotel room (on your own!!!) is boring and to be honest it isn't a good nights sleep.

However now I am a SAHM I fantasise about 1 night away from the kids to sleep and relax.

Anyone care to explain that???

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