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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to be disgusted that soon to be ex is going to Aus and leaving his DDs

67 replies

looneymum · 27/04/2009 20:54

Hi Guys. Just cannot square this in my head. He left end 07 and we are in the throws of messy court divorce. His partner is from Aus but she has two little boys. She intends to go and he "after much though" has decided to go too! He has made no real provision for us..... any thoughts? xx

OP posts:
Angela2005 · 27/04/2009 21:59

Poor you and poor DDs. Just wanted to say of course you're not being unreasonable! It's really sad that he can go that far away from his children. But I guess a fair few parents (more fathers but not exclusively) do choose to cut or limit contact even with their kids after a break-up.
Can you do anything to make it less messy and suggest a compromise arrangement so at least you get some provision, or is that impossible?
Do you think it's possible he feels that they might be better off with him out the way than being in the middle of a fight?

mrsjammi · 27/04/2009 22:00

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moondog · 27/04/2009 22:01

Any thoguhts?
Yes. He's a stupid slefish twat.He'll be with someone else's kids but not his own.
Stagggering.How do peopel like this live with themselves?

tattycoram · 27/04/2009 22:07

Oh that's awful. Your poor dds. I'm really sorry

TheCrackFox · 27/04/2009 22:15

Your poor DDs. He sounds like a selfish twat. Can't imagine only seeing my DCs for a fortnight once a year.

Perhaps the CSA has a reciprical (sp) with Australia?

nkf · 27/04/2009 22:17

Appalling. Shocking. And I hate to say I've heard of it happening many timees. I don't know how they do it.

mrsjammi · 27/04/2009 22:22

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muggglewump · 27/04/2009 22:28

I've just been awarded maintenance from my ex in Aus and I don't even know where he lives, nor were we ever married. It is possible.

Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 10:47

Thanks everyone. Feeling very grim today. I think the enormity of it all is starting to kick in.

Mrs Jammi - it's a messy finances court case - he is saying he earns min wage and is paying £5 per week for both kids...

I am just about to ring CSA as I am in the throws of having a variance order... I bet he hasn't told him he is off down under.

Get this tho... I got a mail last night to say he needs certified docs from me for his visa stuff.... obviously he'll pay if I am out of pocket for certification... o o o what a kind and nice man (not!!!!) xx

OP posts:
Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 10:49

Sorry, just read post again... lots of typos... must be the stress! He pays £5 per week thru CSA.... what an arse! Anyway - thanks everyone for your support. xxx

OP posts:
LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 28/04/2009 10:54

do you have any assets that you can have the majority of if he goes to Aus?

Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 11:01

Hi Laurie. Yep.. there are assets. I would dearly like to have everything and for him to pay off the house. He is being very mean with all cash. He cancelled all utilities before xmas but still pays the mortgage and I suppose I should be grateful for this. I am living off savings and obviously the £5 pw CSA! He also pays a another nominal sum each month (which doesn't cover the bills)and I am a shareholder in his company so he pays a quarterly dividend. Court is next Thursday... I am so scared... I think he will get away with everything and leave us with moving house and generally just upsetting my lovely DDs. xx

OP posts:
Morloth · 28/04/2009 11:05

I have no advice - but seriously what a prick. No idea how people can do this. I mean really how could you leave them like that?

On the upside if this man is so thoroughly selfish at least he won't be around to screw up your lives anymore.

Good luck with court.

Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 11:08

Thanks Morloth. I hope when he tells the DDs he is kind and gentle and doesnt tell them a pack of lies about great hols etc. Anyway, he needs to get his visa stuff done and I gather his partner is presently going through court too... perhaps they may not manage to run away as planned. Still, I agree, we could be better off rid... I just feel so sorry for me little lovelies. xx

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mrsjammi · 28/04/2009 13:41

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Chellesgirl · 28/04/2009 13:58

Yeah good luck to you, stay strong and state how the brake up has affected you and your DC's.

My mum has just divorced my dad (well actually 1 year ago) he went to live with his g/f and so because he doesnt live in the marital home he doesnt have to pay the mortgage, nor bills and he pays £135 a month towards my lil brother. my mum doesnt have the strength to go to court over it, so shes paying for everything and hes living a great life.

Just make sure you prepare yourself for him being evil in court. dont let him make you feel small nor like your gona lose, hell be turning in his grave when you win!

Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 17:02

Thank a lot everyone - and for all good wishes for court. I like the idea of him coming a cropper in court and you are right Chellesgirl about him being evil in court. I am dead scared but have done nothing wrong... he should rot.... I just so hope we will be all right! x

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 28/04/2009 18:37

visit here

thumbwitch · 28/04/2009 18:40

I don't see why you should be reasonable about his visa docs at all! Don't be.

Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 18:44

Thx for that site Chellesgirl - very useful.

Hi Thumbwitch... too right... he is bloody cheeky to think I will help when he hasn't even offered a settlement. Cheeky f**cker!

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 28/04/2009 18:46

lol

Mulanmum1 · 28/04/2009 18:58

I'd lose his documents if I were you - in the shredder.

His girlfriend must be a piece of work to want a man who would walk away from his DDs.

Original poster
looneymum · 28/04/2009 19:03

Indeed Mulanmum1. Bizarre thing is that she also has two little boys. Just cannot get my head around it all. How can he choose that family over his own littlies. You would think he would at least leave us in a reasonable financial state. The mind just boggles! xx

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 28/04/2009 19:06

Secomd that Mulan.

Chellesgirl · 28/04/2009 19:06

second *

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