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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit wary?

82 replies

SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 20:04

GAH! That old freedom question....

Dd has been asked by her friend if she can go and camp in a field in half term

The friends grandma apparently has a couple of fields at the back of her house, that she owns. And friends mum has asked if J can go and the girls camp out overnight in a tent. On their own. Outside.

Now I haven't spoken to the mum yet - but she's very like me, and I trust her judgement.

Now I'm a mum that likes to offer freedom... I think a bit of independence and adventure does kids the power of good, and creates great memories.

But even I'm balking at this.... what would you do?

They're both 11.5 btw - and both pretty mature.

OP posts:
Flightattendant25 · 27/04/2009 20:06

I would be scared too unless an adult was with them, and preferable a large dog or something!

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 27/04/2009 20:11

Now I know Swallow and Amazons was a tale of fiction, but kids did once upon a time do this kind of thing all the time.
Lay down some ground rules, sticking together at all times, keeping in touch at regular intervals, not minding if grown-ups come for supper a couple of times, that sort of thing. But it's not like they're going off into the middle of nowhere, is it now?!

Kimi · 27/04/2009 20:11

Would be a bit worried about a field on their own TBH

Flightattendant25 · 27/04/2009 20:13

Unless it was a fully enclosed field without access from random other fields etc.

My guess is that it sounds thrilling to them now but on the night they will be back in the hosue within, ooh maybe 20 minutes

beanieb · 27/04/2009 20:15

I think it'll be fine. I went camping with a few friends at that age. The parents took it in turns to come and check we were ok. The river burst its banks so we went home early.

AlistairSim · 27/04/2009 20:16

What exactly are you worried could happen?

Wallace · 27/04/2009 20:16

For how long?

I haven't got an 11 year old yet but I think I would let her for one night and see how it went.

dancingqueeen · 27/04/2009 20:16

I think it depends a lot on the location of the fields etc.... I used to do this at that age, with friends or my brother, but it was near our cottage in the middle of nowhere in the lake district, and tent couldn't be seen from a road

Flightattendant25 · 27/04/2009 20:19

Well I wouldn't camp in a field, myself, without someone very big and tough nearby. You hear noises and stuff

It is unlikely but just possible some loony could decide to attack them. You never know.

Tortington · 27/04/2009 20:28

yeah - erm no.

back garden - yes.

fuck off field at the back of who knows where - erm no

slowreadingprogress · 27/04/2009 20:28

I wouldn't, not at 11. Too young IMO. Great to give them camping experiences etc but IMO that is better in a family/cubs/brownies/guides type situation at this age.

There are other ways they can flex their independence muscles, it doesn't have to be 'none' or 'camping completely unsupervised!'

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 27/04/2009 20:29

And they could get run over by a bus tomorrow. Do we follow them every step of the way until they can't look after themselves? Give them a little bit of responsibility and a mobile phone.

DP has just said, and a gun obviously! For their supper (rabbits)...

FabulousBakerGirl · 27/04/2009 20:29

YANBU to be wary.

I wouldn't let them without an adult.

slowreadingprogress · 27/04/2009 20:32

this is what makes me laugh about this sort of thread! NOT allowing completely unsupervised camping at 11 is NOT 'following them every step of the way until they can't look after themselves'

!!!!!

MrsMuddle · 27/04/2009 20:33

They'll have a great time. As long as they've got torches and a key to get back into the house when a sheep snuffles round their tent in the middle of the night and scares them senseless!

Let them have the adventure.

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 27/04/2009 20:34

Look at the OP again. It isn't a field in the middle of nowhere, it's a field behind a family member's house, ffs!

You wouldn't say anything about it if it was two adult women and yet a random stranger is just as likely to come across them in the middle of the night and attack them as two kids! Is it the fact that they're girls that everyone is so rabid about this idea? What if it was two boys?

slowreadingprogress · 27/04/2009 20:38

'rabid'

really?

I think some people wouldn't say anything about it if it were adults because the thing is you see, children aren't adults with the skills and experience and judgement you get as an adult and YES you do need to develop that throughout childhood. But it is hardly rabid for some parents to think they wouldn't choose this as an opportunity.....

anyway, you are clearly determined to think in cliches on this one and I am going off out so I'll leave you to it.

monkeypinkmonkey · 27/04/2009 20:43

God I get freaked out in a campsite with my DP. Good luck to them. Mind I would not sleep all night with worry if it was my dc.

Original poster
SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 20:45

Oooh blimey - see what happens when I go and make potato salad??

I am so yeah but no but about it.... they can be trusted, I have no worries about that - I don't even know what I'm scared of tbh!

Just the idea of them being in a dark field alone in the middle of the night I suppose.

I did it - dh did it - and I fully believe that these things are the making of childhood. I'm just scared!

OP posts:
minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 27/04/2009 20:46

I know many people classed as 'adults' without the skills, experience and judgement you should have as an adult. And I know many kids with them. It all depends on their maturity and how they've been brought up. OP says they are both mature for their age. If they don't think they could handle it I'm sure they'd give up the idea after half an hour, yes.

Serendipitous, go with your gut.

cornsilk · 27/04/2009 20:47

Not sure if I would allow that.

minesacheeseandpicklesandwich · 27/04/2009 20:48

And Slow, sorry, didn't know I thought in cliches. Have a lovely evening out, but make sure you cross the street if you think someone's following you.

ZZZen · 27/04/2009 20:50

2 x 11 year old girls? No

Overmydeadbody · 27/04/2009 20:55

yanbu to be a bit weary and scared, that's what makes you a responsible parent.

Do you know the location? Have you seen the field? I'd want to actually visit the site myself before making any decisions, and then maybe say they can camp out till midnight the first time? or 1am? If the field is behind the house presumably an adult can go and check on them every hour or so and they'll have mobiles?

Original poster
SerendipitousHarlot · 27/04/2009 20:56

Can I ask the people that say no, why not please?

OP posts: